How many of us actually LOVE our in-laws?

Meghaa may your relationship grow and become stronger through the years. Your mil is awesome and I hope one day my dil ( ds is only 18 yrs old right now) will feel something like this for me too.

 

I love my PIL but I think my husband loves my family more. My FIL is very jovial and fun-loving. My MIL is very sweet and caring. Its always touches my heart the extend she goes to make every festivals or holidays or birthdays special for everyone in the family. Even when my parents are not here for Christmas or other holiday, she will always have so many gifts for everyone in my family. My mom went to India before Christmas and her gifts are all wrapped and waiting in her room.


My MIL and I both love reading and every time I visit her or she visits me, she will buys many books keep aside for me.


Two weeks ago they were berry picking in their garden and she told my husband she picked so much berries and froze it so she can give it to me when I visit this month.

Once she gave us a jar of apple butter and I liked it very much. It was unlike anything I ever bought. I got to know it was made in their church every fall. Since she knew that I like it, she buys me enough jars to last the entire year till the next time it is made.

One time she forgot to call me on the day of my birthday (she send her card and gift though) so when she called her son (our birthdays are 7 days apart), she first asked to call me on line and she sang her birthday song to us together

I always found her very much like my mother- very caring and all she wants is her family to be together and happy.

I don't have it in me to love anyone like my parents but I do love my PIL and grand parents of my husband very much- especially grandmother and MIL.

 

My PIL divorced when my DH was just 10. I heard FIL couldn't take her constant nagging and materialistic attitude and left to be with another women. I never met or knew my FIL as he was not even invited to my wedding. MIL always talked bad about him and I too believed every word she said about him until her own brother told us how she treated him.

MIL worked very hard to raise her kids. She struggled a lot working double job to support the family. My DH was 14 when he started to work part time after school to ease her burden. He would let her have his salary and soon the other brothers followed him doing part time job. I think she struggled for about 5 years to support the family before the boys began to contribute. For 5 years of hard work she demanded their entire life to serve her!

Till date...she still speaks about her struggle and sacrifices and expect her kids to treat her like a queen. She is self centred and still materialistic. She wants the DIL too contribute to keep her happy .

I was raised to be very humble and my parents are very frugal. I don't remember my father having any debt or getting calls from bank for late payments. My MIL on the other hand loves to get her kids into debt to sustain her luxurious life. My DH was in so much debt as she constantly demanded money and expensive holidays. I remembered once when she put up a tantrum demanding a car. She cried like a kid and said all her neighbours have car and she doesn't have one. She pestered them so much till she got her much wanted car. She is almost 60 and wants a car while me her own DIL who is earning quite a decent salary couldn't even afford a junk car!

She loves jewelleries too and if she sees her friends or neighbours with new jewelleries....she must have them too!

My DH was sinking in debt when I found out. He owed so much money in credit cards and missed house and car payments. He put his family in trouble so he can make his mother happy!!!. We were on the verge on losing our properties and MIL knew about it. She didn't care and had the nerve to tell us to look for part time job to clear our debt!!

That's when I had enough of her! I gave hubby the ultimatum...no more money other than her monthly allowance and if she wanted to go for holidays....save her allowance!

I got into debt because of her . I'm tied to bank loan for 15 years for her. How can anyone love such a MIL?

 

I've been married for around 2.5 yrs too.. and i have the best fil in the whole wide world!

Tones down my feelings on the issues I have with my mil.. Makes it all tolerable..

 

I don't because I can't.
I cannot respect people who openly disrespect my parents and siblings.
While my FIL didn't say a word, he kept mum when my MIL insulted them. Even after marriage, my MIL's quarterly appraisal of my parents for a year irked me no end and ensured that I cannot love my PILs howmuchever I try.

However, I don't dislike them too much either. I am just trying to be 'compassionate from a distance'! I wish them both well, though. But the day, they accept their faults and mistakes and seek forgiveness, I might change my opinion and feelings for them could change too.

But, I certainly hate my uncle-in-law because he brought out the worst in my PILs. I shall never forgive him because he predicted someone's death who actually died.
So much about my in-laws!

 

Howmuchever we love,cherish etc....our ILS will be ILS only-NONE CAN'T REPLACE our parents-its very much apt atleast in 99% cases-the rest 1% are simply lucky-I am not biasing this,its based on pure experiences out of life.Having seen so many ILs from close quarters-it only boils down to BLOOD is BLOOD-& its true-the expectation from DIL is enormous-more than a primeminister of a country-yet what she receives is worse than a endowment fund-She must cook,be traditional etc,....But wat she will receive-not even a decent way to be treated-So for me Ils are Ils always & parents are parents,I have no illusions about that.

 

99% is a big generalization; in my experience of my immensely vast relations, I've mostly come across reasonably nice (not perfect, but nice/reasonable) in-laws than the bad/cruel/weird ones. For me, they would be 15-20% and the rest would be nice/normal. At the same time, I'm aware that such statistics would vary from person to person based on experience.

Of course, in-laws are in-laws and parents are parents. Who says they are/have to be interchangeable. But personally, I view it objectively from all angles, including theirs. I'm sure many in-laws out there think that daughters are daughters and DILs are DILs.

When my own parents are blunt to me about something they don't like, I don't feel as offended; I don't hold it against them and I don't go to town saying how bad/wrong they are. Because, of course, they're my parents. But if the exact same thing is told to me in the exact same way by my in-laws, I will feel offended, wronged, perhaps insulted and may be even tell some people close enough about it (called bad-mouthing). Because they're my in-laws and not my parents.

In the same way, if daughters are blunt/off-handed about something, parents don't feel as bad or offended as they would if DILs do/say the exact same thing. That's the nature of this relationship, that's how it is designed, that's how it is and will be. And I understand that so it saves a lot of grief.
Wrong and right are very subjective terms in these relations as there are always different versions of the same issues and everyone thinks their version is right; unless it is a clear-cut case of abusive, abnormal or dysfunctional family.

But generally, there are no perfect PILs just like there are no perfect DILs.

 

When I was getting married.....more than DH I was thinking about my PILs. Both my MIL and FIL are very intense ppl...as in for them its very extreme...love..care..affection. My MIL is the sweetest as they come (touchwood). She has had her share of difficulties with her MIL and makes sure she doesnt do the same with me. She is very practical lady..and I can openly go and say anything to her...if I like something..dislike something...any fight with dh. We share a great rapport.
My FIL was the nicest guy. He loved pampering me.....he was a foodie and he used to sit beside me in my initial days aftr wedding...and serve me with his hands and force me to eat. He passed away not even a yr after our wedding. Both my ILs are very childlike and get excited for very small things and its easy to make them happy. I used to bring new things home...take them to new plcs and used to love the excitement on their faces.
I miss my FIL......but I am grateful to god for giving this family to me. Everytime I feel sad..or disheartend by GOD.....i remind myself...I must have done something really good ...for which god gave me such awesome family before marriage and this awesome family after marriage.
Lots of love to my ILs

 

I too agree with you that no one can replace our parents. But then why even talk of replacing parents? Even that 1% you quoted does not stop loving their parents to love their PIL.

I know I cannot love my IL as my PIL and I am sure they are not expecting me to do that. Its the same with them, I am sure. Their son is their son and I am related to them because of their son. If there is loving relationship, it is a bonus. If not, ignore them and go on with your life. They are husband's parents and leave it at that.

It is woman's fault if she is trying to be a daughter or expecting the IL's be like her parents. I don't believe a woman needs to be anything but herself even after marriage. All this being a cook or traditional etc is added burden women inflict upon themselves. A wife is only answerable to her husband and husband to his wife. Anything extra a woman does to please others is on herself.

 

Do I love them? No. I respect them as elders, i appreciate some of the good in them. I may care about their well being to a certain extent - but they are nothing more than what a good friends parents are to me.
My PILs are better than most of the in-laws that I've heard about here. They are non interfering (but that is mostly due to my husband's nature of independant decisions), do not depend us for finance , have their own life etc. My MIL has some good qualities - she still lets me and my husband have our space , does not enter our bedroom even when we are not there, does not complain if she has to babysit the kids when we go outside for some personal errands etc.
Does not mean that they have been super nice. I definitely dont hate them - but I really cant say that I love them.