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How Much Of Quality Time Do You Spend With Your Spouse?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by anika987, Feb 7, 2021.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hubby was always a practical guy..

    Newly married days...I thought he was not romantic but now looking back..miss all the care,love and affection he had on me.

    Not that he does not love or care anymore..but everything between us has become "take it for granted" :)

    It happens.

    However..it has become me time and his time..

    He is too busy in his work,eat at his own times,sleep late and with kid around distractions for us.
    Here and there we talk,laugh it out a bit but overall after these iphones and other technology came in..
    we have so many other distractions to keep us occupied.


    My friends say that men go out with their friends,ladies with their friends and so as a couple ,spending time together has become taken for granted.

    My mil says it is just a phase and after one grows old, couples usually reconnect.

    Be it love or arranged married..everything is the same after some years.

    What is your take on this? how much of quality time do you share with your spouse?
     
    Thyagarajan, SGBV, iyerviji and 2 others like this.
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  2. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    Being facebook friends, and share-ing and like-ing one another's posts counts as quality time?
    Arguing with each other on reddit ?
     
  3. KayKuyil

    KayKuyil Silver IL'ite

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    I think I never paused to think about this until now as I type this post.

    We have been together for 15 yrs(married for 10) and we just welcomed our little one last year. He is in a Mon-Wed/Thu travel job. That probably kept our interactions more active. We always said we lived a week worth of life within 3 days every week. You can imagine how much technology was a part of our relationship for the days apart.

    As we grow, I think there is a comfort in silence. Even sitting and watching a show is, IMO, togetherness. Thanks to covid, we both work from home. Two separate work zones and we meet in between calls for baby hand-offs but we still use technology. Cheesy texts and gifs keeps us going. I certainly don’t wait for romantic gestures from him. I can rock out gestures better than he ever can:rolleyes: and I am sure most of us womenfolk are the same.

    I think Taking each other for granted happens in most of the relationships after a while. And as OP mentioned, with kids and other responsibilities, we do tend to drift away into our own zones. But I agree with your MIL, people always reconnect. I see this with my parents. I have never seen my mom and dad sit around and chat so much before as they do once us kids went to our own homes. And that’s the future I hope and work for. The hope that one day we both will sit and chat again about anything other than diapers. :beer-toast1:
     
    anika987 and ashima10 like this.
  4. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Or adding a sarcastic comment on 'his" posts on Facebook...and vice versa !
     
    anika987 likes this.
  5. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    No quality time...its all due to the bloody in laws..they are sitting and settling here only and they dont let my husband talk to me for a minute.. if they see us talking they'll ask him what we are talking...he will sit with them talking and doing Seva for them till late night..they will discreetly or indirectly tell him something negative about me so that when he comes to sleep he will be fuming and make some irritating remark and criticize me...so these days I don't understand what quality time is..
     
    anika987 likes this.
  6. Penelope

    Penelope Bronze IL'ite

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    I often feel like this.
    I just also have a good husband but not great marriage. I find he is absorbed in phone a lot and like you said feels like we are disconnected.

    I recently read a marriagebook that has really helped me to shift my perspective and it will take some time but I can tell it is already changing things for the better. I didn't realize what I was doing to contribute to things going badly. And this book is all about helping us adjust how we take care of our self care and how we interact with our husbands to make them feel respected but also honor ourselves. I listed to it on audiobook while doing chores and ended up taking many notes on how I can improve. My husband told me today that I have been "glowing" for the past couple weeks. This is about when I started reading the book and using the advice. Anyway it's called " First Kill All the Marriage Counselors" by Laura Doyle. I hope that you give it a try and that it helps you.
     
  7. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hmm that’s tough..hope all gets well soon
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    That’s nice..it’s on Amazon..will check it out..

    In the meantime,can you type in one or two inputs of what the book says?thank you
     
  9. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    These are the same people who taunt their DIL’s for kids :grimacing:
     
  10. Mistt

    Mistt IL Hall of Fame

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    You are just criticizing your in laws and forgetting that your husband is an adult who should understand your feelings/desires too. Whatever they say, doesn't he aware of your attitude? I just blame these Shravan Kumars for ignoring commitments towards their wives.
     

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