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How often do newly married couples with no past have sex?

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by Sharanya, Mar 15, 2014.

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  1. Jun 11, 2014 #101
    god2014

    god2014 Gold IL'ite

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    Hello friend,
    Frequency of sex depends mainly on how interested, how happy you both are in making love. Just both of you sit, talk as much as you can. Basically I think his past of worries and his prejudmental mind set that if kids are born they would suffer might be the strongest reason for poor sexual life. If you can show him that kids are the gift received for our happiness then he would take it. Instead of trying ways to make you attractive first talk to him. As you mentioned your pretty so extra effort needed to flatter your man. It's the problem in him so explain that, also tell that we both would share the expense and bring up the child in the best way . Also tell him that you want to live the fullest complete life, not a compromise on your sexual desire. As it involves both just don't look at the numbers as it's your satisfaction and happiness that you get and not number of times. So speak out, worries will vanish.
     
    god2014, Jun 11, 2014
    god2014, Jun 11, 2014
    #101
  2. Jun 11, 2014 #102
    Sharanya

    Sharanya Senior IL'ite

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    Is it possible to be compatible with a person?

    1) Who is on antidepressants(5 tablets daily), anti stress medication and various other types of prescription drug abuse, when most things are happy in his life only because he's obsessed with one place?

    2) Who is perpetually depressed, and prone to breaking down into tears and slapping himself violently on his cheeks for the slightest problem?

    3) Who has little sexual inclination, and did not want to get married for this reason for years, and even after marriage, does not want to live with his wife?

    4)Who routinely compares himself with those who are more successful than he is, but is neither as brilliant nor as hard working as those people, but wants their success?

    5) Who wants to go off somewhere else for two or more years although that is financially completely unnecessary, does not want to take his wife along although that is possible, wants to leave her as a condo caretaker for two years in an alien country against her will and choice?

    6) Who doesn't want children ever, but lied about this, and a lot of other important facts before marriage?

    7) Who constantly talks of suicide, and makes mock suicide attempts-like trying to jump off the 16th floor window, swallowing a fork, consuming all the multivitamins etc which others have to restrain and keeps telling his parents, wife etc that he wishes that the plane he's on would crash so that he could die?

    8) Who constantly threatens his wife with divorce, for any reason and no reason?

    I don't think your spouse is such a person, or you too would find it difficult to first be compatible with him and then gradually love him.
     
    Sharanya, Jun 11, 2014
    Sharanya, Jun 11, 2014
    #102
  3. Jun 11, 2014 #103
    Sharanya

    Sharanya Senior IL'ite

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    He doesn't listen to anyone, even his dad says that whatever his son asks for, however illogical or unreasonable has to be done.

    We can both share the expenses and bring up the child in the best way, and if he takes money from his dad to get himself a condo in SG, he can easily take money even a little, from his dad for a child.

    But he says he doesn't want one, and his mom supports him in whatever he wants.
     
    Sharanya, Jun 11, 2014
    Sharanya, Jun 11, 2014
    #103
  4. Jun 11, 2014 #104
    Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    That was exactly my point. Only you can answer the above. You need to ask yourself the above and get your answer. Because nobody here is in your situation, we can only give options. You have to make up your mind.

    No my spouse isn't like this. The reason I put it out there was not to compare your situation with mine but to say that if there are reasons to see common ground then you can work in this marriage. But then nobody here can find that for you. You need to take time and decide what's best for you.

    Take your time, make that decision and stick to it.

    Like I said earlier I do empathise with you. You are in a very difficult situation. There are no easy answers. Get some support from your family and make up your mind on your next steps.

    btw, I do think your spouse needs to be treated by a trained psychiatrist and it's going to take a loooong time if at all he can get over all his issues. Keep this in mind, whatever you decide b
     
    Laks09, Jun 11, 2014
    Laks09, Jun 11, 2014
    #104
    3 people like this.
  5. Jun 12, 2014 #105
    RedRuby

    RedRuby Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with Laks09, the real question is if you feel any sort of compatibility and it doesnt matter what anyone else feel about your husband, he is yours.
    If there is nothing to build on there will be hardly any satisfactory future waiting for you both.
     
    RedRuby, Jun 12, 2014
    RedRuby, Jun 12, 2014
    #105
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  6. Jun 12, 2014 #106
    kanthtx

    kanthtx Gold IL'ite

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    hi sharanya -
    looks like u realized wat the issues are with ur husband, and they are unchangeable...

    this is what it is...

    1. why haven't u divorced him yet? r u scared u will not survive if u divorce him?

    u said u don't love him - then what is it stopping u from doing so.
    do u need moral support - if yes, then u need to divorce him asap. this is an outsider who can clearly see that ur marriage is a fake, and advising u the best thing for u.

    2. u need to stop asking him, y he hasn't told u anything before marriage.. him and his parents lied to u blatantly and u fell for it...

    they have just used u to protect their life... they will keep on doing this in future at ur expense shamelessly.. so u need to get out of this poisonous relation as soon as u can...



     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2014
    kanthtx, Jun 12, 2014
    kanthtx, Jun 12, 2014
    #106
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