How Not To Give Another Person A Remote Control To Your Emotions And Reactions

@gamma50g,

#1 - A good understanding is needed about how our emotions affect our thoughts and associated concepts developed by our mind to understand the world. The world, after all is the projection of our mind restricted to how we perceive it.

#2 - We think we are this body whereas others think we are our mind. Who we actually are is neither. We are a divine being having a human experience based on our karma and the divine grace. Extreme emotions negatively impact our ability to understand who we really are.

#3 - When we express our emotions we assume we are attempting to change the behavior of someone else whereas we are exposing our vulnerability to others resulting in giving them the remote control to our emotions.

#4 - There is a general belief that by expressing emotions, our mind gets lighter but thoughts associated with such emotions are deep rooted and buried under the carpet. Our perceptions are created not by our senses but also by repeated review of the past experiences. Whenever we see similar situation or a person who looks like our previous bad experience, the mind will go back to that bad experience. Sharing emotions is like a temporary relief and not a permanent solution.

#5 - The external appearance of ours is transparent for anyone to perceive whereas our internal world is known only to us. More we discuss this, we are handing over internal world control to someone else. Our experiences created who we are and only by altering our way of thinking and our thoughts, we should change our internal world. More we open up our mind, we are allowing them to perceive our mind and judge us. If you notice, we project ourselves the best when we like to be in good books with someone.

Talking to our conscience and taking the advice from our conscience is the best option for our positive growth. It is intuitive and provides the wisdom from its repository of knowledge that is derived from the truth. Even a Guru can only take us near the Truth and it is up to us to achieve the wisdom to reach the ultimate Truth.

 

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Accompanying my son his friend K entered our home. Both were unemployed and K asked a question. “ uncle how much pension you get?”
My son was looking uncomfortable and some what taken aback.
“What you would do with knowing my amount of pension?” I reacted to K.
Son lifted his eye brows with a smile but K said, “ sorry uncle”
I stood killed his curiosity and made him think about what can be asked and not. Generally one question lead to answering another question. To avoid it is better the answer the question by counter questioning.
A habitual late comer was asked by boss, “why are u late?” He responded calmly, “ am I late Sir?” The boss acrimoniously answered, “ you are daily late”.
The late comer questioned the boss, “ am I daily late Sir?”
Decades Later i found HIM DEFLECTING share holder SENSITIVE QUESTION in AGM MEET IN A LA LARGE GATHERING WITH CHEER.

 

@gamma50g,

The emotional venting is only a temporary relief. This factor needs to be understood by all meaning giving back is not going to relieve us from the emotions but working on it on our own is! One of the essential qualities for forgiving others is our own self-confidence. Is it important to prove who we are to others or is it important to be a person of great character to our conscience?

If we feel we are good, why should someone's words about our behavior hurt? The top priority is self-confidence and it derives self-satisfaction and self-sacrifice. Every experience is happening for a reason and hence we need to learn from each experience whether they are good or bad. It is not what others say or do that hurts us and it is how we react to it. Reaction with anger creates self-doubt about our quality. We can use that opportunity to set boundaries. We can express our requirement for someone to comply with our boundaries. If they cross it, we can take another step to make them face a repurcusion. We are only incharge of building our own character and not others. The only exception is our own children and even to the children, we are only a guide and they have to build their own character. Forgiveness is often misunderstood as a benefit to someone who committed a wrong action. Actually, forgiveness is only for our own good to put our mind to rest and it need not even be conveyed outside.

If we read epics carefully, we notice that Sri Rama after so much of effort faced Ravana in the battlefield. When Ravana was stranded with no weapons and no one to support him, Sri Rama told him to go and come back again the next day. He had a chance to kill Ravana and Sri Rama didn't. Why? Because he didn't like his character to be flawed by killing a person with no weapons. When I say this people may ask why then Sri Rama killed Vali by hiding behind the tree? Because, Vali takes away half of the strength of the opponent even before entering into a battle which is unfair to the opponent. Besides, Vali committed the crime of snatching his own brother's (Sukriva's) wife. Eventually, Sri Rama killed Ravana also for the very same reason despite him being such a learned person but allowed his ego to take over all his good qualities.

Even in Mahabharatha, Yudishtra was patient with the Kauravas despite them committing multiple crime agains the Pandavas. Sri Rama and Yudishtra are good examples of righteousness and how they demonstrate their character repeatedly despite testing circumstances.