How to convey tactfully?

Hi,

As already mentioned several times in IL, I have great in laws and not much troubles in our married life. A little background about my PILs:

FIL, a very self oriented man, never stays at home except for food or sleep.

MIL, a working woman, emotionally dependent on us (her son and me).

Now, my concern is, every time DH and I plan to go out somewhere, MIL wants to accompany us, be it some nearby temple or some 1 day out of station trip. I can understand where she is coming from. FIL has never taken her anywhere, so she has not visited any place other than her native, so she is very eager to roam around with us. She is quiet young and active too.

I have my own set of preferences. I like her company when we go to places where DH and I have visited frequently. But when we plan to go to a new place, I prefer to go alone, just the two of us. Probably the next time, I may want to take MIL too.

DH understands this, and but I dont like the way he handles it. He lies to his mom every time we decide to go alone. This makes me mad. I want him to tell his mom upfront that he wants to go alone with his wife. The problem is, he makes me lie too to his mom. Not that, she would throw a tantrum if he said that, she will definitely understand, but he does not want her to feel bad. Dumb logic!

I hate this lying habit, just for the simple act of going out with my hubby. Please advise how to convey to her? Or should I just let go?

I know this may sound silly problem to many, and I dont wish to project it so, but I would like to know some views?

 

DG,

Thanks for the immediate reply!

Recently there was a friend's marriage to attend. Venue was at some place none of us have visited. I bypassed DH and mentioned to MIL, specifically that both of us are going to avoid any lies. She immediately wanted to join, saying she has never visited that place. I am not good at lies. I just kept quiet.

I just want to know if there is any other way of telling 'DH and I prefer to go out alone'?

 

To each his own! I hate lying, for whatever reason. I prefer being told the truth rather than being lied to. And in this process, my DH makes me lie too, which is against my principle. To quote what I have already said:

Is it fair to make me lie, for the simple act of going out with my hubby?

BTW, if this was a vice-versa condition, I would have told my mom upfront I'd want to spend some alone time with my DH. Neither will she feel bad.

 

Tagging along for a wedding is not bad as long as one knows the bride / groom. The groom was our mutual friend, yet she wanted to join, and the venue was a nice romantic spot. So later DH had to lie that some other friends were joining. If only DH musters enough courage to tell her once that some places he wishes to visit just with me, it will be far better.

Mentioning to her that it is a mini honeymoon break is a very good idea, thanks a lot yellowmango!