how to convince dh reg pil's visit to USA..

Kijo
Excellent! Ur DH is reasonable ...Granted he cannot argue with his parents..and thats something we can manage. Here is what I would suggest .Talk to him . Tell him these exams mean a lot to you. Emphasize that each year wasted at this junture will only postpone ur plans. Gently tell him that when his parents come u want to spend time with them ,take them around and not constantly worry about studying. Make him see that its better to postpone the trip by a few months so that u can concentrate on ur studies. Dont say anything negative about his parents. It will lead to unnecessary arguments.
About kids...when ur PIL pester u just them a white lie. U both are thinking about it and its all in Gods hands (Excellent advice viji ma ) and the doctor said if you worry too much it wont happen.
Best wishes for ur exam dear!

 

With such not understanding inlaws, writing exam would be one hell on a thing for you. Speak to your DH and ask him to postphone the visit for a while. Well u said "they have to listen na"... however its your DH who would book the tickets isint, come out with a future date or some office commitment by which he might have to travel or so and their visit after a few months would be apt to go around.. something like this you folks can tell them. At the end of the year however you guys plan to go, that time they cant come. Its better to open your mouth and speak out to Dh than to hesitate and then feel later why didnt i tell. As JAG said no negative words.

now with the mil nagging about kids, you can as well say that "gotta ask your son maa ji" repeat this every time, and dont care. Have kids when you both want to have and not for inlaws force

 

Worse case senario if they come, find the closest university library go to LIbrary around 8 am with lunch and come back home around 11 pm that is what I did during exams, we shared apartment with one of DH friend, initially both of them expected me to cook but it did not work out for them, if you are determined nothing will stop you, pay deaf ear to everyone.

 

Kijo,
You can get them to postpone the trip - but they'll still visit you later when your exams are over. So make peace with that.

They are your hubby's parents and he will want them to visit. You cannot stop that. Of course the timing of their visit can be made suitable so you dont have all the exam pressure.

I hope you get that point, since reading the thread - I just felt you'll be happier if they dont visit at all anytime, and you only meet them in India. Reality is they will visit US and they'll stay with DH and you sometime or the other.

Just like you love your parents, he'll love his parents.

 

kijo, dont get pregnant just cos MIL wants a grandkid to play with. You are absolutely right, giving birth isnt the end, you as a mother will have to take care of the baby, so you should be ready for it. Just to shut her up, tell her 'yes, we are trying to have a baby', but follow your own plans. I cant imagine how your MIL can speak about this to your H so openly. What will the poor guy say? I am happy for you that you have very clear and confident views. Stick to them. Communication with H is very important. Dont underestimate its value. If you and your H are on the same page, dealing with ILs becomes tension-free.

 

American girl question:

When a MIL says, in effect, "it's my son's house, so I can do whatever I want", why don't DIL's reply----"it's OUR house, I pay half the rent/mortgage, and it's MY kitchen, I'm the one who puts the food out".

Don't women get any respect for the work they do? And if not, then why don't they demand it? How much worse can it be?

I can't believe a doctor, someone who holds peoples lives in her hands doesn't have enough gumption to not be treated as a slave in her own home, especially when she's living in the US. I'm not specifically referring to the OP, I see lots and lots of women here with the same complaints.

Maybe I can see it if it would cause a marital split---but even so, that just means your dh agrees that you're not worthy of respect, so why be married to him? I couldn't live with a man who didn't respect me as an adult and an equal. Or is that too much to ask?

 

Kate, the thing is in India man and woman are still not treated as equals. The parents of a son hold an assumed right to exercise control over his son and DIL's life. This is the accepted norm. If the son or DIL challenge this norm, they are termed as bad people and nobody wants to carry the onus of being known as bad people.

People often employ tactics to avoid their in-laws in order to avoid conflicts, but almost no one has the gumption to put them in their place, to tell them clear and straight to mind their own business.

 

It's so hard to wrap my brain around that. Can women ever acheive equality if they never stand up for themselves?

No wonder women turn into MIL's from H3LL, they've spent their entire lives being treated as less than. They get a DIL and finally somebody has to obey them.

But I'm running this thread off track. My apologies to the OP.

 

Dear OP ,
Say that you will not be able to look after your PILs properly during your exams . You can call truce by saying that you are seriously thinking of a baby AFTER the exams are over God willing !
Your MIL will feel victorious and feel great that her highly educated doctor DIL is at last obeying her .
This will also please your DH who will think that you are giving honour and respect to his parents and will convince them to come later .
Many women resort to such tactics and become ideal DILs .
It doesnt pay to be honest sometimes .