Hi Folks, I have been married for 6 years and have a 1 year old child. Till my son was born, I had always felt secure in my marriage and strongly believed that our marriage was a very happy and loving relationship. I had some issues with my in-laws and my husband but overall I was very happy. I had gone through a high risk pregnancy and I delivered my son through a scheduled C section. My husband and I were just hoping to cross the pregnancy without any issues and we were completely unprepared for the postpartum experience. I went through the initial baby blues and my husband would get very upset because I was crying all the time. I could just not cope up with the sleepless nights, sore nipples, incision pain and the round the clock feedings. My son was born with a low weight so the doctors were very insistent on feeding him every 2 hours round the clock. So my husband pressured me a lot to feed him round the clock and I found it extremely hard. This would end up in a lot of fights. Once in fact just 10 days after my delivery, when I was crying a lot in pain my husband told me "don't torture me by crying all the time". I was extremely hurt by his statement. I was crying in extreme pain and he found my crying a torture !! He had always taken care of me extremely well throughout my marriage and I found his behavior very hard to accept. I did not get his support and love during the time I needed him the most. Added to that after 2 weeks of delivery, I told him that I would like him to take off an extra week because I was feeling very dizzy. He refused saying that he had some important work at office. I used to work in the same office he did and I knew that there was nothing really important at work. After 1 month of delivery when I gave my son pumped breast milk in the bottle he once told me "The doctor told you only to give bottle once a day and you are giving it thrice a day. What kind of mother are you". Such statements hurt me immensely. I was doing the best I could even under such enormous pain. Gradually the communication broke down between us. I used to feel extremely lonely and desolate. Luckily my mom was with me during that time. So I had at least a bit of support. I would confide a lot in my mom and this would make my husband insecure. Another sore point between me and my husband were my in-laws. I had always felt my husband only supported my in-laws. This feeling worsened after my my delivery. There were huge communication issues between me and my husband. This was the first time I had faced such a issue with my husband. I felt so tired crying all the time. My husband suffers from hyperthyroid. Hyperthyroid makes a person very irritable and nervous. We had believed that his problem was under control. After 3 months we went for a routine checkup and we discovered that his hyper thyroid problem was completely out of control. The doctor told me his condition is very critical and she immediately increased his medication. Within a few weeks I saw a dramatic change in his personality. By that time he understood the damage he had done to me and he apologized over and over again. He even changed his attitude towards his parents. But I had gone into a shell and I could just not get over it. After suffering for a few more months, I started counseling sessions. By that time my MIL had come. For the first 4 months everything was fine then we had a nasty argument. We exchanged extremely harsh words. My husband supported me. But my MIL spoke extremely hurtful words that upset me so much. Finally I told my husband I cannot stay with my MIL anymore and she moved to my BIL's house. I became completely estranged from my in-laws. Till today I have not spoken to them again. My husband speaks to them from office and I think they also try to maintain a distance. I have started marital counseling again. I spoke to my doctor and she diagnosed me with postpartum depression. She prescribed an anti-depressant for me but I had unpleasant side effects because of the medicine. She has not been able to prescribe any other medication because I have not weaned off my son. Everybody keeps telling me to forgive him and move on. My counselor asked me "what do you think needs to happen for the healing process to start? ". I told her that I don't know the answer myself. My husband has also apologized a zillion times but he hurt me so much during that period of life that I am not able to get over the past at all. During my anger I start cursing him and his family and later I regret my behavior a lot. We feel extremely unhappy that despite being blessed with such a wonderful son we are so unhappy. I am just unable to move on in life. I find it hard to concentrate at work and feel very depressed. Ladies has anybody gone through such a situation. Any ideas on how to start the healing process. We have tried taking vacations, meditation courses, marital counseling and anti depressants. The only thing we have not done so far is separate. Please help me out. I am really in need of some sensible advice. Thanks, Kavya.