How To Cope In A Marriage Where Husband Does Not Even Consider Me As A Human ?

This is very sad and difficult. Your daughter also n3eds a sane and happy mom. Leave the Marriage. Stay separately and see how it goes

 

Do marriage counselling. If that doesn't help try to live separate for some time. focus on becoming financially independent. Don't worry too much about your daughter. She will be fine. If you stay in bad marriage you will get depression, health issues. Focus on your health and career.

 

@bchoppa

It is normal human tendency to share happiness and sadness with other friends and family and when you don't have that option, the mind keeps building pressure like a cooker. It is hard to share the issues you are encountering with family and friends as spousal relationship is so important and some of them may knowingly or unknowingly contribute to increasing the problem than solving it.

Here are my suggestions:

1) You need to have a meaningful conversation with your husband about how you feel and have those points jotted down in a paper so that you are clear in your communication. If he has anything to say about you, please listen to it carefully and assure him that you are willing to change, if required, giving him hint that he should be ready to do so. There is no point in internally burning without discussing it with him. Two things it can do, 1) It gives him opportunity to change himself, or 2) Find out what is in his head to behave that way.
2) The next step is to ask him to participate in marriage counseling with you for the benefit of the child. He should know your mental status is going to not only affect him but your child as well.
3) Give him an assurance that you are in the marriage for a long haul provided that the issues are resolved amicably with professional help.
4) Don't allow your mind to reconcile to anything calling it as a fate. That only increases the divide more than solving it. Self-esteem is important but self-pity is bad. If you like to promote self-esteem, you need to stand up for yourself first in order to bring harmony in the family. You are part of the family and family can't be happy without you being happy.
5) Separation is the last resort only after all the opportunities have been exhausted. That requires a lot of thinking and a lot of planning. It is too premature to jump into that as a solution.

Wherever there is no equal rule applicable to the spouse, it is an issue but both the one who is applying it and the one who is allowing it are equally responsible for such a deterioration of relationship. You are underestimating your capabilities to resolve it to your complete satisfaction while staying married. By getting into the root causes of the problem and writing it down, you can easily find a meaningful solution. But you should be firm that status quo is not an option and allowing your feeling miserable to dominate your life.

I wish you all the best.

 

As I read this my eyes turned moist. But you are not alone experiencing this type of situation. Huge population of ladies are going through and later learn to cope from others who had already sailed similar or identical boat. Members of this IL community would certainly give their cents and you may get insights.
With best wishes

 

Can you provide more details and specifics. if this is a abusive marriage. it is a whole different issue. But if your h is immature and still not able to understand his priorities as father and spouse. lot of above suggestion would work. Sometimes dis-associating with the other person for a period of time makes lot of difference.

 

OP, Its not unusual for many Indian men to maintain their parents as their top priority even after marriage, especially arranged one. But they canot replace a life partner or vice versa. As you are staying outside dont allow you PiLs take away your peace of mind. Why is it affecting you. Are they micromamaging you or abusing you. How his affinity towards them is a problem for you. You can read many posts here on this issue.

You have every right to get worried if there is verbal, physical, emotional and financial abuse or cheating . I wont suggest anyone to continue in an abusive marriage.

If this not the situation, then you need to talk to your husband and express your feelings in a calm cool way, not in a blaming or confronting way using few sentences. They cant process too much. Set boundaries, manage your own salary, focusing on self love, your kids, hobbies, building network / support system, seek help through counseling, manage stress, living your life by making yourself the top priority etc can help to cope with it or divert your mind. But it wont alone give you a happy married life. For that both need to work together.

I am not sure what the core issue is, but staying in a stressful marriage is very bad for your health. Make sure you take care if your health, eat good food, and suppliments( multi vitamines including D) neutrients as body cant take stress beyond a certain threshold leading to autoimmune issues for example.
But if your husband is narcistic or has similar characteristics, marriage counselling wont work and can have opposite effect. But still, going alone will help you get clarity and ideas to deal with this. If so, you need to empower youself to cope with the situation. I understand its very hard for you consider seperation, but it should be the last resort. If there is abuse, dont stay as it wont be good for you or kid. If you give some pointers ILites can help you better.

 

Marriage in few days and fiance diagonised with maligant tumor - confused totally
The above is OP thread written in June 2012. It is sad story about lover diagnosed to suffer from malignant lump. This thread ran to 8 pages receiving over 70 responses. It was a bad beginning.

What To Do?

In the above link @Amulet had advised OP curtly that she should go for divorce. This was in 2019.

SHE IS LIVING with this problem since years and now seeking how to cope? She resides in South India and not known whether she is financially independent and lives presently in joint family or separate establishment? In such a situation suggesting ways and means would be a redundant exercise.