How To Deal With In-laws At My House?

Hello,

[Apologies - posting after a long time! I really even forgot my password]

My in-laws are here and we live outside India. This is second visit in the past 13 years we have been married and we have both lived outside India for 17 years now. We rarely invite them because the father is a REAL pain (and so is the mother but my husband does not believe that). They came for about 2 months and 1 more week left for them to leave. I need some suggestions and opinions on what is happening here and next steps I can take.

They never really came here to stay, so visits were about 1 week at their house which is very short as compared to 2 months here. As always, I loved having them here for 1 week to 10 days and then it has been a TORTURE for me (and for my husband too).

About the MIL, she is a bit sly - her snarky comments come as part of a very enjoyable and hearty conversation and with just me. The FIL is NASTY, really NASTY and he disrespects his wife too.
As examples, some of her comments have been - "oh we don't have a cook because they cook eggs and come to our house first thing in the morning"; The reason for her to say that is we don't eat eggs and I still don't but I make it for my son the first thing in the morning. Here people eat all sorts of foods and my son will not have the energy if I don't plan on filling him proteins such as eggs, legumes, pulses etc. Another example has been. If my husband asks his mom if the dad wants ice cream ( yes, at age 75 ) she will say no but he needs it and he gets upset that there are no dessert items ( or some kind of sweet) after Lunch and Dinner.

The FIL is so nasty that he gets angry and stops talking to me and my husband if he didn't like what I made for breakfast, if I didn't get him his coffee when he wakes up, if there is no "tiffin" in the afternoon and many other such reasons (mostly at stuff my husband does or does not do). My husband has told me not to budge and make anything special and I cannot even do that given the amount of energy I spend in cooking - cooking a new dish daily as opposed to cooking 3 times a week when it is just us. It is exhausting! And she does not help at all, even if I tell her too. On weekends, I am good - no problem at all but on mondays to fridays it is a terrible job for me to make sure they are fed and all they do is watch TV, go for walks in the morning and nap (literally their schedule all day). And, he has the nerve to be angry at me. For all of you who live outside India and who do not have maids, you know how difficult it is to manage the house. My husband is very helpful with everything and they do nothing and all we get is comments.

I'm not sure how to deal with all this. It has been about a month and a half so far, another week for them to leave. Should I just shut up (I'm not the kind who can and I have told my husband and shown it to them occasionally too). My husband always supports his mom and she is somewhat OK but I do not like her. I am done with them and was thinking if I should just stop talking or budge and do everything for one more week or something else? I am running out of ideas here.

[Apologies if I have offended anyone, I understand some of us like our in-laws]

 

Thanks! - my husband is usually supportive, not always. I try to tread walking a thin line with anything I say. I do not expect them to say anything nice at all about us but I guess I could try to keep quiet and not show my anger too much. It is really hard with them here, and oh my the expenses - it is A LOT! Anyway, thank you for sharing your view.

 

True, they rarely visit and I would think this is their last visit (need to confirm with my husband LOL). Oh no mood for sure to help me and I agree I definitely will not like the way they do things (MIL is ridiculously dirty - she does not even wash fruits before eating or vegetables before cutting!). Thanks for sharing your view.

 

Yes, it was completely accidental that I forgot the password, and you will not believe this I had a different user name under which I used to post regularly about 5 years back but I completely lost track of the username and password! And, I do remember you from 5 years back

OK, status quo it is! I have been really really nice (not going out of my way but I just don't listen to their words) and talking a little bit, doing the cooking, packing lunches for my little one's summer camp and going about my life as usual. They seem (surprisingly!) calmer and nicer too. So, I will maintain status quo for the next 4 days. Who knows may be the will remember me that way?

I have no plan to pack their stuff, the son or they themselves may do it as it will be quite a lot of work for me. They have done quite a bit of shopping here on a couple of days - items such as band aids, slippers, flower vases, dish cloths etc (like we don't get those items in India!). I'm spending my time thinking of what to do when they leave ( I'll need to clean the house and the room in which they were sleeping, ugh!). Just fantasizing on that . As for a mini vacation, we definitely need to do it for this Summer, so I will take a few days off and plan a nice getaway a couple of weeks after they leave. But, thinking of taking your idea and booking mini vacations the weekend after they leave.

I am thinking of "taking the higher road" and asking her how on earth she does so much for him. He literally sits on his spot and asks her to get something to eat or drink or whatever. They are not exactly old, late 60s while my parents and every one in my extended family is in their mid 70's to early 80's but super active (I am in my late 30s). My guess is that's why the MIL looks like she is 78 to 80 when she is 10 years younger doing all the work for her husband and ofcourse both of them eating sugary items, deep fried items etc (we don't even eat all those items regularly even though we are young).

Thank you for sharing your view.

 

Yes, it was completely accidental that I forgot the password, and you will not believe this I had a different user name under which I used to post regularly about 5 years back but I completely lost track of the username and password! And, I do remember you from 5 years back

OK, status quo it is! I have been really really nice (not going out of my way but I just don't listen to their words) and talking a little bit, doing the cooking, packing lunches for my little one's summer camp and going about my life as usual. They seem (surprisingly!) calmer and nicer too. So, I will maintain status quo for the next 4 days. Who knows may be the will remember me that way?

I have no plan to pack their stuff, the son or they themselves may do it as it will be quite a lot of work for me. They have done quite a bit of shopping here on a couple of days - items such as band aids, slippers, flower vases, dish cloths etc (like we don't get those items in India!). I'm spending my time thinking of what to do when they leave ( I'll need to clean the house and the room in which they were sleeping, ugh!). Just fantasizing on that . As for a mini vacation, we definitely need to do it for this Summer, so I will take a few days off and plan a nice getaway a couple of weeks after they leave. But, thinking of taking your idea and booking mini vacations the weekend after they leave.

I am thinking of "taking the higher road" and asking her how on earth she does so much for him. He literally sits on his spot and asks her to get something to eat or drink or whatever. They are not exactly old, late 60s while my parents and every one in my extended family is in their mid 70's to early 80's but super active (I am in my late 30s). My guess is that's why the MIL looks like she is 78 to 80 when she is 10 years younger doing all the work for her husband and ofcourse both of them eating sugary items, deep fried items etc (we don't even eat all those items regularly even though we are young).

Thank you for sharing your view.

 

Hello, just wanted to update everyone. They left earlier this week and I have since then been trying to breathe. It was tough with them! I'm thinking never again they come here, but my husband thinks one last time they can come. I was like wth! They just left, so possible he thinks that way. I need to make sure they are never invited again.
Thank you for your support!