How To Follow Hindu Funeral Ritual In Usa

Dear OP- I understand your need and desire to know the rituals but you might have to make your own decisions if you can’t consult with extended family.
Sit down with your dad, ask what exactly he would want you to do. Just make a list of his desires. Don’t ask him about cost. Parents live in old times and don’t always understand that it’s a different time and things cost much more. $1000 is not even enough for a funeral in India. So, don’t take his words for the cost.

Once you know what all you would like to do, consult local temple and ask them about the next steps. Do you need to pay small amount of fee to the priest so they can be available when needed? Are there any documents to sign, materials to purchase etc.?

As others said, budget for $10-15k. Think about it this way- if funeral costs $1000 in India with cost of living adjustments that amount would be easily $10,000 in the USA. Priests have to feed their families so they will charge you their hourly rate.

 

In the US generally if a person passes away at home, once 911 comes and clears the scene of any foul play, the body is taken away immediately by the funeral home of our choice.

A person say passes away late at night, then say in the wee hours of morning 911 formalities are completed and the hearse will shortly come.
Hopefully the priest is able to come home on that short notice at that late hour before the body is taken out of the house to perform initial rites before the body is moved to a funeral home.

Also on equiry, I found out that my state needs permits for cremating the body and that may take upto a week if traffic is high or if there are holidays that come in between. That would mean that the body is in the funeral home for upto one week before it is finally cremated. In that case doing 3rd day and 5th day rituals is a question mark because the body is not even cremated.

 

$5,000 for funeral home services and at least another $10,000 (maximum) for other rituals is what I estimate as probable cost. I think it is not practical to do 13 days of rituals and therefore, you can organize for rituals at the time of cremation. Besides, arrange for rituals to be carried out on the 9th day for day 2-9, then 10th, 11th and 12th. 13th day ritual is considered holy to purify the residence and ideally, it is best if it is performed at home, if possible. If not, you need to bring the holy water from wherever you perform it and sprinkle the water in all the rooms at home especially the one where your dad is now.

 

@Viswamitra sir, in my state just the funeral home costs are $7k to $10k and priest services start at $5k and can go upwards upto $20k depending on items you daanam. I floated an enquiry recently because I myself live with an aged parent and its always good to know the procedure in the USA . My ultimate takeaway is no matter how much prepared you are, when time comes, you will still be unprepared!!

 

Thank you for guiding me on this. If one lives in a city with more Indian population, the cost also goes up. I live in Florida. We do have good Indian population but the cost of rituals are slowly going up every year. The Temple here had 3 priests before and now it has gone up to 8. The Temple charges have not changed much but the priests decide Dhanam based on the status of the ones who perform the rituals.

 

Yes Viswa sir. The cost of inflation and the perception of wealthy Indians are acutely felt here in the US.

We recently did grahapravesham and were surprised to get a quote of 1000$ just for the vaathiyar dakshinai for homams.

 

@SuiDhaaga,

I am so sorry to hear that. Keep your morale high. Your love for your dad and his love for you are eternal. Whatever happens, be courageous to handle it. It is painful to go through what you are going through now. But remember your dad wants you to handle this with courage and discipline and that is why he is asking you all these questions ahead. One can never predict someone's health.

 

@SuiDhaaga I understand what you are going through because I too am a caregiver for an aged parent.

Whenever I feel that I will be all alone after him, the thought that most consoles me is that its natural and normal for kids to take care of their aging, ailing parents till the end of their life. That is the normal course of nature. Noone is immortal.

Spend time with your dad. At this age, he only needs your ears and time. Whenever he asks for some specific dish, dont wait. Just cook it for him. In the future, when you look back at the precious moments you spent with him, you will have beautiful memories.

I hope your dad stays strong for a long time to come. Take care!