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How Marriage And Relationship Problem Has Made Me A Better Person

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Vaniquest, Jun 16, 2016.

  1. Vaniquest

    Vaniquest Silver IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    This post is based on my life experience to share that If you have the WILL you can do anything. Marriage is not a destination. Please don’t let it derail your aspirations.

    I am Vani. I am married for the past five years. Blessed with two lovely kids. I live in a joint family. MIL, FIL, BIL, co-sister..etc. I am facing many relationship problems ever since I got married. Well.. I guess there is no safe exit in Joint families..

    I resigned my well-paying IT job a year ago because of people who are in-secured of my financial independence. I want to share with you all how my life turned after I quit job. I felt this would be an interesting read to all married and working women.

    A year back I have to resign job due to nil support from my family. My husband and in-laws never supported my job. After marriage it was a great struggle to continue the career. [Well …I faced problems on every aspect of my relationship. However I have written here only about my career struggles after the marriage. ]

    I have two kids. I gave birth to my second baby on Oct 2014. I went on maternity leave the same month. Ever since that month I know I can’t continue my job. On April my husband had to move to onsite for his job. I became a single parent with two little kids.

    My in-laws went abroad to support their other son. So I am left alone with two little kids. My parents couldn’t pitch in and lend help as I live in a joint family with other brother in law. I don’t have the luxury to even keep maid full time and continue the career even though I was willing to give huge salary for the maid. Joint family was my biggest hindrance to do anything I wish.

    My Ex-company gave me lots of option to continue. They even gave me permanent work from home option till my son complete one year. Even then I couldn’t do much. My biggest problem was timings. I couldn’t work on the usual 9-6 timings. I got scared whenever I am asked to attend any meetings. My kids would make me mad. And there is no one to look after them. I couldn’t stay at my mom place as my daughter was studying close to inlaws place. So I need to stay at in-laws home with no one. Finally I took the tough decision..ie RESIGNATION. [Note: However, due to excessive stress created by my inlaws I finally moved out of my IL home and came back to my parents this January.]

    Many asked me to reconsider. But I am left with no choice. Three months before resignation I started to think what else can I do from home? I considered many work. I wanted to sell something from home. Even for that I need someone to take care of my kids so that I can go and purchase stuff. I dropped that idea considering my limitations. Finally I learnt from an article that we can earn some commission by running a website. I don’t know how much it was true. But I decided to give it a try.

    I educated myself on online website service. I started one with no clue. Before marriage I blogged, that gave a little exposure. It helped me to design a website. My IT programming skills helped me to understand the technical details. I launched my own website three months before I resigned as I knew well one day I have to make the tough call..ie resignation.

    I worked on nights to develop content for the website. Since I don’t have to stick to 9-6 timings, I found it easy to manage. Day time is completely dedicated for kids. I put them to sleep by 8:00 PM. Then I work till 12:00 P.M. I don’t have to depend on any one at my IL place to run my own site. Weekends I would go to my mom place. My mom would take care of the kids and I would work full time. All the time management skill that I acquired over years, working along with my daughter at home, helped me tremendously to achieve what I wanted in my site.

    My site slowly started to grow. Three months after the launch, my site started to earn money. I made 6K for the first time. Finally I found out that things are working. Then I resigned the job.

    My parents were very worried that I am letting go off my 80k/month job. They wondered why I need to stress so much for just 6K. I always tell them it is not about money. I can never imagine a life without work. I am working for the past ten years. I can’t stop it now. Just because no one supported me, I can’t end my career. I want to find a career where I don’t need others support. And I found one. It doesn’t matter how much I earn. My parents understood and supported me. My husband was okay to let me do this as long as I don’t expect anything from his family.

    After resignation I got freed from huge office stress. Then I concentrated on my site more. I developed one more site. I made lots of mistakes. After endless hours of work, the other site didn’t work. But I didn’t lose hope. I learned many things.

    After close to months, now my site has grown well. I have formed a routine where I can manage everything solely and still be able to dedicate 4 hours each day for my work. If kids make a fussy day, I call it a quit and continue next day. To be a boss of own work gave me immense freedom, flexibility and responsibility.

    I earn half of my IT salary each month now. I am happy to see the progress. This is just a new beginning and more is yet to come. Still my husband is in abroad. My in-laws don’t help and I don't want them to help. I take care of my two kids with lots of happiness. It brings me more joy than ever. I am their father and mother. After I moved out of my IL home, my parent helps me a lot. I feel less stressed out. I am not guilty like before. And above all, I still didn’t quit.

    I have many plans to develop this online business after my son reaches 3 years. I want to employ women and give them working from home option with flexible timings. I will do it in the coming years. I want to do it for the people who wanted me to quit and fail :)

    If you are facing situations like mine, don’t quit on anything that defines your identity. Living in a joint family and aspiring for a career is not easy. To all married ladies, my humble advice is to quit the job if needed but not the career. Find one that will suit your needs.

    Don’t lose your identity and live. I have faced this dilemma. So I wanted to share with you my entire story who are in the verge of quitting for the sake of family drama. There are plenty of options outside. There is always a way if there is a WILL :)

    Even now, I am struggling with plenty of family issues. But I seriously don’t care about it anymore. For me, whining and wallowing in family problems is making me lose my character, attitude and mind. I don’t want to go in detail about it here. I can write a whole book on the stupidity I had to undergo in the name of joint family and the politics behind it.

    While I have million reasons to complain, I want to focus all my energy on things that can make me a better person in other aspects of life. In spite of the tremendous stress I had to undergo because of my DH family, I owe them something. Without them I wouldn’t be following my passions now. I learnt from them on how to bounce back even if some can kick me down to rock bottom.

    You don't need anyone to live the life you dream of!! Just you and your dreams are enough!!!

    Regards,
    Vani
     
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  2. cliona

    cliona Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you
    Thank you Vani. Thanks for telling your story.
     
  3. shobhamma

    shobhamma Gold IL'ite

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    Kudos! You are one strong girl and an inspiration !
     
  4. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    @Vaniquest .....Wow congratulations on your success!

    You are an inspiration to so many women. Well done.

    Good luck for your online business.
     
  5. sangeethakripa

    sangeethakripa Gold IL'ite

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    @Vaniquest... You're inspiring. Thanks for sharing your experience. :clap2:
     
  6. PurpleSS

    PurpleSS New IL'ite

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    Vani you are super gal ... u inspired me.
     
  7. tcbhuvana

    tcbhuvana Gold IL'ite

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    Hi @Vaniquest u r such a strong n inspiring women.. very much happy to hear ur success story..
     
  8. NeetaR

    NeetaR Silver IL'ite

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    Wow...truly inspiring.
     
  9. Rampuri9

    Rampuri9 Silver IL'ite

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    congratulations vani ..and all the very best to you ..
     
  10. SadMarried

    SadMarried Silver IL'ite

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    What an inspiring story of such a brave girl, kudos for your bravery and determination. This proves how much is education and independence is important for a girl.
     

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