how to deal

Priyalousi · Feb 8, 2010

hello,

I am regular reader of indusladies but this is my first post. I am really irritated with this some issue.

My husband and I stay with my inlaws. My husband has 2 sisters.
The issue is inlaws and husband hide and donot communicate some piece of information to me especially things regarding my SIL. Like one of my SIL was expecting and even though they all knew well before I was told very casually after many months. When I asked my husband why he didnot share things; he said he was told to keep news within the family. God I realised I am not a part of the family. This happens quite a number of times on various issue and later when I come to know I am told that you are not so important to be informed first.

However whenever any of their work is to be done and suddenly I am the most important person and they get it done from me.

I am really angry with this happeneing time and again and wish to deal with this situation. Wish to convey if they want to get things done from me they can just plainly tell me rather than show off that u r important and integral part of the family and blah blah..

ShilpaMa · Feb 8, 2010

Priya, I would stay, do things for them if you're comfortable else say u can't do it.. dont try to please with the hope that if you do so, they shall appreciate you or consider you as family.... COS THEY WONT.

In my case if I have a medical problem, entire world knows about it, however if its related to SIL/ her DH then only filtered or no information comes to me... also I am being expressed as an outsider several times.

Now, I simply do whatever is convinient to me, and nothing in the hope to please them and tell them I wont be able to do this. There's no way you can communicate back to them ... "hey Listen am very much part of this family".. cos they have only 1 way communication.

lavii · Feb 8, 2010

priya
ask your dh when you concieve if he can keep information within you and him without informing your sils..as they belong to different family now
hmm after getting married our parents say we belong to a different family but when it comes to in laws they say we are not a part of family ..i had same issue but my dh never used to say that only in laws

Priyalousi · Feb 8, 2010

Hello Shilpa Ma and Lavii,

Thank you for your post. Yes, we are part of their family as per their
convenience.

Thanks Shilpa yes you are right no matter what you do they are not going to change. Just I will do whaetever I can and suits me. Some times going out under pretext of some work is a good break from them even if for few hours.

Yes, Lavii I have already thought of the same and when time comes will ask the same with husband.

Anyway thanks again. I am feeling better.

ShilpaMa · Feb 8, 2010

Lavi, I tried the same with my DH however he said, those kids are his as well, and he has all rights to discuss HIS news with HIS fly members.

He was not telling them about me but was sharing with his family that he's going to be a dad.. .and since THEY are family they can share any news, so either ways the lady only doesn't know whats happening around.

Priyalousi · Feb 8, 2010

Hello

I guess my husband's answer may be pretty same as Shilpama's hubby's.

Additionally; together well planned they may hide the fact that they are aware and will continue to act as if they dont know.

With 24x7 vigilance (MIL and in her absence Hubby) relay most of information however none from other end. Right from burnt vegetable to whom I talk all is well communicated.

ars · Feb 8, 2010

Let the barking dogs bark.
If you don't get info than its one less headache for you.
Atleast they are not giving you all the details and expecting you to go overboard in doing all the formalities to your SIL.
So just ignore and next time they do share and expect you to jump through the hoops don't do it if your not comfortable with it.