How to deal with my cosister

Just another perspective, but maybe, she reads your "i am in a better position in all aspects than her..." vibes and tries to counter them with her weird behavior. Why do you need to compare between the two of you?

Whatever you did for the brother in the past, let go of it. Its the past, don't hang on to it and expect them to "return the favors" (as human as that expectation is).

As a newly-married younger DIL in the family she might have been insecure. And your behavior and subconscious projection that you have done SO much for the brother might have only made her more insecure and defensive over time.

If you let go of your current mindset, and stop clinging to what happened in the past (as difficult as it might be after all this) - you might be able to see her in a different way and better the relationship if you want to. Ignoring is always an option, but this seems more like a case of mistaken expectations.

 

For a change, pls tell me from the elder SIL's perspective. You have been married for 4-5 yrs and were very close to your BIL. You take freedom with him like a bro and get things done. Then the girl comes in, his wife, from a better position perhaps, as beautiful and rich as you are and she doesn't like your freedom with him. Then what? What will you think?

Do you feel your position is challenged? Or will you take the same freedom with her and show the same affection to her?

Actually, mine did not! She was already in the war field when I went in and behind were my !@#$^&!**! in-laws ready to battle me!

 

I agree, why compare? But you are human and you will be forced to. In my case, I always asked what did I lack in comparison to her? And why I get less affection, care, attention and GIFTS :spin from my in-laws? Why the difference between the brothers? Why why why.

But yeah, expectations are the worst enemies in your life. Stop expecting and you will be happier. We do all the donkey work and we get less, I used to think!

 

Then what?! You back off, because he is married, is starting off with a new relationship in his life, and you've got to give them both time to bond without jumping in with your own agenda.

And what is with the "position" or rich/beautiful thing? You are what you are because of your values and how you behave with people, not because you come from a rich family or are "beautiful".

It is human nature: the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Everyone of us is blessed in some form or the other, and for the sake of our own happiness, we can either choose to be grateful for what we have, or we can choose to look at that other side of the fence

 

I wish you were my co sister.

Instead of doing what you mentioned above my In-laws pointed out to me that she was his sister with a hidden implication that she had a right on him. It all went topsy turvy when I couldn't handle it anymore and I decided to take law in my hands. I had no choice. My in-laws were deaf an blind, my husband was dumb and I was suffering! So it was not lack of tacfulness or smartness. It was life in its rawest form.

 

Teardrop,

Sorry to hear about the ingratitude you faced from your ILs. But seriously this is how people behave these days. I will be surprised to see otherwise. Getting cynical

Can't you just ignore your SIL? You know she doesn't care for you. Reciprocate the same feelings but in a polite manner. Don't even waste one second of your time thinking about such people. Seriously, it's not worth it. I am sure you have better things to do.