How To Deal With Resentment Of Family Expenses In India

@Benadryl what I guess from your post is.you have two sisters not brothers.And they are younger and staying with parents till they will get married . So inspite of them earning entire responsibility fell on you being the only son .
In India many parents take for granted that only son is responsible for them , and also unmarried sisters irrespective sister's working or not .atleast you convinced your parents that earninb sister's have responsibility too towards the household expenses where they live. Good news is that once they are married you will be free of that responsibility .
I'm not at all saying it's Ur responsibility due to being male , just staying my observation Becausw most of us are confused about your siblings situation .

Hope you can sort out everthing . We can't change our culture suddenly but atleast you are speaking up . Try to build genuine relationship than based on sending money . Like @Rihana told otherwise it's not worth it . Relationships based on greed or exploitation are not relationships at all. That's why I asked about how your parents are otherwise . Hope you make the right decision .

 

Can't you get rid of them?

If I were in your shoes, I would just stop talking to them. You are in a foreign country. They can't touch you.

It is your money, you should enjoy it.

You are too dutiful.

 

Benadryl

Be the anti-histamine your user name is and cut out the allergens right now. Seriously. I do not mean your parents or siblings are the allergens, but their demands. You maybe owe your parents some living expenses, but your siblings... if they are grown adults who are capable of getting jobs to support themselves, you should first cut them off. They keep making these ridiculous demands because they know the help won't stop. I would say start off by cutting off the allowance and tell them this is all you can afford. What is the worst that can happen? They either reject this help and start doing something of their own accord or shut up and take this, as they seem like the bunch that are all talk and no action. Their demands will keep increasing because they see an endless supply in you and unless you take the effort to cut that supply off, the demands are going to keep increasing.

 

Look like they think it's your duty to offer everything. So asking questions, giving explanations, arguing etc won't work. They believe you are super rich and it( 90k=approximately $1500 per month. ) is chiller for you . You have to find a good reason to reduce the amount.- like you lost your job or switched another job with low salary...etc

Completely cutting fund may be unfair as they depend on you. But you just provide the basics not luxuary.. reduce the amount.( for example instead of $1500, send $1000 or lower, that itself will bring a difference in your own monthly budget)..action speaks better than words.

May be they believe it's your responsibility to marry off your sisters. So save some money, instead of wasting in monthy payments to them

Their demand will never stop,it seems. It is unfair to your own wife and kids who have to sacrifice for this.

 

I'm sure your siblings don't really quit their jobs so easily and so often - just bullshitting you because you are in different countries.... I hope you can also start saying such lies to protect yourself- atleast pretend you lost your job and now took some with meagre pay. Also, I hope you are planning what to spend for your sisters' marriages. Trust me that will come on your head. Atleast that time, try your best to pay for things directly than handing over money to them. Not saying should be responsible for their marriages although they are working, but in your case that situation is inevitable.

A couple scrambling in pockets for chillar for food, can't adjust in 2-3 BHK? So, the rent costing 23/24k and pretending to be struggling. Can you please have them move to 2 bhk in the suburbs- what's the need for them to stay in the most expensive part of the city? Your sisters can move to Hostel near their workplace, definitely not your job to provide them food and shelter. You can only create this drastic change in situation by claiming you suddenly got fired. Your parents are from Hyderabad - that really explains a lot about attitude towards son - I think they are saving most of the 90k to buy huge dowry/gold/land for your sisters' marriages as common in Telugu culture. (Sorry for offending anyone - just something I have heard/noticed a lot- please don't take it in wrong way! )Anyway, as I suggested, if you buy house for your parents (legally in your name) then they will also feel proud to live in own house... then they may be open to this idea.

 

It's unfortunate that you have zero control even after you being matured enough to understand how well your parents n siblings are playing you.

This shows 35k of expenses. Where does the other 55k go ? Your father is a spendthrift, so he will have a million ways to spend this by even handing it out to show off.

N you are paying for accommodation for your siblings as well since they are the ones crowding it for your father.

35k plus keep another 30k, that's 65k.
You can still give a bigger share of 40k since you are earning in dollars, n your siblings can can give 12.5k each per month.

Say you are doing not well for yourself. Say you are suffering, that they have asked to take a pay cut or leave the job. N you are looking for a job n the job market is very bad.

And lie or exaggerate about some health issues. Tell your mother that by them adding all this stress n with zero compassion n understanding from them, doctor says you won't live even as long as your father will.

Say your kids are scrambling for food. Can't even buy one new dress for festivals.

If they can hype, why can't you?

It's not possible to lessen your hate until unless you become numb inside or get a control over the finances.

Them understanding your struggles means reductions of monthly money for them, why would they do that ?

They don't even care if their grown son washes toilets to send them money, what more can you expect out of them?

I do hope you understand the worser pain that is coming your way if you have two unmarried sisters, their wedding, their child birth, expensive clothes, jewellery, gifts for her, her husband, her in laws, child birth, umpteen functions for the child, their marriage, their kids, it never stops. If you continue the same way, you n your wife may have to sell one kidney each to afford this all. N this is NEVER ending btw, you will be expected to do all your life, better reel it in now.

What do you need to do ?

Live your life, treat your wife n kids nicely unlike your father, go to restaurants, buy a house, invest for your retirement n kids, buy what you want, do what you want - basically "LIVE" n give whatever is extra to your parents , 50k indian rupee is enough for them to live in the same lifestyle.

Don't make the same mistake your mom did, of not reigning this man. You are also encouraging him like your grandfather n mother. So control it to what you can do. What's the point of blaming your mom if you can't control him too?

Say this is all I can give, if I give anymore, I have to live on the streets with my kids.

Don't live a life of bitterness, they will NEVER understand your sacrifices, so stop sacrificing. Treat your wife n kids well n start living your life.

 

OP, from your latest post it's quite clear that urge being emotionally blackmailed..your parents and siblings are extremely selfish people! if I'll forgive me for saying so..they won't hesitate to squeeze the last rupee or dollar out of u even if u and ur kids starve to death..I think 40 K per month is a reasonable contribution from your end not more than that..
Totally agree with @ashneys s reply above, you need to take a firm stand and deal with this, else you and your wife and kids will suffer life long..and your kids are small and need their parents as well, remember that..

 

One Sacrifices ;others Enjoy

U definitely need to go through the above IL thread..

 

Op....you know the problem and you know the solution.
You can't argue or discuss with them because they all fight dirty.Your dad,your mom and siblings....all of them fight dirty and they will sell your kids if they have to meet their selfish ends.

You need to pull the bandaid in one go to shock them into realization that you are not a endless source of money.

1) make up a financial disaster at your end. Tell them you have avheart condition because of which you have not been able to put in time at work or you have lost your primary job because of you having the illegal second job.

Tell them you will not be able send ANY money till you sort out the mess.
Do not send any money for 3 months.Let them find their way.Let them take stock of their life,let them struggle,let them deal with their **** for 3 months.let your siblings find ways to pay for the bloody effing penthouse.They will just have to get used to their job or move to a ' non penthouse' location.

Then extend the no help to another month saying you still have no job and are thinking of taken up a much lower paying job soon.

Send 1/4 of what you send now. Next month make it 1/3 and stop at that.See how grateful they will be and relieved they will be on getting 1/3rd . They will just have to learn to manage.

In these five months,get you life in order.
Start retirement funds,college funds ,look for a house you can afford to pay for without killing yourself. Then see what you can send your blood sucking family.

Op,your parents and siblings are all adults who can all do with a little less or work for their money . Don't deprive your children of a good life .They deserve it.

Stop getting effected by the emotional ******** they use.
If your parents ask how they can manage...tell them to manage the way you are managing with no job.

If your sisters talk about becoming prostitutes...tell them 'good luck with that' . They are all emotional and financial abusers.

Don't think of this as lying....you are just doing what they taught you .