How To Convince Dh

Hi Shama,

First of all, congratulations on securing a government job!

Before applying for this role, did you consult with your family—your husband and children—about the potential challenges, such as relocation or managing a long-distance arrangement? If so, what were their thoughts? For instance, if they had concerns about relocating due to your children’s education or other facilities, were they open to the idea of you maintaining a distant relationship until you can transfer closer to home?

Did you explain to them how important this job is for you and the family, both financially and socially? These discussions are essential to have before applying for such a position, not after receiving the offer.

Now that the decision is made, what is your husband’s stance on a distant relationship? If you choose to relocate and return home on weekends, you’ll need a reliable support system to handle daily responsibilities in your absence—like cooking, childcare, and nurturing the kids. Do you have a dependable family member, such as your mother, mother-in-law, or another relative, who could assist during this time? Keep in mind that relying on extended relatives can sometimes lead to interference in family matters, which you’ll need to navigate carefully.

Is your salary sufficient to cover additional expenses, such as hiring help to manage your absence?

On the other hand, how willing and available is your husband to step up in your absence? Can he take on an active role in fulfilling the children’s needs and ensuring their well-being while you’re away?

Lastly, are you emotionally and physically prepared for this change? Managing a household remotely, frequent travel, and spending limited time with your family will require significant adjustments from everyone involved.

Remember, no one is indispensable. While your absence may be challenging at first, your family will eventually adapt to this new normal. It’s important for women to pursue financial independence and personal achievements. Motherhood should not prevent you from chasing your dreams. At this stage in life, it’s either now or never—so make a well-informed decision.

Consider the questions above carefully, build a reliable support system, and plan accordingly. Once you’re ready, discuss your decision confidently with your spouse.

 

Dear OP

Congratulations on getting the job!

It is clear from your post that you want this job and you and your husband were on the same page during the application process.
It is also clear that you identify the problems as well. The one with your husband being insecure of your financial independence and yours being that of a poor communicator.
Believe me it is a great start that you know the problems that need to be addressed.
Probably you cannot do anything about his, but can do more about yours.
Since he has communicated his concerns, offer and show him a solution to all his concerns.
Do it in a polite and non-confrontational way but bring out all your leadership skills to show him a functioning solution before you join.
Sort out the mornings and kids routines, hire consistent house help and join on probation? maybe.
In the process remember not to overwhelm yourself as well.
Wish you all the best.

 

I would be very cautious to leave 11 year old girl with grand parents for various reasons. Unless your husband and parents are willing to take full responsibility this isn't advisable.
This is the age they require mom's care and guidance.
Please think twice before making this decision. I'm all for women pursuing her career but not at the expense of leaving family behind and going to remote place with quarterly visit . Do you know if you can get transfer after a year ? What is your plan after a year ?

 

I think I totally missed the info about leaving the children with grandparents for extended periods of time to pursue the job. It changes my perspective and thus my advice.