Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Twinkel, Nov 21, 2019.
@Dhamini 100% agree
@mangaii , @Dhamini
True in a way.. it works well until my mom blurts out everything unknowingly and that may spoil my relation with both side parents
I'll try and strictly tell my mom to forget about this matter atleast until delivery. After that my mom will anyway get busy with grandkids and hoping she'll forget the whole matter by then!!
Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy and later your time with your beautiful twins.
Hey Twinkel...let me first try to understand your mother's thinking.
Your mother has seen you as a two earning ,two people family and most probably you will soon turn into a one earning ,four member family.
You will probably take a few years off to take care of your twins. Caring for twins is a little more hard work in the intial years.
She is probably anxious about your financial position.
It is for you to convince her that you are financially doing fine .
Explain to her how caring your marital family is and that you and your husband are fine with this arrangement.
As for the income from farm property, explain to her that it is your bil's hard earned income . He works on the farms. Tell her if he stops working on your husband's share of the farm,it will go barren and in a way he is taking care of the farm for your husband .
If it was not for him,your husband would have to pay someone to keep a watch .
As for rental income,tell her it belongs to mil and she is being taken care of by bil and his family.
Let her know that your children's inheritance is safe and your husband and his children will inherit it one day .
Explain to her that if you are ever financially stressed ,you will let her and mil know.
Explain once and tell her that you don't want to be stresses out now and just want to enjoy being with her .
Next time your mom opens this topic, tell her that you have discussed with your husband and he has told that he will speak about this with his folks at the right time. I don't think your mother will keep asking same thing again and again.
That is exactly what you need to explain to your mother. You can't buy happiness. Money is not everything. Looking at the problem with so many other families, your mother should count her blessing for the harmony. God has given you plenty and it isn't easy to care for elder parents as they get older.
No matter how well intentioned, you need to make her understand that it is not her place to interfere in your marriage. If she has properties, she can give it to your twins.
I won't be so sure of that.
A major way that parents interfere in their adult child's relationship is by crossing boundaries. A parent always mean well; but, it is still detrimental. It can create serious wedge between you and ILs, especially when you are expecting twins and when everybody is so excited.
I applaud you for your maturity and understanding. Parenting is so difficult, and sometimes restraint is the hardest part. Whenever she tries to butt into another area of your life, simply reply, "Mom, I love you; for now, I want to focus on having my babies. I want to sort through this property issue by myself. If I need help I sure will ask you."
I feel ILs would have been much harder, if it was MIL.
I've stopped working long back due to fertility struggles and assist in my husband's business. And my mom knows, with or without my assistance , dh makes decent amount. I guess she's not actually worried about the present income we are making and suddenly family doubling in size, but she's thinking in lines of, "we aren't claiming income on it so ultimately the property cannot be claimed and in future, my kids may not get their share property." Which isn't true, neither legally nor ethically, as I know my in-laws.
Yesterday evening I explained her how stressed I am because of this issue and though we have legal rights, how inappropriate it would be to take up this issue with them now, when my bil is in financial stress. I also assured her that maybe in 5 years time or so, when things settle down at his end, we might think about income sharing on property. She seems to understand, as she calmed down and understood we aren't giving up our property due to negligence and we are well aware of what's going on. She didn't get into much details but told me to be careful in property matters, and that she's also happy because I have high regard for my in laws and I respect and care for my bil as I do my own brother. And had a heartful chit chat session with my mom which I haven't done in recent times and am feeling relieved now