How many of you accepts acting is vital part for peaceful married life?

EnlightenedSoul · Nov 11, 2013

When we truly show our anger, frustration it only lets to further disaster in relationship.
When we speak out with heart, though it gives a satisfaction of being very true, it only makes our life, (and child's life)more miserable.
if we burst out of anger and speaks out of frustration, stress and depression, any have neither they are going to understand(at least in my case), or be justice. So, after all, why we have to show what we are feeling truly and make our life and child's life so miserable?
what is wrong in pretending lovely dovely and be peaceful within ourself?
how many of you accepts it? If yes, how will you achieve it without any guilty feeling?
because it's very difficult for me to not to show my anger or resentment feeling.

prettydevil · Nov 11, 2013

[h=2]How many of you accepts acting is vital part for peaceful married life?[/h]
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I don't know about married life ES.... but for sure acting is vital to maintain a peaceful mom-son relationship after marriage. My MIL scores aces in this and that is how she controls her son and the surrounding.

But my two cents.... I don't believe acting is needed in a married life. The couple should accept each other unconditionally and if they do so, then acting doesn't come into picture.

When one is angry, the other should understand and keep quite. If both are angry, then just fight, patch up and move on. Not going on ego trip is the key.

Making lovey dovey, might make the other person bring back into mood. But one's own self gets pushed down more and more to a point when we don't feel like patching up any more and loosing our own self respect.

orchidgb · Nov 11, 2013

hi esoul
what you write is 100% correct. we cant speak frankly and open that too with inlaws and their people. we have to pretend and control our emotions.
As shakeshere as said life is a stage and we have to act it. thats what came into my mind after reading your post.

EnlightenedSoul · Nov 11, 2013

prettydevil said: ↑

I don't know about married life ES.... but for sure acting is vital to maintain a peaceful mom-son relationship after marriage. My MIL scores aces in this and that is how she controls her son and the surrounding.

But my two cents.... I don't believe acting is needed in a married life. The couple should accept each other unconditionally and if they do so, then acting doesn't come into picture.

When one is angry, the other should understand and keep quite. If both are angry, then just fight, patch up and move on. Not going on ego trip is the key.

Making lovey dovey, might make the other person bring back into mood. But one's own self gets pushed down more and more to a point when we don't feel like patching up any more and loosing our own self respect.
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yes I accept, and even myself won't choose to act whole heartedly. If they have at least that much understanding, then it's ok.
But after years and years of painful tryings, and Only resentments remains, after the relationship itself starts to eat our own self respect and mind, and the relationship starts to die slowly, we are just pushed to that corner with no other go.

EnlightenedSoul · Nov 11, 2013

orchidgb said: ↑

hi esoul
what you write is 100% correct. we cant speak frankly and open that too with inlaws and their people. we have to pretend and control our emotions.
As shakeshere as said life is a stage and we have to act it. thats what came into my mind after reading your post.
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Mostly we will try to maintain polished relationship with PILs, and don't show our emotions(struggle comes only with our inability to act perfectly)
the main problem is only with spouse, who is the intimate relationship in our life.

prettydevil · Nov 11, 2013

EnlightenedSoul said: ↑

yes I accept, and even myself won't choose to act whole heartedly. If they have at least that much understanding, then it's ok.
But after years and years of painful tryings, and Only resentments remains, after the relationship itself starts to eat our own self respect and mind, and the relationship starts to die slowly, we are just pushed to that corner with no other go.
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I agree with you ES. But then wouldn't that relationship be just for name or keepsake.

If we can't share our real feelings with our spouse then the marriage is not complete.

But I do understand, sometimes taking these routes can make a lot of difference.

EnlightenedSoul · Nov 11, 2013

prettydevil said: ↑

I agree with you ES. But then wouldn't that relationship be just for name or keepsake.

If we can't share our real feelings with our spouse then the marriage is not complete.

But I do understand, sometimes taking these routes can make a lot of difference.
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Sharing our real feelings- won't it gets meaning only when it's respected by the person whom we share? Then what's the point of being real?
Can we sacrifice our whole life, our health to make spouse( who has numb feeling for wife) to love you, just to say 'our love is so divine'.

Ok, even if we choose to sacrifices our life, peace, health, etc, to prove our relationship is not just for namesake, the most affected person here, in this process with be the child and it's life. Practically speaking, we can't concentrate in his studies, his future, or even in making healthy foods for him when all external problems eating up your mind.
so at some point of life, when failed to invoke love in spouse, actually when it does not exist there, we are just pushed to pretend, to have peaceful home for the child.

ACTUALLY, ITS NOT FOR TRUE LOVERS. Misunderstandings and problems will be solved within themselves automatically when their is true love and feelings in their heart.

but what else can we do in other situations?

prettydevil · Nov 11, 2013

Sharing our real feelings- won't it gets meaning only when it's respected by the person whom we share? Then what's the point of being real?
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Exactly.... an understanding and respectful partner is a must for this.

Can we sacrifice our whole life, our health to make spouse( who has numb feeling for wife) to love you, just to say 'our love is so divine'.
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no.. we don't need to... but that doesn't mean we fake it.... just my two cents....

Ok, even if we choose to sacrifices our life, peace, health, etc, to prove our relationship is not just for namesake, the most affected person here, in this process with be the child and it's life. Practically speaking, we can't concentrate in his studies, his future, or even in making healthy foods for him when all external problems eating up your mind.
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well... I can say.. it depends on individuals...how much do we let it affect us and our minds.

so at some point of life, when failed to invoke love in spouse, actually when it does not exist there, we are just pushed to pretend, to have peaceful home for the child.
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yes... may be...

ACTUALLY, ITS NOT FOR TRUE LOVERS. Misunderstandings and problems will be solved within themselves automatically when their is true love and feelings in their heart.
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yes true love is indeed the key for a successful companionship ;-)

simpleMom · Nov 11, 2013

By acting, if you mean control of emotions depending on the situation, YES. If you mean , one spouse willfully manipulating the other spouse to get things done in his/her way, NO.

Twinkel · Nov 11, 2013

EnlightenedSoul said: ↑

When we truly show our anger, frustration it only lets to further disaster in relationship.

what is wrong in pretending lovely dovely and be peaceful within ourself?
how many of you accepts it? If yes, how will you achieve it without any guilty feeling?
because it's very difficult for me to not to show my anger or resentment feeling.
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ES, :hugs: seems you are going through a low phase...
But what I fail to understand is, when you PRETEND to be lovey doevy,how would you be peaceful from WITHIN? may be you will get a peaceful home, but peaceful soul isn't guaranteed...
I dont know what exactly your problem is, but yes, every one of us ACT. but that acting works out in short lapse relations, like when mil visits me, I ACT as if am happy with her stupid suggestions and meaningless orders. Thats because I know she is here only for few days and there is an end to it... but... with partner in life, how long can you act and to what extent....? acting is ok in petty issues like when hubby cooks something for you and you act you liked it, just so that you can see a smile on his face... REMEMBER, acting with partner is acceptable only when the happiness it flows is two ways... or else, if you deliberately suppress your anger and emotions, and start acting, it cant last longer and you will burst out one day, which may lead to even more disaster..
understand and analyze whats bothering you. Discuss with dh or if you feel that's useless, go for counselling or anger management classes. Control and take charge of mood swings. Dont ACT to be happy, but TRY to be happy truly..