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How much do you censor?

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by Nitha J, Dec 24, 2009.

  1. Nitha J

    Nitha J IL Hall of Fame

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    My SIL's son repeated whatever my SIL told about her IL's to them, which was not very pleasant talk. Well, you can imagine the mess.
    So just out of curiousity, I would like to know the kind of talks that you censor when your kid is around you. How careful are you because the chances of kids repeating it is high.
    -Nitha
     
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  2. charuchitthra

    charuchitthra Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Nitha,

    We dint ve any issue like that until she turned 3. I started noticing that she was repeating almost evrythng I said at that time. And few weeks later she was telling her dad how i scolded her and wat i told her to do when he was not around. It was reproduced in the exact phrases I used (though not with teh continuity or in full sentences. btu she cud tell in bits and pieces)in almost the perfect modulation I used. That got me bothered and I thought abt the possibility of she blabbering sumthng unintentionally and me landing in embarassing situations. From then on Am very cautious not to comment on or about anybody we know except in a good manner infront of my daughter. We are also carefull about not using certain words with her around. And we dont discuss teh things we r plannign to buy for her or for the house inf ront of her (not to craete an expectation). She now understands both Tamil and English(though not fully) . So we are now talking in Hindi if we want it to be jus between us. And with my very poor broken hindi u can imagine wat a scene it wud be. My hubby is banging his haed against the wall to make out head and tails from my hindi . He s telling that hell probably forget the language b4 i learn it. Tht aside now my daughter understand tht we r speaking in a different language at times and she tries to get our attention if we talk like taht by repaeting hai hai or trying to repat few syllables from our talk. so i jus think we are good wit hindi atlaest for sumtime from now.

    Regards,
    CC
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2009
  3. damini

    damini Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Nitha,
    We probably censor almost everything that is unpleasant about everyone.My DD is 7 yrs & can understand much more than I expect her.Sometimes people are nice to her but not to me, so I want her to take the world as she sees it & not from my view point.
    Damini.
     
  4. tikka

    tikka Gold IL'ite

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    DH sprained his back and swore, very softly under his breath that I could not hear it - or did not think much of it. We swear, but never in anger just when we are hurt. Till recently, we did not realise DS was following what we say - we have done this a million times in his presence, but because he was not a repeater, we did not bother. Whaddya know, he goes to his grandparents house, drops something on his feet and promptly says the "f" word. We have been "told off" by the powers that be to keep a check on our tongues ;-)
    We make it a point never to say anything un-nice about anybody in his presence. Actually, we talk very little about people and try to keep it as much as we can about what they did was considerate or not. They do need to form their own judgment of people, learn from experience and move on. So, I try my best to keep it about actions and less about people.
    When a "moron" hit me on the road to teach me a lesson (road rage) I was trying to file a police complaint in vain - you see I was not hurt - but I used the "m" word because I was very frustrated. DS has been repeating the word, but he has also learnt that the irate driver should have waited for pedestrians.
    We try not to correct him or make a big deal of his repeating swear words in the hope he will forget them and stop using them. Looks like it is going to be a long wait.
    Damini, we crossposted, but I have to say that is an excellent attitude, I am so in need of following that.
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2009
  5. Vishalini3

    Vishalini3 Silver IL'ite

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    Oh ya Nitha,
    Censoring is absolutely necessary... We both dont fight normally infront of her, coz when we are in the spur of the moment, we are never on control, in the usage of words and blaming somebody particular. Also,till her 2.5yrs, we talked in English, she didnt understand much. Now, after her schooling, she understands every word! Me and DH are want of a new language, to communicate so that she wont know. Off late, if we have difference of opinions, accidentally one of us have started, quickly the other person realises, we show some eye gestures to alert each other and change topic. Later, we discuss the same over emails :)) Nowadays lengthy emails are passed on between me and DH, all uncensored discussions, blame games, happen there :)))
    Before kid we should not talk bad about anybody, i feel. Between dad and mom, kid should know they are ONE. Even if we both are at home, if she comes to me for a permission, i ask her to check with DH too. Now she knows that we both need to agree on a thing. My DD spoke clearly by 1yr. From then MIL has this habit of asking certain things to the kid, "did amma wore the saree that i gave? I sent a sweet packet for you, did amma give that to you??? "all things that a child is not supposed to answer. Slowly i told her MIL that, this questioning pertaining to me,if asked to DD, kids are clever enough to understand that she is checking on me, and they wud conclude that we dont get along well. So if at all you want to ask anything related to DILs,please ask us directly. What if I tell something bad about you, infront of DD? She would never respect you all through her life... This made my MIL realise and she has stopped that. But I be careful all the time... Me and mom talk in Telugu, she hardly understands. hummmm Me and DH have realised that only after kids sleep, we wud get to talk our heart out. Otherwise its always a censored one:thumbsup
     
  6. Aadhusmom

    Aadhusmom Gold IL'ite

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    My MIL loves to do that; one day I shall have to do as you did and talk to her about it but I am so bad at that kind of straight talk where she is concerned :-(

    Anyway to Nitha's question - yes we do. I generally dont swear and DH rarely so DS hasnt learnt that yet. But he is always repeating stuff to people so early on we learnt to keep our comments about other people to times when he is not around. We can still get away with talking in English but that is getting harder. In desparate times I spell out words so he doesnt know what I am talking about!

    V.
     
  7. Vishalini3

    Vishalini3 Silver IL'ite

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    Oh yaa Vanathi, We do spell out :)) But alas, there was one day, when i told DH, "she asked c-h-o-c-o, i said you can have one, but later should brush your teeth", asked him to maintain the same. DD was in the other room, i thought she didnt listen. Next time, when DH used c-h-o-c-o, DD instantly banged him, say chocos appa, i know what you are telling:hide:
     
  8. Aadhusmom

    Aadhusmom Gold IL'ite

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    Pon - she is far too smart!

    V.
     
  9. sumanr

    sumanr Silver IL'ite

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    Hey Pon - That was a very good point on asking permission from both. I have seen cases in my niece/nephews where they go to the father if mom doesnt agree and vice-versa. And definitely swearing in front of them should be avoided
     
  10. Nitha J

    Nitha J IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks a lot for your opinions.
    With no gossiping; fights; financial discussions; there is not much to talk about.:) Add to it the censored TV programs and movies, seriously I don't see an exciting leisure time at all.
    Please tell me it is not as bad as it sound:)
    -Nitha
     

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