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How To Avoid Inquisitive Indian Aquitance/neighbors

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Vedhavalli, Jun 19, 2017.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi ladies,
    This been going on my mind, how you all tackle the fellow Indian inquisitive friends/aquitance/neighbor.
    I'm encountering series of persons who are mere aquitance or neighbors who keep poking nose on our lives, day to day happenings like
    1. I didn't see your car on weekend, where you went. If the car isn't in the parking lot
    2. If the we don't go out, they say seems you guys don't go out at all. That saves lot of money.
    3. Pull information from our side regarding all possible informations, but they never tend to share anything, like shifting to new city etc.
    But they want all information from our side.
    I'm mannered,
    Never ask any personal question, be it job/ life related ones.
    I will stick to weather, politics, current affairs.
    They don't seem to understand we don't like such questions despite hints.. if I voice I'm the bad then.
    Why some people keep asking questions about us?

    I don't know to tackle smartly. I either voice or cut them off, I tried avoiding too.
    But they pop at home.
     
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  2. bhagya85

    bhagya85 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi op,
    I have come across situations like this.I just give one word answer or simply smile and move out of the topic. You don't have to be good to everyone all the time but it is necessary to make them realize that we are not ok in discussing certain personal things.
     
  3. Umanga

    Umanga Gold IL'ite

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    This is such a wonderful subject, my favourite subject in fact.

    I live in India so there is no way I can avoid Indian neighbours.

    I never had to deal with Indian neighbours in the West.

    It is very easy to ignore people in the West, just stop talking to them. Or say "please leave me alone" or "please mind your own business".

    I have barked such orders to Indians in the West and there was nothing they could do.

    You must realise, inquisitiveness needs to have social sanction and support. In the West, there is no sanction for inquisitiveness. You and your neighbours need to stop pretending you are still living in India.

    If you want to live in a community of Indians, then yes it is a problem because they shall get upset if you don't tell them everything.

    Stick to one or two Indians that you like and leave the rest alone. Establish individual relationships rather than communal ones.

    You shall have to let go of your Indianness a little bit if you want to enjoy the forbidden fruits the West has to offer.
     
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  4. Sunburst

    Sunburst Platinum IL'ite

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    Oh my! I miss such neighbours and their inquisitiveness, gossips, people wanting to know more ...it's so damn entertaining as long as we know how to handle it . I now have neighbours whose names I don't know but we are quite cordial and exchange a warm smile every time we meet .

    I would say be polite but stern with them and don't let them cross their boundaries . If you fan their flames once, they will overstep and get into your private space even more . Be very stern and avoid interacting too much when they ask questions . If they don't like your attitude they will stop talking to you which I guess would be a blessing for you right ?
     
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  5. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    I too have faced . dont worry simply smile and change the topic.
     
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  6. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Change the topic when people get too inquisitive . People love to talk about themselves, ask them questions about their lives . It's a strategy that has worked for me when I don't want to reveal too much about myself .
     
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  7. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Op , start with " oh ur cooking is good , how do u make that rasam, I put more pepper, but urs is different "or "have u seen Bahubali , its great , I saw its hindi version" so that things will be fine will be interesting too. @Sandycandy i too follow this strategy of asking about them , their interests etc.Good to see a like minded person sandcandy.we learn a lot from them especially cooking, house keeping
     
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  8. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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  9. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you, I still have lots of learning curves...
    Some are so mean, it hurts.
    If they want anything from me like cooker or non stick big pots. For birthday parties..But don't return them unless asked. I wait like 10-15 days. Then when I go to thier home and ask. They make faces, also they don't return it with 100% clean. Recently this happened. One instance one lady lost the lid, upon asking coolly saying, sorry it got lost. Every now and then...back bites
    I'm tired of these type of ladies politics. I was brought up in a straight forward and loving, respectful environment.
    1)If I buy a furniture or a speaker, forget it even small petty kitchen items. They scan and ask how much where you bought. Which I'm ok with, but next day itself they would buy.
    2) during Thanksgiving there was a birthday..the lady asked what you bought for Black Friday, I told whatever I bought.
    Seems next day they bought same. But they never anything like offers or such things.
    What kind of persons are they?
    3) there is a person who always checks my living room window. Fearing them I changed directions of my couch:weary:
    Just a vent. Ideas are welcome
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2017
    Suja9 likes this.
  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    While you learn the art of saying no to international travellers : ) and the art of deflecting nosy questions, try to remind yourself that it is also nice to have Indians in the community. You have Indian restaurants to choose from, Bollywood dance classes, Diwali gatherings, Indian grocery stores, maybe even Indian apparel and jewelry stores. Imagine living in a place where you are the only Indian family for miles around. Your child is the only brown skinned kid in school or at the park. Nearest Indian grocery store is 4 hours by car. You have to stock up on masalas and more in a second refrigerator in the garage or basement.
     
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