How to convince hubby about having baby

This is very true, Mstrue. As for what goes through my mind at times, you have it correctly laid out above. I also know that no one can do parenting/daddying right always, and hence I sometimes go into a freeze-mode of uncertainty. If I think calmly, I know I can be a very good Dad, but I easily get overwhelmed when I imagine all sorts of things that need to be all rightly done.
I dont know if I am being clear, but maybe you understand since your DH has gone through something similar.

Anyway eventually my DW chose to follow your approach after waiting and waiting and waiting... So, I have a finite time now to "prepare myself" to go through with it I really hope I'll be ok when I do decide to take the plunge :hide:

We do so many things without blinking an eyelid when it comes to professionally handling things at work etc. That is easy peesy. While I can handle that without getting overwhelmed, things like this make me pause more *shrug*

Hmmm...I know some extent what you are going through. Have seen my DW go through a range of emotions on my side.And, I sometimes dont know how to react. Which is why I was pondering may not be a bad idea to chat sometime with ya'll folks...
Can you explain what you mean by "there is more to it"?

 

Smart move, should I say?! ;-) Kidding.. Here is my reasoning:
We were DINKs (Double income, No Kids), stable jobs, stable income (I was earning a six figure salary in US dollars), stable relation (absolutely no marital issues - very compatible), No IL issues either side.

Only problem, he wasn't ready. :hide: And to my desperation, no push from either side parents for grandkids!! So it dawned on me finally that it is high time I take action. Tried all subtle means and finally the ultimatum. He needed that push.

But as I never like fighting or forcing.. I was equally prepared to accept the Never option too. Luckily he opted 'Now'. Choice was still his, Spiderman. It was not an emotional blackmail or something.. just showed him the raw reality, that's all. Had he opted never, I am sure I would have still loved him the same way.

I know! But you know what.. for certain things, you will never 'feel ready'. But believe me, you 'will be ready' when you need to be.

In my opinion, you are ready if you can provide a 'happy home' for your kid.
All that a kid needs is first and foremost loving parents that love and respect each other. Financial security ofcourse is the next thing.
Other than that, no big must-haves....only nice-to-haves.. Parenting is a skill you master as you practice. Trial and Error is the way.

You will be, Spiderman. Your fear for commitment is the proof for 'The Responsible Dad' you are going to be. :thumbsup

I draw that inference out of my DH who is one of The Best Dads in the whole wide world.
He is such a Devoted Dad that sometimes I wish my dad were like him. He is more than a mother to my son.

And you will be one for your baby too.

 

mstrue,
Thanks for the feedback & encouragement.

 

Second mortgage or Child?

I know this has been discussed before but i am still hoping that someone can advice me on how to deal with this.

My husband feels extremely insecure about kids and wants to postpone having a baby as long as possible. I am 28 and I am married for little more than 2.5 years. Both of us are well educated and have equally successful careers. No debts what so ever other than the mortgage (car's and bike are also paid off).
According to a professional estimate, we will be paying off the mortgage 4 years before retirement. And we have (as of today) enough money to keep us going for 8 months (maintaining same life style and pay off all bills) in case both of us loose jobs at the same time.
All this clearly shows that we are in a fairly comfortable financial state.

Now the problem is, early 2009, we agreed that we will start planning for baby in early 2010. Now when I ask my hubby about kids (mind you, he didnt take the topic himself), he is saying that he would like to own another property, cottage to be specific. He says its for investment. OK fine...
But this means, we will be taking up all our saving into getting the down payment for this cottage.
Which again means, we cannot afford a baby. According to the estimate now, we will be able to start planning only in 2012. He keeps saying, "whats the rush. Once we have the baby we are finished. Its like owning a second mortgage. we will never be able to find money once the baby is here"....etc etc

Even though he has a point, I started getting worried. He is always making excuses about babies. I want them and he doesn't. I am fairly sure that even in 2012 he will find an excuse. what shall I do?

I think men are more practice about these but I am unable to accept that he wants a cottage and I want a baby. Both together aren't an option. And truly speaking, I dont want to have a baby if he is not ready. But will he ever be? What should i do?

thank you all for reading this.

 

Re: Second mortgage or Child?

Rakhii,

BIG NO for second mortgage.Please plan for baby.You said,you aer 28.By the time pregnency and delivery we will easily enter into mid 30.
it will take time for the whole process.it's not like one month or two month thing to have a baby.
You are physically less capable with age.For child birtha and any other things we need to be physically fit.
So big no to postpone child.I heard from many of my friends,men never be ready for child.But they are the who enjoy more once you have the child.
If there is any fertility issues,you only would know after you start the process.The average conceving time is 6months.So if you take all these into consideration by the time delivery ,you will be in your 30.
Keep your foot down now,.

All the best,

 

Priya, thank you. If I keep my foot down and force him for baby, will he be blaming me for everything that is (if) going to go wrong financially?
I am just so worried. he is not prepared now...what if he isn't bonded with the child and the situation goes from bad to worst?

i know too many what if's here.

any experiences of people who have gone through my situation?

EDIT: He is a caring husband and I absolutely love him to the core. I can say the same thing about him too. When it comes to kids he just freaks out. And I am fairly sure I am not going to opt for now or never. He is going to say never, for sure (knowing him very well).

 

:rotflWHY DO MEN freak so much when u say baby? Ask them what they are worried ? they cant even spel it out . So much for calling themselves Practical and logical.
Spidy .. u tooo .. come on..
Mstrue. Ur husband could not react for a day ,imagine mine for a week . He was numb rather i would say sliiped into trance. He had no idea what i was going thru...

There are n number of people procreating in this world and why dont we do our share as well...:thumbsup kidding. The joy of parenting is priceless..

Yes there needs to be a certain amount of planning but given a choice my dh would have never been ready till date.( My ds would be 5 in fewmonths) Now we are trying for baby for a year and has nt happened yet.