how to deal with lazy hubby

Everybody has a different way of dealing with it. Your choices:

• Ignore that he is not helping and just do it yourself.
• Leave everything as is and live in a pig sty.
• Talk to him about it firmly but nicely.

When you talk to him give him options like.Hey tomorrow can you vaccum while I am cleaning the kitchen or Can you start the laundry while I am cooking.

Don't expect him to be perfect.Take it one day at a time.

Regarding his laptop ..tell him that its ok if he is busy with it but you need 2 hrs(eg) of his time daily. See what he says.Sometimes they want to talk or help but don't know where to start or how to..maybe this will give him a nudge.

FL

 

Dear ladies,
You know what I find humorous is that if you ask a guy to program the TV or VCR/DVD recorder, they know how to do it instantly. BUT ask them to turn on the dishwasher or washing machine/dryer, the don't know how. Is this just an excuse?
Asking for help around the house is like asking them to go to the dentist.

Most women feel compelled to just keep the peace in the home and do all the housework/chores themselves because they like a clean environment. It may have been different when they were growing up, their mom's most likely were stay at home moms. But when you are working, it takes both couple to share responsibilities of the home.

Sounds like a lot of us are in the same boat.

OOPALL.

 

True. I think with me the trouble is that I like things done a certain way (sheets have to be tucked in a certain way, laundry has to be folded a certain way, dishes have to be arranged a certain way etc etc...). :crazy

DH tries to do it, but if it isn't the way I would normally do it, I either tell him to do it my way (not good, sounds like "my way, or the highway") or I just redo it when he is not looking! He then feels unappreciated for the things he does around the house and slowly gives up... and I am to blame for it, although its still very patient of him that he tries to help his kinda obsessive-compulsive wife! :hide:

 

Vidya!! Welcome to the club! :cheers
I even have a way to line up the storage boxes in my pantry! Different type of hangers for different types of clothes.. the way to hang up clothes.. and so on..

Nothing that is not a furniture should be left on the carpet..

Even my LO sometimes take proactive steps like telling me, "Amma, I know I am leaving this book/papers/toys on the carpet, I will get back to it in minutes. So DON'T clean that up!" :rotfl

 

Are all men programmed to be lazy when it comes to house hold chores or only indian men are brought up like this? these days we get lot of fight ( i m the one who shouts and no reaction from other side) because of trivial issues like cleaning dishes,cleaning house etc...
We did work up a timetable for sharing chores and everyday I need to remind him of his work ... And he does it with a long face...
Need tips to manage these issues.

 

mamta,
very happy about your entry here.
what you written is a commen problem in all the houses.if we taken this one as a issue,it will give irritation,and misunderstanding,between the couples.
so you adjust some things this,
you don't say anything to do him.
you do your works and his work also silently,
don't get moody your face on that time,
if he occupied the laptop,you change your,interest to tv,books or music.
if you have any stress,give out here,and share here.
let do this for some days,
do this thinks as notable,but with happiness.
definitely it will give a change in your hubby.
keep your mood always happy. :rotfl

 

Dear Mamta, Sricharani & others ,

It is good that some one gave life to this thread, which was dead since 13th April 2010.

It is one of the key issues of conflict in every house, especially when the wife is also working.

"Sharing the household chores within the spouses", believe me, guys, there has been seminars on this subject in US and <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">Canada</st1lace></st1:country-region> in their so called 'Relationship Seminars". It is such an important and sensitive issue in relationships.

Do you guys, want to listen to the male's point of view ? let me tell my experience.

My wife is also a working woman. But, she did not work for the first few years, till our son became 3. Till such time, all household chores would be done by her and the maid. I had zero participation in it. No conflicts on this issue also.

Ever since, she started working, the expectation that I also should contribute in the household chores, started coming up. She expressed this anticipation of her, politely and firmly.

I was not willing. Why ? It is because of the fear that this contribution of me in household work may become my permanent burden.

Then, we started getting fights on the juidicious division of household works within ourselves. I was of the fixed idea that it is women who are 'nest-defenders'..............."if you can not complete your house works, employ one more maid. why do you expect me to do it?", this was my reply.

I never understood, what a powerful passion killer, this conflict arising out of sharing household works , is.

It was a very powerful passion killer.

My wife, never shouts at me on any issues. In this issue also, said her point of view once to me........and then left me alone.

but underneath, she was sulking.........within herself.

It took around three years for me ...........to realise, how this burden of household works and my unsharing attitude, made her feel getting exploited..............to realise, how she feels injudicious about it............to realise, how much glory it can bring about in our overall relationship, if I slightly change my ideas and start participating in household works, to the extent possible.

Then we sat down and made a chart of households as some one else also said above.........and I agreed to do 30 % of it daily. It will be buying vegetables and groceries, preparing masala in mixie for non veg dishes (cooking is done by maid, we prepare only masala daily), looking after Hindi for my son(rest of all subjects are looked after by my wife).

I also made a precondition that if on some days, I am not able to my alloted 30 % due to lack of time, I should be pardoned. My wife agreed to this precondition.

Now doing these three works, every day, needed extra time for me. But , gradually I realised, I am the person getting benefitted out of my own contribution.

A husband's , possible contribution towards household works, makes the wife feel comfortable and relaxed, at the end of the day.

A wife who feels bruised mentally and exploited, because of the reluctance of the husband to do households, is a frustrated wife............When there is frustration, there is no passion..........when there is no passion, there is no meaningful intimacy.

Then , after this realisation...........that whatever seeds I plant in the form of my contribution in households, I only am going to reap the harvests, in the form of a more happy wife, a more passionate wife, a wife, more willing for intimacy.

Then, years went on. I myself, slowly made my contribution 50%.

This change came in me, after three years of married life...........took another one year for me accept it totally.

With your man, the same change is possible. It all depends upon how you put it across................the point that his own contributions are his own benefits.

One more important thing.........we have a high dose of male ego from our childhood.............and things like real macho men do not bother much about their women...............and we have seen our fathers not doing household help to our mothers.............so, instinctively, most men( It means, most men, i know, again, I am not generalising) feel it is right, for a woman to do all the household work.

It requires lot of patient efforts from your side to change such fixed ideas about gender role in household works.

I am not asking you to suffer silently. Same time, do not start fighting as if it is your right to ask him to do 50 % of household work from tomorrow itself.

It is a fixed idea that has been there in men's mind for decades. Fixed ideas need plenty of time and effort for change. Overnight changes are impossible.

Belligerance and fight will not solve the issue, buddy, especially in this area.

 

I have faced this problem too some time back but I made some progress in solving the problem. I don't know if it may well work for others.
I give my dh a lot of "incentive" to help me manage the housework. My goal is that I make him adopt some habit in doing the housework with me until I don't have to "reward" him all the time.
For example, I ask him to clean his own desk (tidying, dusting,etc). ln return I promised him to serve his favorite coffee (which is far less difficult thing to do). It worked and in that way (although it required a great deal of tact not to make the whole thing look as if I am making him my slave hahaha ) I expanded my program into making him tidy his own clothes and shoes, as well as clearing up the table after dinner.
I don't know if it will work for you people. You may want to give it a little try. :thumbsup

 

I should consider myself lucky.It is completely the opposite in my house.DH is so particular abt cleaning..while im lazy:rotflHe always wants the kitchen clean..doesnt mind if i dont give him anything to eat..he is happy seeing it clean..bas!He keeps on cleaning it..loads the dishes...helps me in cooking.Before getting married,he told me that I'm very lucky as he's a hands on person...But now I realise the worth of a helping hand.We dont have kids yet...but he says..give me a baby girl and go anywhere..I'll look after the baby.I love him..but sometimes take him for granted.Must learn to count my blessings.

 

Yes rose8282 you are having a great DH. I help out with chores around the house as well, but not so insistent to have a clean kitchen like your DH, LOL But DW and I manage in our own way :thumbsup We dont have hard and fast rule, and we help each other.