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How to deal with this strange situation?

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Rajnigandha, Aug 17, 2013.

  1. Rajnigandha

    Rajnigandha Senior IL'ite

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    Hi ILs,

    Need your expert opinion here...

    I have a 3.5 yr old daughter and she is in friends with a boy in her school who is a 4.5 yrs old. The boy's parents used to be our family friends (thats how our daughter knows the boy). Now, for multiple reasons, we (the parents) are not on talking terms. But the kids still go to the same school and are sometimes in the same class (pre-school).

    We hv never asked our daughter to stop talking to the boy due to the elder's problems. However, this boy has a bad habit of hugging/kissing/lifting other kids, especially girls. He is also a stubborn kid.

    Due to this habit of his, we have advised our daughter to tell other kids "No touching" or tell the teacher if someone tries to do so.
    So, one day she came home from school and told us that the same boy tried to hug her and she didnt like it. I listened to her but did not take any action on it except repeating the same thing to her to tell him "No touching" or complain to the teacher. She said okay.
    The next day she came and told us the same thing. My husband suggested I talk to the teacher, which I did, telling her that my daughter does not like him touching her, so kindly keep them in different play groups. She said she has been observing the boy behaving that way and have separated the kids in the past.
    This was 2 days ago.

    Today I got a call from the teacher and she told me that this time my daughter went and sat next to him.

    If I try to understand child psychology, I think my daughter is puzzled as to why we were singling out this boy and why did we talk to the teacher about him. So, to know our reaction she wants to do the same thing.

    But, I do not know how to handle this situation. I did not want to make a big deal of this whole situation as kids are kids, sometimes its our own kid doing stuff, other times it someone else's kid.

    What do I tell my daughter? Any advice I can give her? Or should I just ignore the whole episode and move on??

    Thank you for taking the time to read through my post.

    Please advice expert mothers..
     
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  2. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Rajni, I am no expert but I think that your daughter understands that it's ok to be friends with out touching each other. Perhaps the boy also got the message that he should not hug/kiss everyone he comes across...
    Don't know what else to think.
     
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  3. NirmalaGoofy

    NirmalaGoofy Gold IL'ite

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    They are kids. It is very difficult to asses their mindsets. May be she likes to be friends with him but does not like him hugging as you guys have told her to say no hugging or touching. Watch for few more weeks. Don't give too much advice as they get confused.
     
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  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    You've already done what needs to be done for this episode. Move on. There is nothing more to tell your DD.

    Maybe at a good time, you can talk to her what to do when other kids bother her. The various options. Use her words. Move away a few inches. Move away and go to another place. Avoid that kid for a few days. When to tell the teacher. When not to. All this, as a general discussion, not referring to that 4.5 yr old kid.

    If your child is the talkative kind, you could try telling her you know of a kid who is being bothered by another kid in school, and what should the bothered kid do. Kids can sometimes surprise us with their simple solutions.
     
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  5. attitudegirl

    attitudegirl Platinum IL'ite

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    As the other kid is also only 4.5, i dont think u have anything to worry. Since ur DD already knows "no touching" rule, u can be at peace. Since u had approached the teacher with an issue, it is natural for her to call u back to tell that ur DD herself wants to sit next to him. Teachers dont like to take the blame, as they r also human beings, its not possible to watch every minute detail of all kids. They have to handle 15+ kids plus their parents every year. Its no joke. As it has been brought to her notice, I think she'll be cautious till the year end with ur DD.. As long as she is in school, nothing to worry for u.

    As u have already adviced ur kid, I think u'll confuse her if u say more, given her tender age.
     
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  6. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    maybe your child just felt sorry for the other child who got scolded off because of her so she just went to try to make him feel better..........also children as such are very forgiving & rarely carry grudge.your daughter just had mind set that the boy hugged her against her wishes,he was scolded & the incident is finished....next day is new day & to be dealt in new way......
     
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  7. zainabsarfraz

    zainabsarfraz Platinum IL'ite

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    i second mahajanpragati's thought, unlike us kids never keep grudges they think its over and they move on thats what your DD did too. Dont put too many things in her mind she may get confused giver her sometime to forget this topic and later make her understand that she should inform any elder near her when anybody touches her or kisses without her permission. she will get the message.
     
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  8. Rajnigandha

    Rajnigandha Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you for all your advice and suggestions. I have explained to my daughter given the ideas from this post. I will watch for a few more days and see if a similar situation reoccurs.
     
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