How To Be Safe When H Breaking The Lockdown Rules.

hino · Apr 13, 2020

1Sandhya said: ↑

Hello,
If you live in US then going out is not violating the lockdown rules. We are allowed to go for walks. And to pick up food and medicine. If he is going to a drive through for his coffee that is not a violation. You may not like it or be nervous about it but he is not endangering you.
I have 3 adults at home now and my observation is that if not used to staying home all the time they get restless and twitchy when home for extended period. My h goes for long drive sometimes just to get out. My sons take their friends calls walking in my yard for privacy, it’s okay. It’s how they are coping.
Now I didn’t understand exactly what you meant by dowry harassment so not going there. But... it’s a fact that market falling down like this is not good for any of us. Media is full of death count and keeping public anxious they might get it. But few people I know are saying ‘well we will observe the prescribed precautions and will come out of that’ ‘but after this is over then what?’ They worry that there is an even greater blow awaiting us once this pandemic ends because of market cratering and our savings evaporating. Even rupee value has gone down against dollar. This is a fact. Unforeseen but a fact. And as you know in US less or no financial security is a death knell.

So yeah what your husband is saying and doing is not that much out of character. A lot of people I know are worried about same things.

Hope this helps give you some perspective and reassurance.
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100 % true. Covid-19 issues will come out soon and economy falling down and loosing jobs will be seeing in next one quarter and its more trouble than current situation. some predictions, 2 out of 5 will loose jobs in US due to this ... India , china and some Asian countries can have lesser effer wrto economy due to this.

hino · Apr 13, 2020

1Sandhya said: ↑

Hello AmulB,

You are really stuck in a bad situation. No 2 ways about it. In fact daily news reports are coming out that DV calls and complaint have soared in this time of Corona. You only have to take the decision and all we are doing is suggesting from far...
With that said, I would say this time of corona is unprecedented, like no other. Na bhuto, na bhavishyati... all the old ways of interacting, all the old paradigms expectations, ways of behavior are now suspended.

You can think of it like a world war has been suddenly declared and you are trapped in a trench with another soldier, whom you dont like or get along with. Escape is impossible. You cant get out of the trench because enemy bullets will kill you. You cant retreat because your own govt will shoot you. Your only option is to continue in the trench with this other soldier. This is the situation. Your objective is to somehow survive and come out unscathed with your kids when the war is over. Survival and not getting enemy bullet is your objective.

Now think what to do in this situation. What should you do, must do? Automatically it will become clear to you. Dont pick fights. Dont escalate matters unnecessarily. Whatever it takes to keep the peace and continue for another day, just do it because your goal is not to win the argument but to SURVIVE this.

What, in your opinion, is the way to reduce the stressful quarrels? Do that. If totally ignoring him works, do it. If silent treatment works, then do that. If moving to different part of house and living there exclusively works then do that. I was talking to a relative recently who has toddler and lot of friction with her hubby. Lot of unnecessary pointless arguing about food, what to cook, what she cooked blah blah. Now She totally avoids him. He stays awake till late either working on calls or watching movies. He uses their guest room as temporary office and doesnt come out. She gets up, makes some food, feeds kid and plays etc. When she hears hubby is awake she takes baby for long walk or drive. They spend outside in yard or walking on road. Like this 1-2 hours. By the time he makes tea, eats the food, watches some tv and goes back to his office. Then she comes back. So she basically avoids him completely. Now he even texts her 'going back to office' when done. When she has to go buy food she texts him, knocks his door and leaves baby with him. No unnecessary talk. She says this is least stress time as no conversation. so no quarrel. He tried picking a fight about the food. She told him you go buy the item I will cook it. He messed around with Prime, Instacart, pickup, this that for few days, fumed and fretted then he shut up. Above is just an example but you understand my drift?
For you making sure baby is okay and doesnt fall is higher priority than any other work. If watching baby means you cook less often then cook less often. or whatever other work is impacted, let that go. Dont expect anything from him because he has made it clear he is not dependable. Make sure baby is okay because if something happens to baby, then you will never come out of the guilt. Just remember all this is for short time, till this time of Corona is over, then you can think about what to do about your situation after that.
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Apart from the danger (because of stepping out to get alcohol) , It can be controlled or ignore. Dont go near to him and dont send kids near to . Sleep in other room and lock as well. Finish house chores before he gets up and eat one meal and pack the food. Survive till lock down and take action later.. going out of the house is not safe. @ home, you are fighting with one enemy and once you step out dont know how many patients are going to stay next to you. The best thing is stay in friends place / hotel (if can afford for a month or so).

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How To Be Safe When H Breaking The Lockdown Rules.

hino Silver IL'ite

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