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How To Be Safe When H Breaking The Lockdown Rules.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by AmulB, Apr 5, 2020.

  1. AmulB

    AmulB Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks everyone for ur suggestions. He slept whole day yesterday due to hangover.
    he didn’t step out as he Challenged to bring coronavirus home to trouble us. But if he does that again. I will use the helpline.
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  2. Caughtinbetween

    Caughtinbetween Gold IL'ite

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    yes the same happened to me recently ..my kid dialed by mistake on a non emergency number , we disconnected immediately even before first full ring but they called back and still came home and checked around
     
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  3. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    This is perfect.
     
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  4. AmulB

    AmulB Silver IL'ite

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    @anika987 yes they did call me back and checked if everything is okay. I had to lie saying my kid misdialed. But she kept asking reconfirming if i was safe. But never came home.
     
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  5. shravs3

    shravs3 Finest Post Winner

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    @AmulB I can understand that its difficult for you to get a job in this situation. But start preparing for jobs whenever you get free time. Maybe once your kids are asleep you can dedicate that time for studying.
    Try maintaining distance with your husband and dont let the kids go near him.
    Keep seperate vessels for your husband and try disinfecting all the items he uses.

    At this point of time because of this pandemic,arguments and fights really wont help much. It may backfire you.But if its life threatening then don't hesitate to call the domestic abuse helpline as suggested by others.
     
    AmulB likes this.
  6. AmulB

    AmulB Silver IL'ite

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    Yes I was so so scared and so wanted him to be away when he stepped out and came and refused to wash hands or use wipes for drinks. Or even change clothes if he doesn’t want to shower. He was super drunk and not at senses. I got so mad I cannot express in words at the same time helpless. Sick person, he doesn’t need a family who is there for him. All he wants is damn liquor and his happiness and freedom. Such ppl r worst than enemies. He behaves insane when drunk.
    wish he did that to his folks then they would’ve set right him for this behavior for their safety. All selfish ppl... they don’t understand what I go through with this fellow. Worst parents that’s all I can think when they don’t correct his bad behaviors.
     
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  7. AmulB

    AmulB Silver IL'ite

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    Next day he behaved all normal and when I told to shower after waking up he just took shower and came. But slept next to my kid few hours that morning inspite of me warning and with same clothes on. If I say anything more he would get fired up. So tried to keep kids close to me and took them out of the room in the morning until he showered. He is much educated, gives all gyan about subject like latest technology, good diet etc.. and knows very well carona can live on clothes, steel, plastics for days. He’s very much aware and kept giving all ilthe info but never freaks out for anything. I guess he tried to scare me that night to make me restless and enjoy watching me paranoid.
    Nowadays it annoys me what ever gyan or stupid suggests he tries to give me or kids. So irritating to see his face also who doesn’t care for our wellbeing and threatens our life.
    And Yes It’s worst time for new job. But I will be prepared by the Time things settled.
     
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  8. AmulB

    AmulB Silver IL'ite

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    My mom suggested to mix soap water in bucket and drop on him when he comes back. Though I found it funny and won’t help 100%. If a person could’ve infected anyway that soap water won’t do much later.
    But in order for them to not repeat that I guess this is something u also can try to implement, that way.. with the scare of water splashing on clothes might freak them to stop going out.
    Also make him only clean the mess.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2020
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  9. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    your views are pretty confusing. if you are venting here. i am sorry to hear what you are going through. try to keep a distance from him and kids. avoid this soap bucket drop on a drunk person, he might end hitting you.

    but, if you are looking for a solution, sorry to say. things won't change. you should seperate , that complicates based on lot of things , most important VISA. if you want to stay in america. Otherwise if you are skilled, and he is ok to let you and kids move to india, move on.

    sorry it sounds rude, but all 4 pages , i see you venting. that won't solve anything.

    also callinig 911, depends upson the state you live. in nj, he can be arrested .

    please do not call child services, without reading much above it. it can mess you deeply. they might take the kids away for sometime if they feel this is a threat to the children

    you would have introspect your life ahead.
     
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  10. AmulB

    AmulB Silver IL'ite

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    @lavani yes I agree that kids would’ve been affected if cops came home. That’s the reason I disconnected immediately, though I called in anger and I realized immediately that it can lead to serious problem. And I didn’t want cops coming home at this Covid situation while they must be roaming everywhere too. This is like catch 22. I have to wait until corona passes to find a solution for it. I don’t have visa issues as I recently received perm res status,
    at the same time He won’t allow me to take kids with me either.
    In the past when I was preg w my second child my 1st kid was around 1yr old and we had a big fight regarding same issues of drinking abuse and he asked me to leave the house. So I packed my bags and took my kid and me being pregnant had no idea where to go. But in frustration I still stepped out and went to a hotel to get some clarity on what to do. He disconnected my phone service and called my frnd and warned if I don’t come home he would call cops. And later in few hours when he gave my phone connection back my frnd who was cont tryin to reach me. Told that I shall immediately go back home as he would put me in trouble. Long story short, he was sorry for his behavior and later things moved on.
    If I take kids anywhere Without his consent he did warn me he will go to any extent.
    I could be venting here but at the same time I hear from people perspective on how they would’ve taken this situation. I got help I wanted, the helpline numbers and I will warn if he chooses to go out I would call the helpline. And this is not the time to get separated and my kids r too small and I don’t have a job yet. Even if I get a job, and get separated things won’t be in my favor. I don’t want to end up in partial custody where kids keep moving from my place to his for few days. I have seen in many cases.. u cannot move out of the state once u file for divorce. And the small kids will get affected v badly.. at this small age they need love and attention. I tried to sort out problems w him. He behaves very well when not drunk. And obeys to everything to what ever I say regarding kids or home. But evening is the devil, the drinking time... that I’m unable to change. When I discuss w my friends they say I shall ignore his drinking and rest I shall manage as all others things he manages well.
    But in order to have a happy family and family to function properly these bad habits should be avoided.
    In fact I said he can limit or make it occasionally like twice a week. He’s unable to...
    so far this breaking rule happened once. I’m not taking it litely about one incident but I don’t want to make things more complicated at this Covid time. Im very angry for what he did to us threatening our life. Problem is he doesn’t realize. He justifies going out for once is not a big deal. I am unable to discuss further... and I don’t want to talk with him until this period is over.
     

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