How to face our frustration?

Twinklestar · Jan 24, 2010

Dear Moms,

Its a wonderful feeling of being a mother...specially when we hold our baby for the first time...we feel this is the most beautiful thing we have ever seen....such are the feelings when we become moms...

Gradually when the baby grows he needs our complete attention,and even we ignore all other things for them.. but there are sometimes when we feel tht we don't have even 5 mins of our daily routine for ourself.. then we we start thinking tht our life is becoming monotonous...and we r practically doing nothing in life...we wish to do many things but baby dosen't allow us to even think of anything else....where as we also don't want our baby to put in day care so tht we can live our life....

I feel this is the scenario most Indian women face, such phases are really frustrating sometimes....what things we can do in such phases...how can we make best use of this time. can anyone plz add thr comments on this...and if possible some solutions also....

Aadhusmom · Jan 24, 2010

I dont think new-mom frustration is any way confined to Indian moms - mothers the world over probably go through the same thing too. What worked for me and still works is taking some time out of each day for myself - the oft-quoted 'me time' really does work! Of course there will be an endless series of "useful" things I should rather be doing but letting thengs be and doing whatver keeps me sane and happy is more important. Other things that help are letting someone else look after the baby/child for some time (esp as the baby gets older) and venting to someone occassionally (not DH but a friend). Personally going back to work for a part of the day helped a lot.

Vanathi.

tikka · Jan 25, 2010

Star, This is a quote from a writer that I read recently: A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary." ~ Dorothy Canfield Fisher.
I am not one of the quotable quotes person, but this one had a profound effect on me. And a mom can make a child independent by conferring a lot of attention in the initial days and creating an attachment based on confidence. If you were to look at it as a job to do to raise your child to be "x" age, it is difficult. You are building another human being, for the rest of his/her life.
That said it does not mean you be tied to the baby 24 hours a day. That wont help you grow as a person either. Do get help in looking after the child, exercise, go for walks, start work if you want at least part of the time.
A happy mother is the best mom. If being the sole care giver of your child is making you feel terrible, you need to change the situation. Exercise, working from home, taking time off to go to a movie on my own or with friends, or to the library all helped me. Yes, a lot of people guilt tripped me about wanting that time away from the child, but it is absolutely essential for some of us. Don't feel terrible about that, raising a child is an intense job, taking a break from it is for you to recharge and get back to it with vigour. Do what works for your family: working fulltime was out of question for me, but works very well for other mothers. Daycare is not a terrible thing, chose yours wisely and your child will learn a lot from that situation too.

manjumisra · Feb 1, 2010

Hi Twinkle,
I think we all go young moms go through this phase in our life. The problems look bigger because when you have a small child you're mostly confined to your home..the child gets bored on seeing the same face all the time and that starts affecting you.Thats why abroad they have this system of Toddler groups where mother and toddlers spend some time together..this not only offers the tots an oppurtunity to socialse but also helps moms to sit and chat with same age group moms.
I have just found that there is a lady who has started a toddler group in Adyar. Will pass u on the details if you need any.
TC