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How many of you are SILs who equally gift your brother and hiswife and children ?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mybaby1, Jan 17, 2012.

  1. mybaby1

    mybaby1 Gold IL'ite

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    Here in my inlaws i have seen this that allways the brother has to gift to his sisters they dont have to do anything for him or his family.Sisters are there just to receive things from parents and from brothers inspite of the fact that they have been broughtup on equal terms as my husband.they are well educated to be a docter and a gazzeted officer but then too they wont like to spend a penny of theirs and try to draw as much as they can from DH.

    And the MIL say.. "Girls are allways given"

    I am also a girl but i will be ashamed of my self and my selfrespect will never ever allow me to be allways looking to take things from people and never even thinking of giving them anything inspite of earning lakhs.

    What do you all think about this?
     
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  2. raji2678

    raji2678 Gold IL'ite

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    It depends on the family and culture. In my community, sisters have to gift certain things to thie bhabhi and brother's child. For example..there is a ritual called Nalungu in the wedding. The sister has to gift a saree and cosmetics to the bhabhi. When the child is born, some gold has to be gifted. Daughters have to spend for some of the rituals performed during the death of the parents. There are others, but I do not know them very well.
     
  3. mybaby1

    mybaby1 Gold IL'ite

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    Here in my inlaws they have all the rituals which say (or i would say my inlaws present it this way)that girls have to do nothing.Like when my child was born my inlaws or sil never gave me anything but my ils way that they have a ritual of giving buas(husbands sister) gold on child birth..I really wished to shout and ask as my FIL has 4 sisters how much gold did he gave to them on each of his child birth (3 children he has)..I really dont understand the one who took all the pain there is nothing for her but the one who did absolutely nothing you are giving them gold..ahh..
     
  4. AGR

    AGR Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi
    I feel that now a days more than custom or anything we give gifts only to show our love and affection. So obviously it needs to be two way and well reciprocated so that we dont feel that we are always on the giving end. Also the gifts can be based on each persons financial strength and liking but what is important is the attitude.

    So gifts can be given even if there is no such custom...All it requires is a little love, affection and caring....
     
  5. anugamit

    anugamit Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes, SIL only want, want, and want more...ILs insists DH to give gifts and money to SIL in the name of ritual or just to look good in front of her inlaws but never bothers to give anything to DH or his family...never even think to spend a penny to call once a month.

    My bro is not yet married but will definitely try to be a good SIL to my bhabhi.
     
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  6. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

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    Hi OP..
    Really a nice topic..
    I personally believe that exchange of gifts is an excellent mechanism to show that you care for each other.It acts as a manure to relations.It gives immense pleasure to a person when s/he feels wanted and remembered by someone and nothing beats this token of love.
    Whenever I go out for a trip,I make it a point to buy gifts for everyone for family members of both sides and also distant relatives and friends.It gives me happiness and satisfaction to see smiles on their faces when I give them gifts.
    My paternal side:
    My brother,his wife,my mom,sis everyone too has this habit.So its mutual for us.They bring gifts for me and I do that whenever I go and visit them.My brother's wife is very fond of me and wholeheartedly appreciates and values my gifts.My brother's children are also very fond of me and look forward for my visit.I also keep gifting them without any occasion.This has resulted in earning a lot of love and respect from my brother's wife to me.But they or I never demand anything from each other.Its totally voluntary.

    Now my In-laws..
    I follow the same practice this side too and take gifts whenever I visit anyone or they come to my place.While my co sis is happy with my gifts and also reciprocates,MIL and SIL neither appreciate nor reciprocate.SIL has not gifted me even a single thing till date.
    And apart from these voluntary gifts which I take for MIL,SIL and her kids-there are forced gifts always which they demand.My SIL keeps demanding luxury items which I highlighted in my previous posts,MIL too is always on a competition spree.She is a mouthpiece for SIL,so whenever she sees me wearing some new dress,some new jewellery or some new item at my house,she demands the same there and then for SIL.This kills the very spirit..
    My DH is the only person (and sometimes co sis) who actually pampers me by bringing gifts for me from in laws side..

    I dont really care about the customs and traditions behind giving gifts,but I really feel that its an excellent way to show your love and care.While feelings are most important in every relation but if we grease it with such tokens of love from time to time,it makes the relation long lasting and good..
     
  7. DST

    DST Bronze IL'ite

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    Good thread !!!

    What I feel is, Boy/girl are born to the same parents and they should be treated equally before AND after mariage. Till the marriage mostly things are fine. Once the girl in the family gets married, parents thinks they should SUPPORT their daughter in all ways - Financially, Physical help, spending lakhs and all type of gifts in the name of Custom and tradition.But when their son gets married, he has to spend for marriage,wife's saree,goldand even for the thaali/mangalsutra...Ok completely fine with this, since he has the responsibility in the family to share with....

    But once both are married, the parents think that only their daughter and their only family exists and not their sons..why this partiality...I have a Bossy SIL who is elder to my DH, knows how to make use of my ILs money and curse them back.....My ILs does almost 90% to my SIL and 10% to us which I hate to the core....They told me within 1.5 yrs of marriage that their daughter need to be taken care of by them and let their son somehow lives on his own...See, how they think????? I told them your daughter also married a MAN....My ILs are not comfortable to spend few hundreds on us..but they gift their daughter land,lavish functions spending in lakhs and my bossy SIL also demands money from them..No one will believe she spends my ILs money for her monthly expense and saves her/her DH money for their investment...They think WE LIVE IN US AND MAKE IN $$$$$$..Stupids.....We people living in US will know how we have to spend for house rent,kids and hard to manage with a single salary...thinking multiple times to spend few dollars....but they think we make good money...
    We got lots of gifts for her,DH and her Kid in our previous visits...I blamed myself when I spent hundreds of dollars to buy things for her new homw from kitchen things, table cloths and lot more....I was happy to spent
    that time, but her behaviors towards us made me guilty....She don't even call us on birthday's to wish and tell my ILs that we are not calling her...I hate to call and get her WISH....I have stopped calling her often after seeing her other side...

    I want to share an incident here to vent out my feeling...She always use my MILs' cell phone to call her DH who stays in another city for work,uses my ILs atm cards for her spending and when my husband asked her to charge his mobile a/c when he was travelling-onboard, she did. After few weeks when I was in her house, she asked me that I have to pay her 200 hundred rupees that she spent for charging my DH mobile...hmmm...

    In my view,Both son and daughter must be equally treated and they should take of their parents. My DH and I already decided that both my DD/DS should be treated equally in every aspect seeing my ILs. My ILs are good minus their partial treatment.

    Thanks for reading....I somehow wanted to vent out....
     
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  8. mybaby1

    mybaby1 Gold IL'ite

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    You know Ladies i am not at all against the rituals..offcourse we should follow our rituals but it is so that we do everything out of rituals?
    I am talking about other than these rituals.. It is not a ritual that whenever you visit them you have to get them expensive gifts for all of them,It is not a ritual that when your brother or his wife is there then you cannot spend.You can take things for your son but not for your brothers son but when your brother shops for his son he is supposed to take things for your son too..are these all rituals...I really see such shameless SILS these are..I will also blame their parents who dont tell them to behave in proper way.. and never asked their daughters to reciprocate in the similar way than just being happy to see how good their son is doing to their daughters and never ever bothered of looking at the other side of coin how bad their daughters have been doing to their son..
    Where is the love..there are things that we do out of love...A brother or parents have to gift girls to show their love and concern so if this is the way then girls dont love their brothers and parents because they dont gift to them
     
  9. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    There are cases when the brothers and sisters want to do equally or go overboard for each other or their families.... but then accompanied by an over whelming mother/father who teaches just at the moment... "its useless dont give them/her anything.. they have plenty... also its not right.. you shall start a new wrong trend.. it wasn't like this in our time" etc etc when they fail to realise that prior to globalization the salaries were pidly in their times... or most of the gals were not working and dependent financially if they were not having returns from capital incomes.

    One should have brain and heart that remains unbiased even at such learnings that their parents impart.
     
  10. aries1204

    aries1204 Silver IL'ite

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    I have been married for 4 years and I still buy gifts for my younger brother. He earns as much as I earn but still I am used to buying stuff for him which makes him very happy. Also he sends me gifts some times. I am not sure how our relationship about giving and taking gifts will be once he is married but I dont see my Mom playing any role in influencing our actions which is good and I hope she will be same after he is married.

    But on the other hand My PILs are always worried about giving stuff to their daughter and my husband has no say. He has to send them money and they have to spend it on thier daughter who also earns a lot. I am confused and appalled at how a daughter who is eduacted and earning can always accept and demand gifts and give nothing in return to parents or brother when she knows that her parents do not have any money and are dependant on their son.

    Most of the time I am happy to get a gift from my Mom because I know she has enough money and its her wish to give me and my brother gift. But tomorrow if she looses all her monay and has to depend on my brother then I do not think I can ever expect any gift from her but I know I need to take up my responsibility of providing for her basic needs as a daughter.
     
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