How To Fix 2022 - Not A Good Start

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by SuiDhaaga, Jan 7, 2022.

  1. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,049
    Likes Received:
    3,780
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Third old guy sounds good. That's probably the kind of attitudes you want to surround yourself with -Non judgmental, able to see you as you are, accepting of you as you are warts and all etc. Though it would be better if they were younger people.

    I didn't know all your coworkers were so old. Well it's more than that really. The reason I said you must be spending most of your time with older people is because of some of the attitudes you express in your posts - like your fear of a stigma of divorce or therapy - these attitudes are much more common in women of my generation than in people your age and I'm definitely older than you. My kids, or my nephews/nieces, in their 30's, dont talk or think like this and a couple of them have had breakups and a raw deal in life etc etc but they kind of took a short break and just went right back in. That's why I felt that perhaps you have spent most of your time around older people and unconsciously absorbed their views on things.

    Look, at some level, you have to get out there and restart your life. I strongly urge you to put more of your energy into actively meeting more people your own age and spending time with them. You'll be a lot happier. In my opinion, you would be perfectly justified if you were to tell your folks - "Look I tried it your way, bowed my head and agreed to an arranged marriage to a man who looked perfect on paper and look how that turned out. So now I'm just going to go out there on my own and find my soul mate. I'm going to rely on myself and my instincts and take my chances." And just go for it. But even if you are not ready to do that and I understand it may seem challenging, at least try to enjoy your single life, get out there, make a bucket list and start doing things, travelling and meeting people. You are young and you are healthy right now and neither of these things are going to last forever you know?
    Best wishes.
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2022
    SuiDhaaga likes this.
  2. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,049
    Likes Received:
    3,780
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    See this is what girls do. We try to be so nice and everything needs to be super smooth and lovey dovey all the time. Men are not like that. Men have their moods. They snap people's heads off and never apologize, act stand offish for a few days and then take up right where they left off as though nothing happened - not a word of apology. And we are okay with that. Isn't it? I've met people like that. Haven't you? Be like that. As an adult person living with other adult people you are entitled to your moods. You apologized. Now leave it. Let them also come to some realizations.
     
    SuiDhaaga likes this.
  3. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,233
    Likes Received:
    1,480
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female

    My older coworkers are European descent (except for 3rd guy who is Chinese - USA-born and wife is Japanese native) but they were live-in girlfriend-boyfriend before tying the knot.

    My parents don’t even have strength to do arranged marriage so that is to my advantage because I am so mistrustful of this whole dynamic of male is 100, woman is 0 or 1, even if woman is high earning, more educated, more beautiful.

    I’m trying to keep away from the older coworkers (as the third guy even advised), and try to do my own thing.

    I do spend time around oldies. While they do have life skills and wisdom, one needs to be around people of similar age.

    Hoping to get fresh certifications and get another job elsewhere
     
    1Sandhya likes this.
  4. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,233
    Likes Received:
    1,480
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female



    Thank you so much! I’ll give that person space. Tree remembers what axe forgot (I don’t recall that saying)
     
  5. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,049
    Likes Received:
    3,780
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    See this is the secret which it took you so long to realize. I know couple other families where the parents were super traditional and the daughters were raised with the expectation that only desi only Indian is best. Yet when the marriage broke down, the parents got such a big shock but they just became silent like bystanders. Some super traditional parents are like that. They couldn’t bring themselves to actively say ‘go find your own spouse’ and just remain silent or keep bemoaning the girls date. It’s upto the daughter to realize that she’s on her own and to take the first step to actively becoming independent and oftentimes it’s very hard for them also because they have been actively discouraged from being independent since childhood.
    Yes, what happened to all that? A few months back when I peeped into the forum you were doing so good. Working for certification, meditating and your poetry was also getting quite good. It really seemed you were moving towards a good place. Anyway take it as new year resolution and restart all those. Your mental outlook will improve within a few days.
     
    SuiDhaaga likes this.
  6. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,233
    Likes Received:
    1,480
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female

    At first my parents thought they will try India again (and I was in agreement, I had hope) but so many things kept us from even traveling to the next state, let alone out of the country.

    COVID was the final blow

    Now my parents are even saying if I can get into a higher post at work I will be around better type of people and meet someone.

    They said it a few times (esp when I was working from home)

    Ever since I started commuting to work lot of my poetry stopped. I still meditate, but maybe 24 minutes and I haven’t found time to consistently post updates.

    However I started to worry about my certifications, so I created separate thread a day ago to make myself accountable (and hope to help other ILs too!)

    Hope I can continue poetry, prayer thread soon, on a consistent basis.
     
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2022
    1Sandhya likes this.
  7. sneha1985

    sneha1985 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    381
    Likes Received:
    372
    Trophy Points:
    125
    Gender:
    Female
    Last year, I also learnt something about full moon and new moon affecting our emotions... esp full moon. I didn't believe it, but then I started connecting my feeling and would look if it's full moon on the same day or on next day. For last 3-4 months I have noticed I will be all happy with myself and then around full moon I will suddenly feel heavy in my heart and will feel low and then on the day of full moon I will suddenly cry for few mins thinking about everything bad in my past or will have mood swings. Next day I am back to normal and would myself think why was I crying. In a way I realized it's better as it helps to release my pain. So I would say be careful around moon cycles as it does affect emotions/mood.

    About 2022, last was worst year of my life so far and so I have made lots of plans for the year of things I want to achieve. First 10 days were great and then it hasn't turned out great. But don't worry we have 11 more months to catch up. I don't know your complete story, but I did read about therapist and meditation. Therapists may not always be helpful, so maybe try talking to people who know you and can give you advice accordingly. Meditation does help to calm the mind. I have a reminder set for afternoon where I sit in a corner of a room with eyes closed and just even doing it for 15 mins has helped me. Other thing I can suggest which has helped me the most is on youtube you will find something called as subliminal/sleep meditation. I find one and keep it on at a low voice at night when I sleep and it has helped me.
     
    1Sandhya and SuiDhaaga like this.
  8. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,233
    Likes Received:
    1,480
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female

    I think I’ll start tracking phases of the moon … perhaps it may help

    There are also times where I feel motivated, snd other times where my heart is heavy.

    Good professional help is hard to come by (COVID did not help!) I do agree that people who know you well can guide you better.

    Not too well that they give you evil eye!

    For me, best help it is getting guidance in how to handle situations… people’s intentions are not always obvious to me.

    I shall research sleep meditation. Two nights ago I was having lot of vivid dreams. One was so traumatic, it was straight out of Crime Patrol! And I awoke from it around 3:30 am. I went back to sleep and had few other vivid dreams (not Crime Patrol type though!)

    And last night I had one dream, it was vivid. And I woke up with sad heavy heart. I just kept praying for “peace and happiness”, which is at the core of what we say we want, ie
    Love
    Marriage
    Horse
    Carriage

    11 more months. I pray we can make lot of progress this year!
     
    1Sandhya and sneha1985 like this.
  9. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,233
    Likes Received:
    1,480
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female

    My co-worker's wife is a Nurse and she says there are more ER cases during Full Moon.
     
    sneha1985 likes this.
  10. sneha1985

    sneha1985 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    381
    Likes Received:
    372
    Trophy Points:
    125
    Gender:
    Female
    Didn't knew about this. Thanks for sharing!

    You just need to handle the emotions right around full moon... nothing major to worry about.. :)

    Infact it's good to know that the emotions are related to moon cycles so I know what to expect around full moon. Earlier I used to think I could be under depression since I am crying randomly. I had watched a video on YouTube which said our menstrual cycles are also linked to moon cycles somehow. I haven't read much about it in detail, so not sure.. but could be possible.
     
    SuiDhaaga likes this.

Share This Page