How to controll myself?

ashwini,

I think when new member enter into family, we need to be very careful about sharing some information on MIL’s. Typically most of the times what happens, that lady easily goes and tell to her new hubby and that hubby will pass things to mother.
I know you wanted to do things with good intention but within family things will not work that way. So you need to first understand the maturity of your co-sister. Even if you tell something doe she manage by herself with out passing to her husband?
So be quite and look the drama. Sometimes MIL's also learn their lessons with the elder DIL and they don't repeat same things to younger DIL or that women could easily handle these guys. Who knows what's going to happen. So just wait and watch.
One thing you need to be careful, if your MIL knows that you both are getting closer, she even creates something and make both of you fight. It's thumb rule of divide and conquer.

 

Ashwini,

Forget about whatever you already told your BIL's wife. In future make sure you dont share much about MIL with her. Who knows both of them might gel well in future and SIL might think you tried to poison her mind.

Your SIL is an adult and will be able to handle situations on her own. If she need any help she will ask your help.

Just my thoughts.

 

Ashwini,
What you have done is absolutely right!!! Your intension behind it is very good because without proper guidence, definitely she would endup in troubles. May be little brainwashing is required on MIL's behavior. So that she dont find shocked if something happens.

 

more or less i feel you shhould not have disclosed all these things to your co sis..you did that for her good which i understand but are you sure she wont reveal this to her dh or mil at later point of time..i always belived that people react to anything based on the situation,character ,other persons attitude etc..so the way she behaves with you may be different to way she could be with your co sis.so always i suggest no unasked suggestions to new people

 

Ashwini, its difficult to assess ladies & their expectations.
What you did cant be reversed however now you need to be cautious in dealing with her, cos she can use your words to create hell for you.

Finally she's going to bear the brunt & might get J of you (basic female character) that you're enjoying staying away from her... also during her frustration moments she might blurt out that even you felts same & said this n that.

Its like workplace.. we all know that we are having a bad manager but teammates never badmouth mgr in front of others, cos one may use this opportunity to step over you to rise in the eyes of mgr.

 

This is none of your business. This is between them. Why you are bothered about this?

So what if she has her own way with your fil and your bil and co-sister? How it affects you or your life? Do you want no one including your fil to listen to your mil?

Also just because you don't have good relationship with her what makes you think even new dil will also have bad relationship with her?

Yes, you should not have bad-mouthed your mil to your co-sister. Your co-sister is not a child. She is an adult. She can easily handle her problems herself. You can only advise or give suggestion if she asked you. Your mil may not behave with her the way she behaved with you. She may even be very nice and good to her especially because she is staying with younger son and your husband is away in US. When in-laws have to depend on one son as they are getting old, they may treat that son and his wife better than son & dil who are not in India. But now your co-sister may be scared and distrustful of your mil even if the lady is good to her because you have already given her a very negative impression of your mil. This was wrong on your part to do. You may have actually made things worse for your bil's wife.

One more thing is - in case your mil really treats your co-sister well and they get along then your co-sister will have very bad impression of you and think you were trying to poison her mind against a nice person (to her). She may tell your mil and bil about what you said. In the future please don't do such things. Your sister is different than your co-sister so treat her as such. In future, unless you are explicitly asked for your opinion or suggestion, please keep quiet and don't poke your nose into other people's affairs.

 

Your BIL's wife is an adult and I think she can handle her life and situations very well on her own. You should just concentrate on your life.

 

Ashwini, if a new employee joins a team and one team member comes and says all bad experiences of company and manager, even though its true, the employee would become negative, or brainwashed and not able to concentrate, a person joins with expectations

you had your exp with MIL , your intention were right, but you have corrupted her mind that she will feel everytime somethign small happened, that they are bad, and imagine this if one day in frustration she says, that you warned her and that this was coming and all , the entire blame will come over to you and your life will become more miserable, when your husband comes to know he will charge you for the problems

Unless she solicitied advice and even if she had , you could have been diplomatic with her, you were not diplomatic with your MIL nor with this SIL. I guess you need to do some introspection.