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How to deal with entirely different natured kids

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by gray, Mar 24, 2010.

  1. gray

    gray New IL'ite

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    Hi, I am new to this website, but find it excellent particularly the advices from all the ILs out there. I would like suggestions from moms who have similar problem. My kids are aged 6 and 9. The elder is very playful and childish while the younger is very mature. The elder is very soft at heart, while the younger keeps herself first. The younger is very social, while the elder is shy. The elder is very bright academically, while the younger doesn't like to spend time with books. The younger one gets ready to school without me having to supervise while the elder has to be prompted for every thing she has to do. Even if it the last minute to reach the bus stand, she is very cool and relaxed. I have to keep hurrying her. With both of them like this, I usually and unknowingly compare the elder one with the younger saying how she doesn't have to be reminded about doing things or her social ways with others which I feel are more important in these days.
    I try my best not to compare, but somehow it comes out. What are the best ways to show that she needs to develop according to her age and that she needs to be more social and world wise.
     
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  2. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    hi gray,
    never compare.
    each one has her /his own unique characteristics.just because one is slow in some field ,u need not point & compare then.
    give elder one some extra minutes to do everything like changing clothes or walking to bus.
    my dear, remember u don't want clones who are same in all ways.u wanted loving,confident ,different natured kids which u have got.just adjust to their nature.learn to remember & verbally appreciate the good qualitues u see in both of them.
    pragati
     
  3. gray

    gray New IL'ite

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    Hi Pragati,

    Thanks for the reply. I do sometimes try to give extra time to the elder one. Yesterday night I told her that if she gets ready to school 5 mins earlier than I would give her extra allowance (which I set up for both the kids). And today morning I didn't pressure her to get ready and just checked if she could do it...By the time she came out of the bathroom, it was 8:40 and the bus comes at 8:35. Then I had to hurry and get her dressed by 8:50 and drop her at school. Similarly with breakfast, I usually set 10 minutes, but she goes on and on...Hope you can understand how relaxed she is...I really don't understand how to get her to be more responsible. If I scold her, she cries and forgets.
     
  4. enlightened

    enlightened Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Gray,
    My sister and I are two entirely different people...while I am an extrovert, she is an introvert...while I am not very determined, she is very...like u said two entirely different personalities ..our parents accepted us the way we were.never compared us and praised /chided us for what we did...that is the trick...

    Deepa.
     
  5. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Gray, it is so weird - when I read your post, it sounds like my two little ones. Except that mine are 7 and 3 and it is a boy and a girl!!! They are excatly as you describe yours with just the difference of my son hates to miss school bus, so he will instead skip bathing/brushing - some days God, it is not easy. Anyways here are a couple of things that have worked for me sometimes, not consistently yet - hopefully will get there one day. I wake him up 20mins earlier than his regular time. Let him laze around and keep an alarm for him to start his getting ready start time and end time.....it doesn't work everytime, but there are days it does. I agree allowance raise, a special prize nothing works. The other stategy I apply is telling him that I can send his teacher an email asking her help to make him understand his responsibility - this almost gets everything done! And yet on some days, I ask my younger one to be with him and get ready with him - this works when both of them are in the mood. The other thing I do is make it a point to mutter around loudly that he is getting late but I am not helping him and he can sit and watch the bus go by. That almost always helps. As he is growing up unfortunately I am realising, he needs to understand the consequences of his actions. So may be one or two times how ever bad it looks like you may have to tell your daughter that if she is not ready by such and such a time, she simply will have to miss school!

    About social behaviour I never compare - exactly like yours mine are. But I am helping the older one learn the ropes and seeing the younger ones, he is becoming better :) Still he is more choosy and reserved but then that is a personality trait - one is like me and the other is like my husband. Ofcourse my DH always feels that I think they are like me for all the good things :)
     
  6. radsahana

    radsahana Silver IL'ite

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    hi Gray

    Like Rama said, even i have 6 yrs and 3 yrs Girl and boy.

    My DD 6 yrs old, is very soft and sensitive, takes time to do things but do like to hurry when i will say, the school is going to start hurry up.

    younger one doenst want to go to school at all, but very quick and social. He also does his own thing at his age, whereas like u said for my DD i have to still help her.

    MY DD will start crying if i raise a voice, whereas my DS doesnt have any effect, even i spank him in his butt sometime

    And u said it becomes sometime difficult not to compare, but yes as a MOTHER we need to undstd they are 2 distinct personality, each one required different type of handling.

    Each child develops at a different age and at different speed.

    IF possible rather than using negative language try using positive language always like "I know you can do it", "YEah u are always brilliant" "IT is very easy for u, i know" . Generally i use this with my daughter and it works wonders.

    Sometime they really look for our appreciation and it really helps them to grow positively.
     
  7. gray

    gray New IL'ite

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    Thank you all for the wonderful advices....and Srama no doubt our kids get such different traits since we marry people with different traits.. :). Yeah my husband is conservative too....
    The only problem is I go too soft on her. I do tell her that she will have to face the consequences, and in the next minute I am the one rushing and getting her ready on time.
    Anyway as suggested by enlightened and radsahana, probably I should try raising my percantage of positive words and see if it will help her.
     

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