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How To Deal With This Situation?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Needhelp01, Nov 3, 2022.

  1. Needhelp01

    Needhelp01 New IL'ite

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    This is one of my biggest fear. I feel like I have done a mistake staying 3 hours from bil/cosis. MIL and FIL have already started emotional blackmail with the new baby, that DH is their support system and he is responsible for bil/cosis their new growing family. (I mean they are totally well off, infact their immigration status is more stable than ours but still somehow we are always asked to take care of them. And I would be fine doing so if relationship were better but they dont respect us so I try to maintain my distance)
     
  2. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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    @Needhelp01,

    I have a different view on this. Your husband should be sensitive about how they treat you as a group. In a family, nothing like one can maintain cordial relationship while other can remain aloof without interfering in that relationship. These kind of attitude will eventually lead to a marriage with no love in it. I totally get your point and feelings. I wish you the best in your treatment to get a baby. But you need to discriminate between what is troubling you whether it is the SIL having a baby or her indifferent behavior. You have to search your soul to find out what is actually bothering you. If it is definitely her indifferent behavior, you have to stand up for youreself with them and your husband. Just imagine how your husband will feel miserable and complain about it if your sister was to behave rudly with your husband. He needs to be more understanding to your requirement especially considering the medical treatment you were going through. You need to have a heart to heart conversation with him explaining your position no matter how cosy his relationship is with his family. This may not produce quick results but is good for your relationship with your husband in the long run. It is not about saving the marriage but how to make the marriage more meaningful as you are married for over 10 years.

    In my view, a consistent effort from your end to make your husband understand your concerns will eventually make him balance between his family and your requirement instead of you yielding to their needs all the time. Your self-confidence will be destroyed by you yielding all the time.

    Do not give up on your self-respect. Please stand up for yourself with no stings attached. If you are married into a family, you have a right to demand an equal position like any other daughter-in-law. If you reconcile to be treated as second class, it only leads to more of the same. When you discuss it with your husband, you have to be as cordial as possible but when it comes to your in-laws, you have to be firm. It is a world where what we don't ask for, we don't get it.

    Note: I don't know about others but for me, my wife being treated like a doormat when I enjoy the best of treatment by my own family, is not an option I would enjoy. My position always has been and always will be accept both of us together cordially or else, leave us alone.
     
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2022
    Madhurima21 and PurpleRoses like this.
  3. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Gold IL'ite

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    Wow sir....take a bow! I wish men of this generation had this thinking which you had at decades back for your marriage and wife.
    I would not say your wife is lucky because this is the real standard of a real man.
     

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