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How To Apologize Without Using Words

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by ChennaiExpress, Sep 8, 2018.

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  1. Sep 8, 2018 #11
    ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    Ok ........... I'm only concerned, what if she was expecting a gift in a few days (even though she is still angry), but I don't give it to her and she gets more angry.

    Or should I gift her a painting in few day, allow her to get angry and reject it. Then when she cools down, give new painting.

    Just thinking out loud .....
     
    ChennaiExpress, Sep 8, 2018
    ChennaiExpress, Sep 8, 2018
    #11
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  2. Sep 8, 2018 #12
    ChennaiExpress

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    Yes ...... now I'm doing whatever chores I can do while I am at home (unable to step out of the house)
     
    ChennaiExpress, Sep 8, 2018
    ChennaiExpress, Sep 8, 2018
    #12
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  3. Sep 8, 2018 #13
    GoneGirl

    GoneGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Hi CE,

    How about baking a cake or making her favorite sweet or snack on her birthday.
    Or a card with a message saying you would like to spend a nice evening out with her, maybe a movie and dinner, at home or outside.
    Or buy a family game from your childhood days and say you want to play with both your parents (carrom, cards and blokus come to mind).
    Or a simple card saying you would like to forget the past and start afresh.
    You could try one of the above ideas if you want to move on and forget the past. I know its hard, but sometimes carrying all that anger and negativity is lot more stressful and painful to you than others.
     
    GoneGirl, Sep 8, 2018
    GoneGirl, Sep 8, 2018
    #13
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  4. Sep 8, 2018 #14
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    CE ,no need to apologize if you already know the reaction you are going to get.

    Just be pleasant around the house.

    Get her flowers or cake .Your painting are too good and valuable to be rejected.
     
    yellowmango, Sep 8, 2018
    yellowmango, Sep 8, 2018
    #14
    ChennaiExpress, SinghManisha, nakshatra1 and 1 other person like this.
  5. Sep 8, 2018 #15
    Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Don't apologize.
    She is not a regular mom.
     
    Sunshine04, Sep 8, 2018
    Sunshine04, Sep 8, 2018
    #15
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  6. Sep 8, 2018 #16
    Shanvy

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    @ChennaiExpress you are an adult..i have already told you once, if it was my daughter i would tell her the same.

    You cannot bend backwards,to make someone else happy,even if they are your parents. It is not your responsibility to keep them in bliss..

    They are blessed to have a wonderful daughter and i am sure they know it..

    Your mom could be feeling guilty, for supporting your marriage..parents, sometimes do things that felt right at that point just like others, kya karein we never have a manual.. her whole seriousness and narcissism could be because of various reasons which maynot be be you. Just ignore..
    It must be hurting her to see the two people important in her life being cohorts and excluding her.. the mind plays a different game..and perceives differently..and more so with age, issues, fear and stress.

    Give her a hug..hug her,so what if she does not respond or does not like it.
    Just tell her that you love her, and care about her and your being for her too..

    I know it maynot be obvious to you, but anyone who has been following you will say daddy's pet..

    i can guage how it makes her feel excluded..sometimes all it takes is a hug, even through her resistance.

    Don't second guess her reactions and avoid..do what you can, you tried..the satisfaction that you tried is good enough for you to feel better..

    And girl, life happens, (as i tell my kids, especially my son who is always worried what if i die..) beyond the fear..don't get stuck, holding tight to your parents, for the fear of facing life alone..life is beautiful and marriage is just a part of it..

    And hugs and positive vibes your way..
     
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2018
    Shanvy, Sep 8, 2018
    Shanvy, Sep 8, 2018
    #16
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  7. Sep 9, 2018 #17
    ChennaiExpress

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    I would really like to do this.

    I need to be ready to actually move forward, instead of thinking, "God Blesses those who Help their Parents"

    Because after all the things my Mom has done, the acceptance has to come from within.
     
    ChennaiExpress, Sep 9, 2018
    ChennaiExpress, Sep 9, 2018
    #17
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  8. Sep 9, 2018 #18
    ChennaiExpress

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    This is very interesting. Allow me to clarify some things, and if possible, please advise.

    That is true

    My Dad knows it, my Mom hates me. She still supports my ex who was abusive, cheated, caused my miscarriage. And my Mom was very nasty to me when I was pregnant and taking lot of rest. I don't think even the worst worst MIL would do what she did (but then again, there is stuff we just can't make up)


    To this day she believes I threw out my ex (he shoved me, I called the police, this is USA), and that I aborted my child (I had miscarriage and that moment I screamed why didn't God do something bad to me instead)

    And you are right, there are many reasons for her narcissism, lot of terrible traumas in her childhood.


    Well, in nature, a woman would consider her husband and child two most important people in her life.

    She always resented when other people were nice to me, even as a child. She scolded me when I defended myself from bullies.

    Only my Dad stood up for me.

    And recently she was overheard telling friends why doesn't my Dad die, and that I am just stupid and silly.

    But again, "God blesses those who help their parents." How to reconcile this, I am figuring this out.


    Fact remains, God used her to make me be born in Human form.

    It is difficult for beings to obtain Human form.

    There are about 8.6 million species we reincarnate from before reaching this form.

    So for that reason, she deserves a hug.

    Just need to give hug when it is most comfortable time.

    And it needs to be heartfelt ...... which is difficult ........

    Well, he stood up for me, and I am yet to get social skills. Only starting baby steps. Something I should have done years ago.

    I will try to do this ..... I really want to


    That's a good point

    I totally relate to your kids who fear what if you die. My Dad says once he is gone I should go on with my life and not feel sad. I am yet to see how this is possible. People come and go in our lives .... it is harder to let go of those who been in our lives for so long ......


    Thank you so much!
     
    ChennaiExpress, Sep 9, 2018
    ChennaiExpress, Sep 9, 2018
    #18
  9. Sep 9, 2018 #19
    ChennaiExpress

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    Carrom ...... need to get a board ..... I remember that game!
     
    ChennaiExpress, Sep 9, 2018
    ChennaiExpress, Sep 9, 2018
    #19
  10. Sep 9, 2018 #20
    GoneGirl

    GoneGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Sorry CE,

    My suggestions were probably not appropriate in your scenario. Seems like there is a lot more history to this and a simple hug or card is not going to solve this decades long tension. I just hope you can find a way to move forward. Moving out somewhere closeby and finding your own place may be a good start.
    I cant imagine someone being so mean, that too to their own child!
    You need more people in your life, more friends to get you out of this.
     
    GoneGirl, Sep 9, 2018
    GoneGirl, Sep 9, 2018
    #20
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