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How To Apologize Without Using Words

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by ChennaiExpress, Sep 8, 2018.

  1. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    CE, After reading this I feel ur problems are complex and u should take your mom and go for counselling , or just go alone .Professionals can advice better than us strangers who can't know the whole scenario . You need to get some Space and distance to figure out things . Don't let your dad make u guilty ; he has good intentions but keeping relationships good is both parties' responsibility not just the child's. Hope you can get all your answers.
     
    SinghManisha and ChennaiExpress like this.
  2. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    Your advice is still quite helpful, but I need lot of soul searching.

    When I got angry and screamed to my Mom why are you mean to me, why are you torturing me, I also said in next life God will make you infertile like me (I don't have husband, hence unable to have child ... still get monthly cycles)

    I was trying to convey that in last life I must have been bad, abusive, toxic Mother and see how Karma has paid me back.

    And I'm very scared of Karma, which is why I want to do things right from my side, no matter how rotten my Mom is.

    What if in next life I am motherless, or I get rotten Mother again.

    What if my Mom passes on and is reincarnated into being my child in my current life?


    I am trying to get out of this situation best I could, I am wondering if God is making it difficult on purpose!
     
  3. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    Well, the quietness from my Mom is giving me time and space.

    Aim really scared of my next life. I am thinking I must have been rotten Mom like her in previous life, hence my current sufferings.

    No matter what painting, cake flowers I give, Mom will never change ... but if and when I give these gifts, it should be from part of my heart that says

    We created our own Karma
    We cannot change others
    We can do best actions in hope for happier results
     
  4. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    @ChennaiExpress your mother is narcissistic mom, and we have discussed narcissism in this forum a few times, and i have always said mothers are not always angels.

    your mom hates you, fine, then there is no need for you to look up for her approvals, and validations @ChennaiExpress. sometimes it is ok to move away. and we have already discussed this too, and you are in your own vortex of i wii suffer, take care.of my parents as a penance for being given better things.. ok agreed, it is a spritiual angle that you have taken into your mind, going by all the other threads. you know you can get out of it, but you do not want to , you ask us a lot, we explain, motivate, encourage, but deep down, it is as if you believe you deserve all this as karma.


    @ChennaiExpress god helps those who help themselves too.. we give birth to a child, but we are not the master of the child, the child is not the puppet in our hands...you are a adult who knows better

    i wish you gift yourself a little more peace and happiness..
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2018
  5. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello,

    You have a good point. Yes, our Karmas caused our circumstances. I think it's better I don't seek out my Moms approval. It's been a week since I blew up and she is still very angry. When I placed that cake and painting in her room, she put it outside. When I told her Happy Birthday, she said right.

    Moving out is difficult for financial reasons (and of course, the emotional baggage, which I have to work out myself).

    Thank you for patiently trying to explain the things.
     
    Shanvy likes this.
  6. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    The first step is harder @ChennaiExpress ..
    Try going away for a small trip..say weekend.. weaning off has to happen. Social skills are learnt and necessity and survival are hard teachers. You may make a few mistakes but believe me you will manage..
     
  7. alady2018

    alady2018 Silver IL'ite

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    @ChennaiExpress @Shanvy is so right!

    I feel like you're being "crippled" by your own parents (not physically but in mind). Your parents may be helpless but they are not doing the right thing (once again) by allowing you to live your life. If this was India, I can imagine that it can be quite difficult to move out and live by yourself.

    I am so so sorry to say this - but fixing the relationship with your mother seems extremely difficult - without excellent professional help and with both parties badly wanting to work at it. Please let your mother be - you cannot ignore her and her negative vibes when you live under the same roof - but this is what you need to work at if you can't move out.

    Just the very fact that you are living with her and sharing in the household chores is far beyond what a daughter can be expected to do for a mother whose qualities you've described.

    Please, dear, cut yourself some slack. All you need to work on are your own life's goals (unrelated to parents): friends, career, fun, love, hobbies, health, etc.
     
    nakshatra1 likes this.

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