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How To Deal With Silent But Deadly Inlaws, Especially Sister In Law?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by gg25, Jun 22, 2016.

  1. gg25

    gg25 New IL'ite

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    Hi
    I know the title of this post suggests that it should be in the in laws forum but I wanted to talk about it here. Thing is my sister in law is too much close to my husband and that directly affects our relation. We are married less than a year actually and it is very odd that she has this indelible spell on my husband to the extent that even if she breathes my husband thinks, she is the best at the art of breathing. It is very difficult to deal with this level of closeness between the two. Feels like almost the two are inseparable and I am fighting for my place in this relation. I know in Indian families this is probably not an unprecedented situation. Even I have a sibling so I know what sibling love is but my sister and I are very clear about our priorities and who what is. WHen I approach my husband about this topic, he calls me names saying that my mind is polluted. I have given up on my dream to be the wife who will be loved unconditionally...my husband is very open about his love for his sister but not to me and he says thats how south indian men are. They don't show their love for their wives. Bottomline he has an answer for everything. More than mad, it makes me very sad. I am in this relation at this point only for our child.
     
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  2. azalea

    azalea Silver IL'ite

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    GG25,

    Couldn't stop from replying to you. Just wanted to say that there is a saying 'If you give enough room to your enemies, they will destroy themselves". So stop fighting for your husband's attention. Concede the arena to your sister-in-law but make sure you do things that make you happy with or without your husband. Do your minimal wifey duties and make good on your family responsibilities. But don't bend over backwards. Don't go begging for appreciation and approval. Because the more you go after seeking their validation, you will find it more difficult to come by. Hope this helps.
     
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  3. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi why is the relationship your DH has with his sister affecting your relationship with him. Let them be the way they want to and you get closer with your DH (if you want to). My DH was very close to his sister and her two daughters when I got married. The world revolved around those 3, now 16 years later it is a different story. The more you bug him about it the more stubborn he will be. Ignore it and live your life. Is sis in law married,? Does she have outside life. Lead the life you want and ignore them.
     
  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Ignore them if they don't directly involve you.
    If he praises her...don't pay attention.Keep doing something else and look bored.
    If he compares....tell him "I am not your sister ,I am a different person".Move away....don't argue.
    Tell him to speak for himself and not speak for all south Indian men.Roll your eyes and move away.
     
  5. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    What is unconditional love? (Other than parents-kids). I'd like to know if in initial years of marriage (arranged), is there true unconditional love - even from your side? (If it were, you wont be complaining abt ur DH, so its never totally unconditional?)
     
  6. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, Your hubby is wrong in telling south indian men don't show love to their wives. He is being non demonstrative hence he is piling it on general south indian men. That is definitely not true. To each their own.

    Regarding your SIL and hubby you cant change it. I have a similar type of SIL. Earlier in marriage I used to object now I don't and hubby has learnt to separate both relationships. But I have learnt to confront them when they are together in case it comes to mudslinging about me .In that way there is no oh your wife said that to me and I am upset.Let your SIL and hubby be. Sooner or later he will realize his family needs priority once kids come.Or she is involved in her own life. Good Luck.
     
  7. gg25

    gg25 New IL'ite

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    Thanks Azalea. Very well said. I have been trying to focus but the shock takes time to wear out. I am a very loving and people person and when his family acts as if they don't want to include me in everything it is tough. My behavior is improving for my sanity and I am getting better. I think it was all at once for me with a new baby and all.
     
  8. gg25

    gg25 New IL'ite

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    Hi sunshine1970. Yes she is married but her husband is not around for her. She needs my husband for everything and so my husband has to be there. So it is not easy for me to get close to my husband. My husband never spends any time with me. He is mostly with her. Rarely, may be once a month that we would even go shopping together, it is nice. So yes it bothers me she is in my marriage bothering me. I don;t think my husband should have gotten married for her sake.
     
  9. gg25

    gg25 New IL'ite

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    Thanks Yellowmango. Yes I walk away from anything but as I was replying to someone she is all he talks about mostly. How pretty she, how accomplished and smart she is. I am an accomplished woman myself but not according to my husband. But I have snapped him from saying anything anymore about her. I can't change him but of course I can not tolerate that in my house.
     
  10. gg25

    gg25 New IL'ite

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    You are right chocolate. My hubby needs a lot of learning. I think it is a different story that he has to first figure out if he wants all this and I think he does want his family with his kid but then his sister also has to realize that she has to lead her life and let us be. Lets see how it happens with time. But I have to still learn to stand up for myself. In process....
     

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