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How To Deal With This Situation ?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mangaii, Apr 7, 2021.

  1. stayblessed

    stayblessed Gold IL'ite

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    So sorry to hear this. People break trust so easily. I dont have any solutions to offer. I dont think you can get the money back but pray and wish that you get the jewellery back at least. Betrayal is a hard pill to swallow.
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2021
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  2. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    On the other hand, one might view the situation, and see faults on both sides. After all, "Temptation is the fiend at my elbow", and "Temptation is the fire that brings up the scum of the heart." are not all that unknown. The bible suggests that we mustn't tempt honest people with possibilities for an easy heist (I paraphrased). The nephew will go on to regret his thievery for the rest of his life, if that is how he deems his action, and curse the uncle who had led him astray.

    Sad all around in the family; hopefully nobody would escalate the rift and all will be well soon after face to face meetings happen.
     
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  3. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Gold IL'ite

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    You know you got betrayed by not just your SIL but your DH. It's a breach of trust that your dh changed the pin, didnt inform you, gave access to your SIL n her son to draw the money which was earned by you.
    How is he having the audacity to even say let go of the whole situation n the misdeeds committed by him and his sister & co.?

    No way of dealing other than going to India and sit there and demand your jewels back.
    Money lost might not be returned as it was with your dh consent. Make him repay you for that loss but collect your jewels back.
     
  4. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    @mangaii once the money left your account it is hard to get it back. Do you have a trusted family member you talk to? What was the plan when you gave the jewelry to the SIL?
    This is what everyone do when they are out of money. I am not justifying her, that is what you should do too. please get some clarity on what your husband's intention was. Did he really believe these people and left the card with them or was there another arrangement to give the money back after sometime? find it.
    use them when you get the jewelry. dont even give to your own parents for safe keeping. because parents are soft hearted people if someone asks"oh, your daughter doesn't need it now, but we have an urgent medical emergency. we will pledge it and give it back when everything is well". And there goes the jewelry. has happened in our family multiple times. Someone would just borrow an earring or a necklace and you would never see that again.

    If I were in that situation, this is what I would do. I would let all the trusted family members know that this happened. everyone that i can think of. I would call an elder up and say, "i want to discuss something" and tell the facts. this is why you need the right story from husband. Once you tell enough people you can get some help when you go to deal with the SIL and son. Since you have been living in the US for a long time now, you need to get all the help needed from relatives. SIL and son have more help and they have more power since they live where the money is lost. Sometimes no one helps but at least people will know you are wronged by who. If what you mentioned is right and have helped people with money, there might be someone that you can tell all this to. When people start talking it might pressurize them to contact you.
    That's reminds me of another question, did you use just your money to help this people? How did your husband feel about it? Does this has anything to do with him giving atm card to SIL and son? you don't have to answer any of this, but worth thinking about it. I have a close friend whose mom spends money like a millionaire, but doesn't do anything for herself. My friend has to send money from here for hospital expenses because her mom keep using the money and jewelry to help other people. What she doesn't understand is that when she is helping the poor or other people who she thinks needy, she is not helping her daughter.

    After trying if SIL and son are not giving back any of it, you can treat it as stolen money and jewelry, and take necessary actions. Keep this as last resort. Again when the time comes, remember to let people know that you are doing this.
     
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  5. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    I talked about the money he give access to them. He has to deal with that. I think you should deal with jewelry, thats why asked to explore locker optiins
     
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  6. Laks09

    Laks09 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

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    @mangaii - We’ve all had bitter life lessons with regard to mixing extended family and money. Nobody is immune to it. I suggest you both take it as a lesson learned. In a way, it’s better this is not your sibling. That would have been a harder pill to swallow. If your DH doesn’t usually spend liberally with joint savings, it mustn’t have been intentional. They misused his trust. This is harder for him than it is for your because it’s his sibling. I would say, let the money go and be careful moving forward.

    Regarding the jewelry, you could just have a real important wedding at your mom’s place that you must attend on your next trip. That should be enough to collect your gold.

    Calling the nephew to ask about the money did trigger this reaction. It could have all been done in person. Such things are better discussed face to face.

    I still remember the two emergency blank checks for the US Bank account getting deposited without our knowledge and without a real emergency when we had just put a down payment on a house. The stress of that situation made both of us much more careful with our finances in both countries. At the time, I was really mad. After enough time passed, I was able to reconcile. In a way, that incident was a good thing. Now, with a child whom we have to provide for financially even after we are both long gone, I know exactly what not to do.
    Btw, this is also a good time to scale back on your generosity. I didn’t do that back then but people rarely change. I noticed that my generosity was taken for granted. Just because you can afford it, doesn’t mean you have to do it. Your kids deserve more than everyone else so it’s a good time to cut back on the outside spending and be generous to yourself and immediate family.
     
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  7. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    The money is pretty much gone! You can be mad, angry, upset but in the end, consider it gone! If you are lucky, you may get some amount back but the chances are slim. The pressing issue is your jewels. During your next trip, ask for your jewels calmly without bringing up the money. Once you have secured your jewels you might want to ask about the cash and when her son/she is planning to return. If you keep this extra cash for shopping in India, mention that you will need 1-2 lakhs for your use. If she gives it, you are lucky! If she doesn't, you know whom not to trust!

    I don't blame your husband...relationships with siblings are tricky. It's hard to say no. I am dealing with a similar situation that your husband might have been in. During my recent trip, my eldest sister asked me if I can transfer my FDs (~7 lacs) in her name because she needs to show the cash amount for my nephew's study visa. I didn't think much about it and agreed to it thinking that it is just for show and once he gets his visa, I'll have my money back. Yesterday she told me that she has already used some of the money and might use more if needed. I was shocked and upset as well but who was I kidding? When there is free money, very few people could resist the temptation. I should have made it clear or at least should have said no to spending more but I couldn't. I just froze. I do hope she returns my hard-earned money but like you, I might not!
     
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  8. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    Isn't that the truth?

    Money/Property losses, Trust & Power-of-attorney misuses, etc.. have all been described in stories of loss of family relationships. Communications get skewed when Native relations and Emigre's grow up far apart, and evolve differently in their values and judgements.

    It is best to chalk up the losses to Tuition fees paid for the lessons learned.
     
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  9. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    @mangaii it's definitely hard to loose money to someone who don't deserve, if they had used that money for medical expenses or education like college fee. It would have pacified after a brief war between you & spouse.

    Pls calm down yourself, be only available to yourself & kids. No one else remembers the good we done to them, but they all remember every word we spike to them on a fight even when justice on your side. This is how people are.
    Recently I lost 3000$ and 1 week peace of mind with my sibling. I really believed my parents words how she suffering etc. Actually it's all a lie. I can very well understand your situation.
    It's not easy, mind will keep thinking. Pls get back jewels asap else it will also vanish.
    Pls be firm with husband in future. How much he can touch your things
     
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  10. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    In serious threads, there could be such moments of :roflmao:

    A few lakhs down shouldn't warrant a full Lysistrata. I think the poor guy had a lapse. Can (and does) happen to most of us dealing with siblings.

    It is best to be cool, go to India and salvage whatever that is salvageable..... properties, as well as relationships.
     
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2021
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