How to forget hurtful things

so are you a housewife?? not working? what are the chances of you going to work?? were you expecting when your parents came here or any other medical condition? pls clarify on this.

If you dont have kids yet, I would seriously suggest DO NOT plan for kids..Yes your husband is the abusive type and time for you to stand up and stay strong and positive. next time he raises hand, WARN him seriously you know your rights and you will call cops on him and theey will teach him how to behave as he is not lsitening to you.

Next thing, if your inlaws are still around and next timeyour MIL talks about properties etc, tell her that your husband is earning enough to support you and family....and he is not in such a dire need that your parents have to write properties immediately. ASK them openly that if your hsuband is not in a condition to earn his own money, then sure you can ask your parents to give your share right away...also remind your husband offline how nasty he was talking when you spent 15$ on a ticket...

I know all this sounds argumentative andwhen a wife talks openly face to face about logic your husband gets irated and will abuse youphysically also...but I got to say this..show him his place.

As far as the GET OUT OF THE HOUSE threat is concerned,d I have a queestion to ask you...be frank and open..

how long do you think you can stick to this marraige, if this is what he will say everytime to get what he wants!!! what will you do after having kids, he will tell you the same thing? what will you do if he uses your own kids to threaten you or harrass you? think about those situations and start working on this.

First WARN him to tone it down....say openly you will call the cops if he abuses you physically.

Next thing do not invite your parents in future please....they dont have to go through all this. forget about gifts etcm, they wont mind if you dont give them gifts, but they sure will be hurt n sad to see the sorry state of their daughter.

If your MIL is still around, make her do stuff aorund the house and keep saying my momdid all this when she was here and why cant your MIL do the same etc....say openly and move away from that place.

 

Adding to srvidhya's
When the property issue comes up again than say "good than you will give all to your son right" to mil. If they talk about death and will turnaround and ask "have you done the will already"
Asking for property is dowry harassment. Let them know. Even if your parents give the property it will be in your name definetly not your h and mil's name make that clear to them.

 

Dear SriVidya, OP is working... N I don't think her parents came to help here for her delivery, looks like she was recovering from some other treatment(not sure though)

 

I feel so guilty about my condition and i used to get scared of my husband to spend money also.

Nightingale, This tells it all. Please do not call your parents. They will be devastated if they hear your husband talk like he did about items in your house.Next time, see if you can manage without your parents coming to your house.

As Srividya said , how long can you drag this marriage.Your MIL shud not talk talk such nonsense. And your husband he needs a lesson or two. You need to take a step back and do some serious thinking about your marriage.What all you mentioned in your post about getting freedom, have you done something about it. Your husband shud not be physically abusive in first place. If he is , you need to put a stop to it immediately. Becoz when abuse starts if its not stopped , it only gets bigger and worse.I was in that place before so I know. Ultimately it takes a long time to heal. Not the physical wounds but mental abuse.

Having straightforward nature is good but dont make it a hindrance to stopping your husband walking all over you. You are also an individual. You have feelings. What is the point of making you look like culprit for small things?I know his abusive nature might stop you from retaliating.

I am sorry, my in laws have shown me hell and continue to do so. But even I wudnt tell them to sleep on a comforter. Your husband did it tells volumes about how your marriage is. Recover completely and start small by making changes in the house according to your wish .Tell your husband firmly you want to do those changes.Keep repeating in mind.One step at a time and make changes.Remember there will be showdowns,outbursts from all corners.Stay put and you will be happy. Good Luck.

 

I am sorry to hear about your loss...but I swear the moment I started looking at it from another angle I understood gods plan...but may be this is not the time to tell you.

Pls DO NOT PLAN for a baby. Just be independant. WARN him everytime he raises hand and even make your emergency bag ready. Remmeber one thing, if you are scared to spend 10$ the amount that you earned, whats the point in earning? do you save any of it ? or do you just give it to him?

also when situations like medical conditions or hard times arise, wife n husband have to be there fo reach other...treat each other with love n care but not make the other person feel like a reason for all the situation thats happening. you saw how he behaved during a time when you needed him the most...this is the first around your parents...

now you are seeing how it works with his parents....after all this...take some precautions and stand up for yourself...hightime he has to learn ...this abuse thing wont last for ever and you have evrey right to spend atleast some amount on your own self (even if it means spending a bit on your guests (either parents/friends/relatives etc)

 

Nightingale,

Sorry about your loss dear.

I agree to what srividya has posted above. Please please please do not take any kind of physical abuse or even emotional abuse. I would suggest you call the cops next time he gets physically abusive. You have every right to spend your own money responsibily. Your parents were here to help you, he needs to understand that - girls parents are not dirt. I know you must be going through a lot. I do hope you get the courage to move out if required.

Take care.

 

I also want to mention something about these comments....for some time just dont pay attention to such comments...reason...you never know he meant that he was accusing your parents indirectly right? he may have asked casually....but as issues were already piling up b/w both of you, you may have taken it asif he is pointing towards your parents...dont try to read too much b/w the lines..handle the bigger issues first...sometimes when there are too many issues going on....everything seems like a hurtful word ..so put these aside and work on the imp stuff...take care of your health first...start working, have savings on your name, be independant, put down your foot when he raises his hand on you.

 

be thick skinned....life will pose bigger problems in life than the ones listed right now...you got to be mentally prepared to face them....whenever i am in a very hurtful situation, i tend to keep myself busy as much as possible...growing up, i'd be bullied from time to time in school, and i'd return home dejected...my confidence was pretty low...pretty soon, i started ignoring things and started involving in silly activities...would dance on my own at home like no ones watching or sing loudly till i was content....over time, it helped me.....

keep yourself busy and things ll disappear on its own.