How Much Should Husband Help In Housework/childcare?

Equal division of chores in indian marriages is very rare.
Have the babysitter help out with dishes in the morning if she is willing . Don’t cook a proper meal every evening. Cook every two to three days so dishes don’t pile up everyday. Make both your lives easier.

 

Try to have a fair division of chores . You may have less working hours doesn't necessarily mean your job is easier ; U will have better idea whose job is more stressful ( responsibility, intellectual work, competition , politics ) . But still doesn't mean u should compare. It is both of ur married life u will spoil it by comparing ; Its a partnership not a competition to dump chores on the other one. Your husband talking immaturely that u earn less so you should work more;U have given birth and nurtured the baby , so don't feel that ur contribution is any less. But why fight over all this and spoil the marriage ? Try to hire more help and reduce the work as @SinghManisha suggested.

 

OP,

If you have relatives over your house and suppose the kitchen work for that day increases, does your husband help out of his comfort zone? If you have to go out or travel long distance, how is ur H contribution?
Can you be a primary breadwinner if something happens to your H job? Give him some flexibility now if his work is stressful... but dont let that turn to be a habit.

 

It's your call, if you think it is a problem, then it is.

It has to come naturally, cannot force someone to do the household work.

 

I think , it really my personal opinion.
If a woman gets emotional support and moral support, household chores or job is not a problem.
We can do much more.

The disgusting thing is that people use abusive words..

 

True !

 

I agree with this. It's the basic indian mentality continuing from centuries! From childhood the sons are treated as kings and not even made to enter kitchen.
If at all, maybe they are taught to put their plates in the sink that's all. It's the fault of parents.
By default, women are multi talented and know multi tasking and can handle focussing on jobs, house, kids etc. They are wired that way.
But men are brought up such that they are made to focus on earning and providing money and hence they fail to understand they can and they should also be able to multi task like women.

Even nowdays within my family circle and even around me i see that once a boy is earning, the talks are always like "aww poor guy, he lived on hostel food and self cooking now living in pg while working. . .he should get married soon".
Or "aww mother is getting older she cant cook n tkcr of her family. She needs rest. So get the son married".

I get so irritated at this mentality. Arent women too living in hostels and away from family and home food? Don't women too want to get ready home cooked food after a long day at work? But nope... Indian thinking will always focus on '"man of the house" is tired....

Anyways, so my suggestion is don't force your husband if he is not willing to do dishes or contribute to household chores.

Better to pay a lil extra and ask the baby sitter who helps u to also help with dishes.
Also try to use less dishes and use more of paper plates or disposable plates and cups to reduce the washing.
Yes may increase your expenses a bit but will give you both mental peace and physical rest. Thats more important.


But tell your husband to spend time with kids. That should not be compromised.
What is the point of earning well amd saving for childrens education and other needs when you as a parent are not there to spend time with child and bond and create memories?

Also, bonding with child helps the child to feel more secure and loved and inturn add to the overal overal personality development of the child.

Spending time more than money on child is important for core family bonding.

Tell him that once you both are old and children settled in their own lives, you will regret for not having made memories with your children in their childhood.

 

Spending time with kids should not be a chore. He could take a break if he is too tired. But it is more important than doing dishes.
Cook more and freeze for days when you don't feel like cooking fresh meal. That way you can get a break for few evenings. Buy more ready-to-cook vegetables and your helper can do dishes on those days. Don't stress much about unfolded laundry or some chore undone when kids are so young. Things will be better as they grow up.

Are *you* feeling overwhelmed with the amount of work? To me it looks like you both have enough help and you could give yourself and your husband a break every now and then. Marriage is a partnership and if your husband is feeling overwhelmed you need to hold his hand just as you would expect him to support you when you feel overwhelmed.