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how should i react

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Mahajanpragati, May 25, 2010.

  1. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    hi,
    i am in strange situation.nearly a year back my friend shifted to their own house.i helped her to pack & sort out things.
    in this process she gave me lots of things which her kids have outgrown like old skates,three piece coat pent suit,old cars,educational games...........i have no problem with second hand stuff & thanked her for her gifts.

    then after few mths she called to say that she needs the three piece suit for her daughter .i gave her back.she did not return it & for my sons christmas party i bought him a new one as my friend never returned that one(i had originally planned to let him wear the one my friend gave)

    she gave a pair of skates which were worn out & my son refused to wear then.so i put then away & bought a new pair for my son.
    now,my friend called me yesterday to ask for that old pair for her daughter.i panicked as i was sure i had them thrownaway. still i asked her to give me time to find.after long search i finally found them & called to tell her that she can take them.in evening i learnt that they have got new pair as she was sure the old one will not fit her dd.

    now,my problem is that i felt really bad that she is asking back for the things which she herself gave.though sharing,lending,borrowing between friends is normal but it really irks me that if she herself has given me old stuff why should she ask for them back.now,if she is borrowning only ,then shouldn't she return them back..............
    i may add that she gave things without consulting her kids & her kids gave her bad time over this issue but in her words'i don't want to carry all this JUNK to my new house'.
    Ladies,am i overreacting.i have not said a word to my friend but i do feel very bad...............& even little insulted.pls,give advice.
    pragati
     
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  2. deepd

    deepd Gold IL'ite

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    Pragati,

    You are not overreacting dear. Its natural to feel insulted and bad. I think your friend did not ask her kids about the stuff she gave you. She could have asked them whether they need the stuff or not before giving it to you. And later on as you said her kids might have given her tough time so that she asked the stuff back from you.
    I ll advise you to be calm this time and in future dont accept any such stuff from your friend.Just try to be normal with her. and if she ask again for some other thing then you return all the stuff to her politely saying that she may need that too.
     
  3. ALPA

    ALPA Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi dear,
    i am so sorry but do not feel bad, take it this way she took her things back and you learnt a lesson never accept second hand stuff esp from friends and if they insist please learn to say no, why give your kids second hand stuff buy them new stuff.
    So dear do not feel bad, move on forget the episode if yo have more stuff of hers just return it saying that you do not need them.
    Sometime women are like that they easly do not want to part away with their things, so try to never borrow to borrow things from friends or take the stuff they give you, its my principle. like that you will maintain a good relationship and if she feels bad that you re taking her stuff tell her you don't need it.

    hope this helps
    love
    alpa:cheers
     
  4. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    dear deepa,
    well,this is a lesson well learnt.i am never going to take any stuff from her or anybody.
    the thing that irks me is the ownership people maintain even after giving the things themself.

    dear alpa,
    u are right i should learn to say NO.that is my problem i don't know how to say no as i feel i would hurt people by saying no & in this whole process end up getting hurt myself.

    thanks ladies for advice
    pragati
     
  5. MiaSen

    MiaSen Senior IL'ite

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    Pragati,
    Its very natural to be disappointed by ur friend's behaviour...
    I had always been ok with second hand stuffs, but DH never approves them off vn it comes to beds, our clothing and kids' clothing or acccessories - though they say its washed - U'll never know what all those stuffs carry with them - JMO - I didnt mean to hurt, am just letting u know my thoughts - hope u r not taking otherwise...
    Also another thing we do is tat, we pay a nominal amount vn we get those second hand stuffs (if they are in gud shape, else dnt accpet them - just tell them tat it does not suit ur kid or somthing unhurtful) - even if they insist its a gift, DH does make sure to pay them a nominal amount - which would also ensure tat they have no more rights over them.... they wouldnt even think about asking them back...
    Again, no offenses meant :)
     
  6. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Pragathi, Yes it is insulting when somebody behaves that way.You should have said"even I do not want to put any JUNK in my house" when she said the line above.

    Past is past .Forget it!I would say it is always better to avoid second-hand or used stuffs.Always buy things fresh or wait till you can afford to buy that.Next time when your friend calls up to ask for her things, just tell her that you have thrown away this this this..and you have only these things of hers with you which she can take at one go as you need more space in your house now to keep your stuffs.Finished.
     
  7. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    hi mia,
    even my dh was very angery about my taking the stuff.but i simply could not say no specially when she saw how keen my kids are about her kids toys(which child is not attracted to other kid's stuff )
    i did make even in kind like giving some books to her kids in Thanks.afterall we are friends .many a times her son borrows my ipod.but mind u its borrowing & he always returns it............thats what confused me.i did not ask for stuff.she gave but why maintain ownership after giving

    hi BH,
    well,i don't think i misunderstood her.she specifically mentioned that her 14 yrs old has out grown these dresses & skates so would my 5 year old take them.i mumbled something about giving to donations but she said i have already kept the things aside for donations & as these things are almost new she wants me to have them..............

    hi bhuvindi,
    thats what worried me.i had almost thrown away the skates.well as i said a lesson well learnt.
    never borrow or take stuff even if they are friends
    pragati
     

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