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How Much You Should Share To Siblings N Parents

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Vedhavalli, Oct 3, 2019.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Finest Post Winner

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    How to respond to parents & sibling when they hide huge information like buying car ,buying house, getting a job
    someone else in extended family shares the details.
    And parents despite knowing everything not telling their child, hiding info from other child.
    But passing every single information from me to sibling.
    Recently my kid joined a art class I casually conveyed to parents, my sibling asked me why I didn't tell her, going to art class in summer is not big information.
    I didn't think it's important info to share. Now they bought a Tesla (which requires 6 months of prior booking, even a kid knows)
    Sibling texted "bought tesla" not even mentioned the color or model. We said we are happy it's a environment friendly car, I fact I adore Tesla for its no emissions.
    But my parents didn't open their mouth to me, even after the car was bought.
    But going to a $70 art class or buying a households item or purse items under $100 if I'm not telling these, it becomes a big matter my mom says I'm hiding info to sibling. What's there to share a target bought purse, or a simple kid's class.
    I'm thinking to ask "why you're not telling about sibling's car or her husband's job change, when she pokes me to tell my kid's arts class "?
    What kind of examples am I setting to my child, it bothers me.
    Suggestions welcome.
     
  2. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    Your siblings are sick and toxic.Siblings should help each other, to get ahead in life. That's the whole point of community, networking. Here , they are sick.
     
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  3. abcd5

    abcd5 Silver IL'ite

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    I faced similar issues with my family and nowadays I don’t share any information related to finance, jobs, kids activities, etc. If they find out I always say I forgot to tell them but we all live in different countries so there is no way they are going to find out immediately.
     
  4. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Vedhavalli - Moms are supposed to be impartial listeners but they are rarely so. For whatever reason she is in agreement with your sister. Does your sister live in close proximity to you? Would the art class information have mattered to her much? If yes, then maybe inform if something comes up so her kids can possibly attend. If not, just don’t share it. Sometimes, I tell my mom things and then wonder when my MIL says your mom told me this, this and that. You never share with me. We need to realize that our mothers are human. We can’t change how they share information with others. All we can do is control the information we give to them. If mom brings up things like your interaction with your sibling, I think you should tell her that your sister and you will hash out your relationship. Both of you are adults. It isn’t right for mom to be the go between.

    Every group of sisters don’t share the same equation. Moms sometimes have ideal notions of how close their daughters should be. That’s sometimes not the reality. In reality only you and her can conclude how you evolve your relationship. So take this well meaning advice from your mom with a pinch of salt and you decide where you want to draw the line.

    These days, I’ve started telling my sister directly before she hears from Amma. I’ve realized that she does prefer that. I either text her or call her before giving out the info to mom. If I can’t, then I just don’t tell mom until I’ve been able to tell her. Now with moms BBC service I’m never able to beat her network capabilities. I’ve taken that as a character flaw and made peace with it!
     
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  5. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    My sisters and I have a great bond but I have no idea about their finances. I have a general idea but no details, neither we expect any details. Same with my parents, I ask them to make sure they are doing well, but I don't know details other than that.

    We have a family Whatsapp group where we share important news and fun stuff. Buying a car is a normal thing- right? I don't think I even mentioned it when I bought my new vehicle last year. But the first car was a big deal for me and I did send pictures of it. My siblings are in India and Australia while I am in the USA so there is no need for us to tell everything because the information is of no use to them.

    I guess it depends on the family dynamics. I might get upset with something that my sisters didn't tell me because they didn't think it was important and vice versa but we usually just say that I'd have liked to know.
     
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  6. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Finest Post Winner

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    While appreciate everyone's personal boundaries, they should also respect other's. My sibling ask every detail if I'm sending a pic from a outing or hike. But she never shares big purchases or anything.
    I bought a 2gm gold ring on a occasion I forgot to tell, sibling made a big issue out of it.
    If I'm buying a simple household thing if I'm not saying it, it's hiding. Same thing if they do they say it's personal, never go in detail. Didn't want to tell until everything is done.
    My mom says leave it if confront, but she doesn't tell to sibling if I do the same.
    It's not about financial situation, it's about hiding info. When they do it's OK, when I do I'm secretive.
     
  7. DKI

    DKI Platinum IL'ite

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    My sister and I are total opposites. We argue like sisters are supposed to. My mother even now sometimes tells us "shut up" if we are in the same room and arguing (which is very rare since half the time just like when we were kids we don't want her to know what is bothering us - or what we are gossiping about).

    At the same time, we share most of the important news with everybody. Any big thing in our family, my husband will immediately message his mother, my parents, and my sister. I don't even get a chance :) My sister and I talk maybe once a month, and catch up on all news. She is in India so she has more news to share than me. Sometimes I will call my parents after talking to her and get all the stories of what is happening with my parents. When either one starts telling me something I'll simply say "already know, sis told me". Only time I get upset with my parents is if I find out one of them was unwell through my sister. I would have talked to them, and they would never have said anything. But my sister would have known and I would not. Only time I was one up on her was when appa fell down a few weeks ago and I was able to pass on that message to her. And the only reason I knew was that I called about 15 minutes after the event.
     
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