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How Many Of You Are Adjusting With In Laws For Sake Of Kid? Good Idea Or Not?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Needtobestrong, Jul 24, 2019.

  1. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    This kind of thinking and spreading it like a gospel is a cancer. This fosters mistrust and conflicts. Marriage is not about DIL and her parents. Of course DIL is at ease to communicate with her parents; because, she grew up with them. That does not mean one cannot develop a caring relation with in-laws (not with your recommended mindset). Your approach will only distance sons from their parents. Parents love their sons, no different than a girl's parents.
    Parents have no life and their lives revolve around their daughter? Just because they don't say doesn't mean they always want to do what they do. Isn't it wonderful that they don't want return favors so daughters can take it for granted. I have heard of plenty of parents feeling a dilemma between living their own lives and helping their daughter.
    Many times they sacrifice their own happiness. Maternal grand parents the only set of grand parents enjoy being with grand kids and enjoying them?
    If what you say is true they have one selfish daughter!
     
  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Why so triggered because someone offered a solution that turns the tables a bit?
    The solution is very similar to what it is right now except the caretaker is the daughter instead of the son .

    So what is the problem.
    Same way the son in law can also forge a relationship with his inlaws too.His in laws are humans too. Why not let them try and forge a relationship with his inlaws.

    So there is no issue in distancing girls from her parents?
    Since you accept that parents love daughters too...why no problems with daughters being distanced. It has been going on for centuries.
    Let us try something new that mght work better.
     
  3. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    I am not wise , may be practical because i observe and copy.

    my cousin sister, very intelligent but total lazy got divorced . why because she just wanted easy and expected her h to support the way, she is. finally
    my neighbor who is very har

    i am very sorry, i will disagree with both.

    none of this matter, if the couple themselves do not have a close bonding.

    rest of all these relationships are all symptoms of power struggle , which will all melt away if the couple is united and have the same goal as a family.
     
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  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Of course we all know marriage is about the son and his parents. Don't we all know it so well.
    But this forum would not exist if this was working well.

    If marriage is not about the dil and her parents...it is not about the son and his parents either.
    Marriage is between the man and woman and parents of both sides are extended family.


    So a guy's parents have no life and their lives can revolve around their son's life?

    Works for them so I guess it will work for the girl's parents too.

    So only the girls parents have to sacrifice their lives but a guys parents are meant to live with their son and they have no issues?

    Looks like there are lots of issues.

    How about letting the girl and the girl's parents have that option and take that chance.


    Till now paternal parents have had the grandchildren to themselves and the maternal grandparents get to have them for a little while if there are no issues made by the paternal ones.

    How is it that you don't find this son selfish ?

    How can you be so blind to the dil's side of the family?

    How is the present arrangement not selfish ?

    Don't worry...given a chance,the son in law and the grandchildren's brains will easily get rewired to eat the food made by his wife and wife's mother.
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2019
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Personally I have always maintained that all married couples should live in their own house . Everyone should be the king and queen of their homes.

    Physically and mentally able parents of both sides should stay in their homes and not interfere with the life of the young couples.

    If the young couple does need help during child birth and early childhood, the girl's parents helping out has a better chance of working out because the daughter and mother have a better understanding and less chances of long term harm to relationship.
     
  6. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    A new trend is great! Why even marry? with the advent of IVF, one can have children and be with their parents. Get rid of DH & in-laws; this would be a newer trend. Nothing wrong with that either.
     
  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Oh yes...because the guy and his parents becoming reasonable is out of the question?
    Your way or the highway?

    Who are we to tell people whether they should marry or not or how their marriage will be ?

    It is because of people who think like you that young women these days don't want to marry young....they want to wait as long as possible or not marry too.

    As for the suggestion ,why not.
    Guys like karan johar and others have shown the way.
    Guys are doing it. Making babies and bringing them up with their mothers....so why not women.
    Unlike men they don't even need surrogates.

    See what happens when people don't want to change....when people don't want to give up their entitled power.

    More power to youngsters to lead their own lives:beer-toast1: even if means breaking traditions .
     
  8. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Gold IL'ite

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    So here's what a wise young neighbour of mine has done. Yes its a joint family set-up. There is both MIL and FIL. She had twins. Initially both she and hubby were alone, both in great jobs. With the twins coming in she had her mum to help her around but then her mom had to leave back to Chennai as well. Her IL's are ok, MIL n her daughter who visits occasionally aint that great. From what she conveyed to me MIL and her daughter are a sucker for materialistic things. When the twins were born IL's wanted to be with their grankids. But MIL wanted space of her own. So this smart girl got her H to rent a 1bhk in the same complex but different building all the time supporting the comfort MIL was looking out for. Since the IL's wanted to b near the kids it was a win-win situation for her. She wanted her kids to b taken care off and instead of investing on a nanny or day care she was comfortable pooling out resources to help her IL's rent a space not far but not very close as well. She hired a cook who does all cooking at IL"s place itself. And they all eat together at night. So she resolved the cooking part as well. Kids are taken care off. Every Sat she ensures to take her MIL to a new place or fine dine, even encourages her hubby to spend time with them. Smart girl after packing her hubby n kids off spends a relaxing time and is all fresh to spend ample time with her hubby on Sunday. Now MIL has nutin to complain. Her daughter comes in she is all praise for her DIL. This girl keeps her SIL also happy gifting her tiny things often. Smart Management of IL's is the key. Manipulating and playing around with their weakness which would benefit u overall is how you need to plan. That would create the best win-win situation.
     
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  9. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    This is the very very good way to plan and live in this modern chaotic system.
     
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  10. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    This can be done wholeheartedly and sincerely for family/in-laws. With nanny, even after paying one worries about kids well being.
    Here your kids are taken care of and you don't have to stress out, spending on in-laws comfort can be afforded as both work.

    Why should it be manipulation?
    Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. When you do it with love, it is intrinsically rewarding.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2019
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