How To Be Emotionally Strong? How To Improve Eq?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by wish4miracle, Jun 1, 2021.

  1. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    circum is a prefix we use to connote some manner of going-around, perhaps a work-around, a manner of avoidance of the direct and so forth.

    stance noun
    plural noun: stances
    1. the way in which someone stands, especially when deliberately adopted (as in cricket, golf, and other sports); a person's posture, opinions, actions.
      "she altered her stance, resting all her weight on one leg"
    Changing her stance and avoiding whatever that bothered her should have worked out for that lady you talk about. @wish4miracle can try the same things (many have advised so already). Avoid (go around) what bothers her, and take a new stance at everything in life.
     
  2. wish4miracle

    wish4miracle Silver IL'ite

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    Thank u for ur kind words lavani. As u said handling situation like this and drawing a line is very difficult when the other party is reluctant to respect the line. Like sir said, need consequences.

    Update: I am back from there for few reasons. She spilled out a word saying we are eating out there, like for free. She throws tantrums by not eating food if it is not in her favourites list. So we thought we can take a time off for a bit which is good for both.Now my sis who lives in next door, brings food two times. Now she is adjusting if the food is outside, now she is up and walking , not throwing tantrums, eats food whatever is given, no preferences. I made some batter and my father collected it as I live two blocks away. Over the phone to me, she declined it, saying she doesnt need food from me no more and passed a comment sarcastically asking me to eat food ( the one I always eat when I dont cook much) more. And also said she eats on time (pointing that I dont make food on time though I did bf and lunch by 9, dinner by 8 except homemade snacks which I do only 6.30 to 7 due to me handling my toddler waking from a nap)
    She is angry that I dint send anything other than batter. She doesnt understand the fact, I just moved to a house which I dint use for more than a month I had cleaning work and also got grocery delivered only through online yesterday after my weekend move.
    She doesnt show this attitude towards my sibling. Even though I have cooked 4 different meals a day somedays and min 2 meals a day reusing for rest of the day, she shames my effort.

    I totally understand she hates me because I dont think one can treat their own child this bad without hate. Being hated or not, I know that I did try helping my mom when she needed help.

    The moment I hear such hurtful words makes me too weak emotionally.

    Now took some time to overcome that and I started working on my study plans long term plans on job front and we are working it.
     
  3. lavani

    lavani Finest Post Winner

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    sometimes we keep repeating the thinking process about the person who hates us more than they think about us. :) . do keep re running that movie in your head, show is over.

    EASY to say, but hard to do. i am very good in overthinking. my DH pull me out of it with his crazy stuff with kids. Focus on day by day and move on.
     
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  4. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    @wish4miracle you are mistaken. This is not hate. This is about control. You yourself mentioned earlier they want upper hand in the relationship right?
    You allow her to push you a lot and constantly break your boundaries. Your sis doesn’t. She knows how to manage relationship and your mom knows exactly how far she can go with her. Your sis is living so close, next door but never moved in like you did right? She lives next door but not in same home as her. She knows how to maintain the boundary. She knows exactly how far to go.
    You really crave her love and acceptance. She knows this. She sees it as a weakness and manipulates it. The more she twists on that button, the more she complains and with holds love the more you are ready to do for her. It’s a win win situation for her. So she does it. In a way you are allowing her to, because you think if you do everything she will see how good you are and agree she was wrong like the last scene of movie. But that will never happen. Actually she uses your niceness for weakness. And uses it as permission to manipulate you even more.
    Next time watch carefully how your sis handles her. How sis cuts her short, waits for mom to actually ask before doing anything for her, does only that thing and not a bit more, does it with a ‘take it or leave it’ attitude etc. All this is not accidental. It is quite deliberate. Sis gets away with it because you’re always beside her eager to rush in eager to please.
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2021
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