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How to convice DH ?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by SoundVijay, Jan 22, 2010.

  1. SoundVijay

    SoundVijay Gold IL'ite

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    Hi folks,

    Please advice me as to how to convince my DH to accept to lead a nuclear family.

    Reasons;

    1. Mil interferes in all my stuff. Right from my personal work till kitchen.

    2. Fil shouts at me whenever his legs pain. He has a wound on his leg. His legs hurt often:eek:mg:
    3. Mil never allows me to do my personal work eg; going to parlour for trimming eyebrows. But i need to stand in a long queue for 4 and 1/2 hours for getting her a saree worth Rs. 40/-

    4. Not allowing me to cook for my DH.

    5. Not allowing us to talk outside the bedroom. Not allowing me to sit next to DH.

    Even i ignore her she keeps pestering me. Please advice me as to how should i convince my DH to lead a nuclear family. Atleast for sometime.

    Regards,

    Sound.
     
  2. Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    Nuclear Family ? First set things right between your hubby and you. How sure are you that a man who hardly speaks up for whatever silly things happening , is readily going to agree for a seperate house ? Think.

    1. Mil interferes in all my stuff. Right from my personal work till kitchen.

    When she is in the kitchen, DONT GO . Leaver her to herself. When she gets in, leave what you doing, switch off the gas and walk out. The minute she starts to get onto your nerves, simply NOD and walk out.

    2. Fil shouts at me whenever his legs pain. He has a wound on his leg. His legs hurt often

    Ask him why he shouts ? Do everyone in the house shout if they have leg pain ? BTW, why is the wound not treated ? Get a doctor and put something on that wound. Look at his eyes and TELL him , DONT SHOUT. If you want to, just dont use my name. Because by doing so, neither is your pain getting any lesser nor is the my headache. Or, simply put some plugs over ears after telling him, it makes no sense to shout your name when he is in pain. He rather call his wife.

    3. Mil never allows me to do my personal work eg; going to parlour for trimming eyebrows. But i need to stand in a long queue for 4 and 1/2 hours for getting her a saree worth Rs. 40/-

    Why do you even ask ? Why cant you just leave ? Is she going to threaten you if you did ? C'mon. Why dont you learn to say NO when you have to, and simply move on with life when you need to ? Dont ask, can I go to the parlour. Just say, I will be back and leave. If she stops you, say I have some work. Or simply say, I need to trim my brows and dont ait for any response.

    4. Not allowing me to cook for my DH.

    Dont cook when she is there. Dont tell me, she is inside the kitchen 24/7. Just cook some other time and keep it in the fridge. Or, cook when mommy dear desperately wants to spend time with son.

    5. Not allowing us to talk outside the bedroom. Not allowing me to sit next to DH.

    Ok.. Now this involves, HUBBY ! What is he doing when his mommy doesnt
    " allow " him and his wife to be together ? He says OK. Then it is not your MIL's problem. It is entirely his problem. You are an outsider who was bought to that house BY HIM. What did he plan to do with you once you got there ?
    Listen to mommy and say Ok, my wife and I wont be together ? He could hav always remained single then ..

    Did you talk to him about it.. ? What does he have to say about getting
    '' permission '' from his mommy to be with you ?

    If he is going to say adjust, you simply refuse and say, then you could have stayed single. What does marriage mean to him ?

    You say, you did enough of the so called adjustment and now want him to do so compromise as well. Just plan for some short vacation and get away. Is your MIL going to do a showdown when you people leave ? Ask your hubby to be prepared for it.

    Simply do not open the door or tell her, to wait. Tell your hubby to plan a surprise ( to his mom ) outing and you both just getaway.

    Listen, S.. You cannot simply want to run to a seperate roof. You stand there , fight and make sure people understand that they better respect you and then figure out wether you can handle to talk about a different home. It should be like you have tried everything possible to live under the same roof with taunts and now, you need space.

    You are also to be blamed for giving into lame stuff from your MIL and not being bold. Dont tell me, it is easy to say but difficult to do. You have to stand up and talk , else you will simply continue this way. Dont pity yourself, it is not going to help you at all.

    Take care
     
  3. SoundVijay

    SoundVijay Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Preethi,

    Thanks for your suggestions. It so happened yesterday that FIL started blaming at me for as i went out with my DH for just 3 and 1/2 hours. PILs really spoke too much. I just gave them a word or two. :thumbsup From today morning PIL thought twice or thrice to tell me anything. After me standing for myself she quitely allowed me to cook for my DH. This so happened that DH started appreciating my cooking in front of my MIL:biglaughShould see her face:biglaugh. Its a nice feeling you see.

    Regards,

    Sound
     
  4. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    Way to go girl ...
    Confident and strong women people scar people. keep going..
     
  5. Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    Happy for you. No one needs to give up on one's own self respect for anyone including spouse. It is that simple.

    A little nonsense can be ignored, too much nonsense needs to be handled ! :)
     

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