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How much did you spend on your InLaws when they visited you last time in US.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sslkgpaa, Jun 29, 2015.

  1. cutemonster

    cutemonster Platinum IL'ite

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    @nuss, hi girl.congratulations for the new baby!
     
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  2. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you @cutemonster
     
  3. anahita5

    anahita5 Gold IL'ite

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    'Keeping in mind that:
    Your children are not your children.
    They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
    They come through you but not from you,
    And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.'

    Wow.. wise words indeed. Thanks for sharing.
     
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  4. sslkgpaa

    sslkgpaa Gold IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    So the latest update is my ILs left yday! When they asked to reschedule the flights they gave reason that they are not feeling really well and missing their other kids. DH has an argument (first time in his life) with his parents and said he just expected a bit of help and also said that there is little emotion and hell lot of drama in this relation!! I was shocked to see DHs this avatar. Anyway I wanted to take advantage of this situation and blurt out too much against them as in how much pain we have got due to their "fun" trip in our tough times. Later got to know DH was not very happy about it. I never had a really healthy relationship with my MIL but somehow I managed to keep it clean.
    After all this we booked the nextday flight for them and while going my FIL said sorry to DH to which DH didnt reply. They hugged each other and left.
    Since all this happened I feel uneasy whenever I think about it. Girls please suggest me how to get peace. Not able to concentrate on kids and job.
     
  5. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    huh? I could not understand this part. You wanted to but kept quiet or you wanted to and so you did?
     
  6. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @sslkgpaa,

    As I suggested in my previous post, your husband did the right thing by having a frank conversation with his parents. You made a grave mistake by talking against your ILs especially when their son is arguing against them. Just timing is not good. You can always have private conversations with them on your own but never join your husband when their own son is having a verbal with his parents. When you have an argument with your parents, if your husband supports you and talks against your parents, would you like it? When you put yourself in his shoes, you will understand what he is going through. If I were you, I would make the first step to reconcile with the spouse. Forget the incident and you continue your normal relationship with your ILs as though nothing happened.

    Viswa
     
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  7. sslkgpaa

    sslkgpaa Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks Vishwa,

    All is good between me and my spouse, however I dont know how my relationship goes with ILs in future. Sometimes I think whatever happened was due for long time. I have seen my ILs playing emotional games with my hubby. He is the youngest in his house but all look up to him for help and DH has got just me for emotional support.
    All my FIL has been doing these two months was giving examples how other kids are supporting their parents in old age!
     
  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Totally agree .
    Op ,you should have stayed out. You 'ganged up 'with husband and gave them the sympathy advantage. Your husband will soon start feeling guilty and may blame you in his heart.
    You should find a calm moment and give him a hug and then tell him that you should not have joined him in the fight. Tell him you got carried away because of stress and wish you had not.

    OP ,they are related by blood and they will make up,you will become the villain, at least in in laws eyes. It is difficult to blame ones own child but very very easy to put all blame on dil. He got a hug when they left. You are the villain now.Cut your losses,at least with your husband.Make it better by talking to husband .

    And yes,act like everything is okay with in laws. Both of you call up and check when they reach or in transit ,like nothing serious happened.
     
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  9. SadMarried

    SadMarried Silver IL'ite

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    these are very true words from YM. Your In-laws will forget everything your DH said(parents normally never see anything wrong with their kids) but only remember what you said/did. Also your hubby might soon realize he did wrong and may even blame you talking against his parents. May be he is keeping quite as he feels guilty already specially as his father said sorry.

    have a nice chat with hubby and tell him you feel guilty for what you said. May be even say sorry to your in-laws when they reach back home. A little sorry goes long way not only for others but yourselves for your own peace of mind.
     
  10. sslkgpaa

    sslkgpaa Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks YellowMango,

    I agree with you completely. But I dont want to say sorry or try to coverup things. I feel they dont love their own son and take advantage of his soft nature.
    My MIL wants us to visit them for every festival just for one day. Infact she says that on face that come only for 1 day bring gifts for everyone in the family (doesnt mention for her also explicitly but if you dont take for her she would show you how she felt). Once I took nalli pattu saree for her. She gave that to her maid in front of me. Dont know why they behave like they have some mental disorder.
    All I want is my husband not to feel guilty for what happened. I can take all the blame and be the villain, no issues! If DH can put the blame on me probably he can get the peace? Or will that spoil my relation with him in long term?
    what else can I do to get DH some peace?
     

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