How to control my MIL who is very careless and unhygienic in handling my newborn

rams22 · Oct 6, 2013

Hi friends i delivered my baby girl on sept 28th she is my first child and i had a c section due to low amniotic fluid levels.....

Coming to my problem im facing very hard time controlling my MIL who is very unhygienic in nature i had faced alot of problems with her in past and now my daughter is also facing the same.....

she is handling my child very roughly and also she is very careless when she holds the baby she dosent give enough support to her and her legs will be dangling in air im very worried i didnt observe much but on the discharge day at my hospital my doctor observed my MIL and said to me personally that ur MIL is very rash and please do not let ur child suffer because of that and i was shocked to that and upon that im observing her and im feeling very disgusting about her because she has nails and has a lot of dirt in them she will not wash her hands, she sneezes and coughs in front of my daughter without covering and she uses her dirty and rough saree to wipe the mouth of my child.... the first day of her birth i couldnt give my milk to the baby and had to feed her lactogen my MIL stayed with me at the hospital that night and i thought she will be able to take care.... but upon observing i was shocked that she is not washing the feeding bottle or the spoon even once and using the same formula she mixed 3 hours back and uncoverd to feed the baby and she is not even boiling the water she just carelessly mixes the formula and making my daughter to drink that i am feeling very guilty that i made the first day of my daughter miserable......

My child already has a trace of jaundice to which doc told to take utmost care and always wash hands and legs before entering the child's room but my MIL never does that she always comes straight away from outside and holds my child without washing hands..... she talks to my child face to face with very close distance to her im worried that the bacteria in her mouth will affect the newborn i tried all ways to avoid giving my daughter to her even if i hold her closely she grabs her from my hands im scared to tell her face to face what she is doing because she will get hurt and complains to my hubby i even tried to tell my hubby indirectly but he is not giving any attention to what his mom is doing please tell me the ways to avoid my MIL holding my newborn for atleast 1st 3 months or else suggest me the ways to tell her to be careful in handling the baby..... im dreading to give the baby to her and the news of her coming to my mother's place is giving me goosebumps....this is causing me a lot of post partum depression......

radhikaamj · Oct 6, 2013

first congradulations. if can go to your mothers home or call your mother to take care of you and your baby. if thats not possible. you can employ servent to help you n you can handle your baby yourself.

try to figure out the possible way bec baby's health is very important.
All the best

Regards
Radhika

rams22 · Oct 6, 2013

Hi thanks for ur reply im presently staying at my mom's place and my MIL is also from same city she stays very near place which is half an hour away from my mom's place she always wants to come here and see what im doing...... she already has a 3 month old grand daughter and my co sister who delivered in july came to MIL's place she is already taking care of her 1st grandchild and obviously that girl is also suffering from severe rashes, cough and cold.....she has been admitted in hospital once all because of my unhygienic MIL..... i think my co sis also facing a lot of problems and thats why she is thinking of leaving to her mom's place next week and planning to return after baby is 6 months old.....now im able to stop MIL from coming here and telling her to leave me alone because my co sis is also suffering and her mom's place is in another city she dont have any one to look after her child and here i have my whole family to look after me so please look after the 1st grandchild and my co sis......now if my co sis leaves she will come to my place each and everyday that thought itself is giving me goosebumps now....

daffny · Oct 6, 2013

1. try bring your mother as soon as possible.
2. when you dont like something just tell once or twice casually without getting angry.
3. sometimes shout at her activity indirectly as if you shout at your husband.
4. in front of her ask the doctor whether its right or wrong to do like that...

soon she will understand and try to change atleast few.

radhikaamj · Oct 6, 2013

somebody never understand such indirect things.

better know her timing and make the baby sleep or pretend that the baby is sleepin or if you see her bring your baby and pretend that you are feeding her or you may prepare her bath and make the bathing cycle little longer like dressing etc. other wise lock the door n dont open while she ring the bell. if she asks say you all went out to meet doctor or to some temple or use all the possible way

parvathi1980 · Oct 6, 2013

Tell your husband about the doctor's instructions. Keep a hand sanitizer in your room and ask everyone to use it before holding the baby. Keep wipes and tissues handy.

Only your hubby can talk to his mom about this.

rams22 · Oct 6, 2013

thanks everybody for your replies i tried talking to my hubby indirectly about this but he is getting angry and not understanding i indirectly said that everybody dosen't wash hands in your house that is why your brother's daughter caught all infections and he shouts at me that everybody washes hands you are just telling all lies nothing is like that....

Ganthimathi · Oct 6, 2013

Congratulations for the new arrival.

As Parvathi said keep hand sanitizer and wipes handy.Tell everyone that it is your doctor's strict instruction.

What you are facing is a very common problem faced by many young/new mothers. As a pediatrician what I do is -
I ask the mother to bring her mother/MIL with them for consultations. Since some of the bad child rearing practices are common in this region I routinely address the young mother what to do and what what not. I make sure to tell her mother/MIL that it is their responsibility to make the young mother follow all the instructions. After one or two visits this really helped most of the mothers. I also give written instructions in vernacular language to take home and tell both parents and MIL shol read it.

Next time when you are taking your DD for pediatrician's consultation take your MIL with you. You may tell your pediatrician about the problem in advance and make sure the pediatrician address these issues.

Ganthimathi

anu1215 · Oct 7, 2013

Hi rams
congratulations dear on ur new born..
i faced the exact same situation when my kids were born.. i told my mil indirectly and directly.. faced the torture from her and my husband.. suffered all the unhygenic thing for 6months and she left to india.. imagine my angry and went into depression.. i have no suggestions for u..bcos i went thru tough phase of unhygenic things... hope other ilites help u

Thanaks
anu

Rihana · Oct 7, 2013

When she is handling your child, video record it. Say you want to record the baby, even though the purpose is to have proof of her unhygienic practices.

Sorry to read what you are going through. No new mom should have to feel like this:
i am feeling very guilty that i made the first day of my daughter miserable......