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How to face this problem...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by vijir27, Mar 8, 2010.

  1. vijir27

    vijir27 New IL'ite

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    Dear Friends,
    My marriage is love marriage(8 years). I know that my hubby will tell lie before marriage for siily matters. There is no problem with that. Me too don't feel bad. I think after marriage all things get change and it will go good. I belived my hubby and i want to be always beside her for nice future. I supported many ways that after marriage i refered jobs for him. I am Working in Private comapany. we are going to celebtare 1st anniversary next moth. I am having 2 months girl baby. Past months i hubby told lot of lie to me. i know and i told many times don't do like this it wll spoil our life.At that time he is ok later he started doing the same one. past 11 months he got money from my collegue,friends and from my relatives without knowing me. I am straight forward. In concern of me they gave money to my hubby without my knoweledge. Now i am facing lot of problem that i am receiveing a call every day from different person that ur hubby cheated me. if i asked him, he is telling no ma i didn't do that for that and this(telling something to escape). Now my parents are too angry on this guy. Me too get confused what to with this situvation? I planned to disconnect my life from him. Please give me suggestion to handle this........ soon.
     
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  2. snooty

    snooty New IL'ite

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    i think he needs counselling . if he is not addicted to alcohol or any other bad habits i think you should give it one more try .all the best
     
  3. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Love is blind and you fall in to that without realising what kind of person he is.First tell all the people to stop giving him any money.
    Who is calling you and why they are calling you?
    You need to really make call.Don't give any money from your side and save for your future.Does he earn and take care of the family?How old are both of you.He may not be the good person based on your post.
     
  4. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    Why is your husband taking all the money from your friends and family? Does he have any needs you are not aware of? Any issues like gambling or drugs? You should tell all your friends and family not to give him any more money (the ones he has already gotten money from and the ones he is yet to) and cut him off.
    Also get details from each one calling as to how much they gave your husband and confront him with that evidence and ask for an explanation as to why he is doing that with your friends and family.
    Do you know much about his past? There is a possibility he could be a con man and all those lies point in that direction. You need to think this thru clearly and resolve this situation by confronting him as soon as possible. Or this could get much worse
     
  5. goodfreind

    goodfreind Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Viji

    U lived 8 years guess what.. almost 50 %
    u didnt tell us why he needed money..he do not have job? less salry..
    let me knw if need job in IT.i do my best ..

    Pls you give money for him.. this is usual in all family getting money unless if it is not gud expenses

    Also do not take others wirds when they call u.. u lived him and u love dhim.. so pls take rest1 min an dthink

    do not take any descion when brain is full meaning tense

    This isur life u have kids.. buying money i snot matter unles for bad.. there are many hubbises do bad..

    so no worries first.. pls u wrking so give money frm u..all it is for ur DH na

    okva..i think he mayneed more money or depressed or something else

    give me more light this wil be solved

    but thi sis small one

    u will happy da no worries

    please be smile with him always u will get gud result




     
  6. vijir27

    vijir27 New IL'ite

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    Hi friends,
    Thanks all for your reply..........
    Still i love my hubby(i don't why?). past 11 months he is not working. He is having bad friends and getting money from others to spend for them. my hubby is not at all telling any details to me. my hubby friends are saying that he is having bad friends. Even he didn't give any money / gifts till now(even for my birthday). I didn't expect money/gifts from my husband. Now that guy is father for my baby. So he is having many attention and response. That guy is not at all feeling this he is enjoying himself. I getting bad response from my husband family. I am working in IT but that guy is +2. even i encoureged to put BBA. But he didn't completed BBA. So There is no job for him. My think is i belived him lot that's my fault. I want good counseller for him. Is there is any person who giving good counselling for him. please tell me is there is any job for him(not in marketing line). He is having 9 years experirnce in marketing field. i think because of this field he is like this. Please friends help me..... I want to be a women behind my every success of my husband. I want to make them perfect. please help me by making my husband as good and affection father for my child please.
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2010
  7. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Viji,

    First safegaurd yourself and the kid at any cost. Have control over finance, investments and spending as such. You must start setting milestones. At each milestone you must check whether you have achieved atleast 50 % of the goals. For example,
    In the next 4 months, you must see the following changes in your husband.
    A,B and C
    During that time you plan your life and want to achieve the following
    A, B and C. To acheive the goals for your family your husband must meet the above expectations.

    At the end of the 4th month check whether you are able to acheive atleast 50 % of them. If you are able to, add more to the next cycle. Now, you must start with minimum goals and move to the maximum. This target has to be achieved say in a years time. Within this one year if you see 60 - 70 % change in your husband it is worth continuing otherwise you will be in a miserable position. At the end of each cycle you will know where it is leading. When you are in the middle cycle, make a call and move in that direction. This means by the 6th month from your plan date you will know whether you are moving upwards or to the deep sea. If you see a downward trend start moving your coins to move away from this marriage. You cannot live with a liar.

    You must be the leader here. You must inform all of your floks not to entertain his requests without your knowledge. If he continues to borrow money elsewhere and if you are forced to pay, put your foot down and say it is not your responsibility.

    Being in love in not incorrect but yielding because you love someone is incorrect. When we love someone we must ensure they are in the right path and if they aren't we have to take stick (not literally). If he doesn't change, walk your way girl.
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2010
  8. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    Are you out of your wits? Did you first understand the lady's problem here? Her husband's borrowing money from all of her sources under some pretext or the other.

    She burns herself and her husband will have a happy-go-lucky life? What responsibility does that man show? Do you understand how embarrassing it is for the lady. You are definitely not a good friend. It's an oxymoron.
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2010
  9. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    I agree 100% with Canwait. You need to do damage control on this situation immediately and find out why he has been borrowing money. Afterall, you know he is unemployed so its not like you were expecting him to bring in money while unemployed. Him borrowing money from your friends and relatives without your knowledge, puts you on the hook as well to repay those debts and since you have no idea why he is borrowing money so far, you need to confront him on that. You need to get a handle on the financial situation as soon as you can or this will get out of control. Loving a person does not mean you give him carte blanche to act and do things the way he pleases and as of now, his actions are affecting your life. Do not be complacent on this situation or love blind you and get a better handle on this situation. Good luck.

    LOL I thought I was the only one startled by that response.
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2010
  10. vijir27

    vijir27 New IL'ite

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    Dear friends,
    Thanks for your suggestion. Still i don't how to handle this situation and still in confused state. Two times i faced this situation and i warned not to like this. even my family members told this is the last warning not to like this herafter. Again i am facing the same problem (third time). i don't whether to quit or to give one more chance to correct him. If i give a chance will he realise or he will again? This problem is eating my head and now i am feeding my baby in confused state. My mother is saying that get a writtern statement form him that hereafter he won't do this type of activites. If he is not ready to give the writtern statement will i simply set him free? is it good? Allowing him as free is not good. will i demand monthly some amount for my baby. I need to consider my baby life also. If i am paying everything for my baby then what is the response for him? I don't want to allow him free. How to make him under the control ?
     

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