How To Deal This Problem With In-laws?

It seems u r in joint family. Try talking to ur mil directly about ur wish to wear jeans in a nice way. since u say ur in-laws are good in other aspects, hope she understands.

 

Op,

I think ur parents should educate you about what a married life is like. Giving a good education, freedom with cloth styling is easy part. But honey, you dont get to keep ur maiden name(not on records) after getting married. You are part of new family.. so they will have new rules. You should divorce ur H if these things are bothering you and you can go live a free life.
Do you think 2 sisters will behave alike after growing up under same roof?? Here, you r talking abt a new family alltogether. Just like ur parents gave u good education, freedom..ur inlaws did the same thing to ur H.
Many ppl from ur inlaws gen think that the DIL becomes their property since the day of engagement. She made the change in ur hairstyle.. wrong for sure. You should have opposed them right there or ur parents should have seen it as a redflag. But no, you walked into marriage knowing it fully. And i bet that even if u got engaged to another guy, there would have been something thing else. No one is perfect.
So, coming to the life now, show some patience. Wearing jeans, not wearing jewellery is not end of life. Middle class life demands all these. Inlaws only want to see that dil looks "sanskari" and not cheap. You cant have the same life post marriage. There will be changes. So, focus on positive things like learning cooking and showing patience.
I moved from usa. My mil saw me in micro mino skirts. But, once i moved to india, all hell broke loose. Jeans, kurthis, spending time on terrace/garden,etc all were taboo.. i was angry initially and have shown all my anger,frustration on everyone. My parents supported me(which i hate till date). But, eventually i realized that the middle class neighbourhood that i live had mixed ppl around who would eagerly wait for an opportunity for the new girl to come out, see her, judge her, stalk on FB, get phone num to chk out whatsapp DP, etc.. what not.. My parents too live in middle class area since we r from middle class, but ppl around there have seen me since childhood and hence dont have bad eyes on me when i wear jeans..
So,honey, make changes slowly. Wear jeans only when u r out of sight of ur ils, remove jewelley once u r out of house, keep ur fav footwear in ur car and wear ur fil fav footwear while leaving house. Slowly, you will get to wear ur fav stuff full time without hiding. Inlaws just need an assurance that u r part of their family too. By doing this, you are not being submissive or subordinate or lowering ur level. You are just being smart.

 

Hi OP,

Am sorry to hear what you are going through.. I would say pick your battles wisely.. if you think wearing that slipper is important, go get another one exactly like that.. keep buying a new one if they mess with what you have..

Dont bring anything to your husband, deal with it yourself.. you are an adult. As long as it is appropriate for the place you are visiting, wear what you are comfortable in..if people oppose, dont respond.. or just say am sorry that we have different tastes, but i like this one..you are an adult, and no one should be forcing you to dress a certain way..

 

When I say adult i am thinking of someone who knows not to wear jeans when visiting a grand ma in law in the village or a family function in the in laws side...

Also as a newly wed wife, you don't have to be a doormat and agree to everything, but i would consider dressing different once in a while to my husband's preference, especially if dh says i like you in that saree or you look lovely when you wear these jewels! Would help make your bond closer.

 

Are you financially independent ?
You don't have to be rude or talk back to your in laws, but can still keep doing what you want..
I don't think you can live your entire life under fear or threat of a divorce. You have to figure out a diplomatic way of putting things across without having to fight.

 

Dont worry OP, relationships take time .. In the meantime try not to complain about his parents to him..dont compare yourself to your SIL, although these double standards are annoying.. If I were you, I would go on a shopping trip with my SIL and buy the exact same dress she buys ( may be a diff color) and say hey I and my new sis got matching outfits to wear one day, how is it.. see what the IL's have to say