How many of us actually LOVE our in-laws?

Liked your post; I'm on the same page as you! You're right, a lot of women do find it strange or indigestible how a DIL & PILs can actually share a great bond with each other; they just can't relate to it, I guess. But it's nice to see so many ladies who mutually love & respect their in-laws. Heartwarming

 

I can just respect my MIL not love her or any other feeling for her ,that also just because she gave birth to my Husband nothing more nothing less. My Husband is the only good thing she has done in her entire life.
My FIL is the one who has taken care of my hubby and given love respect to me and my son.

 

Sorry I have not read the whole thread.. but how do we define the fine line of difference between love and respect ?

 

Hi all,
See loving your in-laws is not a simple thing and can't be the same way in all households. First of all there must be mutual respect and even if one side fails in this, it becomes obvious and bitter. The bride needs to have an open mind, respect, try to love and be open for small or major differences and changes in her life, her idea of what is a home, how a house is kept or managed.
Similarly the In Lawss though elder and wiser, must be ready to accept her with open arms and treat the newcomer with love and affection they re going to miss from their parents.
The new comer is there with In laws not because of necessity but our cultural compulsions. They re not a refugee for whom the in laws have extended shelter to. So welcome the other new daughter and try to make her comfortable in her new home! Giving in for both sides is a compulsory thing. Forgiving small mistakes is compulsory. Our loved ones staying with us 24/7 , our own kids we taught and brought up make so many mistakes ...so imagine a newcomer...! Of course there will be mistakes done...but our acceptance and forgiving nature must extend an extra hand here....
Like they say marriage is work , one must make it work, it doesn't take place on its own. Similarly good relations with in laws needs work.
Now I d say I love my father in law , unconditionally... He has replaced a missing father in my life...is very wise and fair. Doesn't mean I always agree with him in every issue. Agreeing with someone and not fighting with someone does not mean u love them. Loving someone is unconditional. I love him in spite of whatever differences between us.
Now my MIL respects me very much, treats me like her daughter ... She brags about the work I do,how m a pioneer in my industry,etc etc. I love her for all that. U see, it may sound funny... I love my MIL but I don't like her!
We both co exist and make each other as comfortable as possible. We re both working to "NOT have a bad relationship". I disagree with her on many things like the way the house is kept dirty etc etc but sometimes, closing ur eyes and taking ur mind off such trivial things helps in the long run!
So final verdict is that I love my in-laws as much as I love my parents....and disagree with all of them in many issues!!!! My in laws reciprocate my love equally!

 

Not so rare darmesh

 

Oh my!! An old thread..And it left me stupefied to see how my feelings have transformed in these two years for my MIL.

I wrote this a couple of years back for her in this thread.And the way she has unfolded herself in these years,I have lost the love and respect for her as a lady or as a mother or as a fellow human.Its only because she is the mother of the man I love the most in this entire world that some feelings are there..
She has hurt me so much.And SIL is in tow..Both of them are miserable and I feel sorry for them sometimes.They spoiled a relationship which could have turned out to be good.

 

I have my own share of cold war with my MIL. FIL is no more - he was a wonderful man!! Well, if he had fallen in love with my mil then she should be wonderful too. However, I have not much experienced her sweet side much, not the bitter side either.

When I entered this life, I had set my mind that she cannot be my mother and I cannot be her daughter. With how she behaves with others, anyone would vouch she is a gem and she is, really! I know and I understand it is the infinite love she has for my DH makes her follow me like a CID officer and makes her set some arbitrary tests for me to ascertain my real merits if I should fit her son.

And I do understand the all that she has got is her son and daughter. She has every right to be with him and with her. Problems arise when she steps into my comfort zone, passing irrelevant comments like "why dont you go to temple in a saree, remember you have to come back one day!!". The prob was I found it hard to make her understand it is chilling to go out in a saree when it is snowing!!

Some silly comments due to her insecurity, due to her ignorance, some due to her love for DH. Well, all these does not make her a monster. However, she not once has directly pointed out my mistakes, she has always been dilpomatic. She respects my parents which make me respect her so much!

Do I love her? I do not know. But I cannot say a straight NO. All these days, though we have had cold wars and stuff, she has always been supportive. We both strangely like each other. We did have clashes when we were together. But when she is not around, it is a little strange! I do not call it love though.

I salute the woman who brought my wonderful DH to this world, who brought him up the way he is, who taught him what to do and what not and finally who taught him how to love unconditionally!! I like her, but "love" would be too much a word to say!

 

No, I don't love my ILs, Since I had some major issues with my MIL since my marriage, I have come to terms with the reality that no matter what I do, she will be dissatisfied the moment even if one of her expectations were not fulfilled. I try to involve her as much as possible to maintain my own sanity however, I don't feel attached to her, when I do, then only on humanitarian grounds.
My SIL is around 8 years older to me and is staying in another city..she is usually non-interfering types but whenever she gets to know about my tiff with my MIL, she withdraws herself from me completely,...I guess that's natural for any daughter...10 years down the line, I don't know how will I answer this question again..

 

My PILs are nothing but lovable. That being said , I am a damaged soul ( Thank you,Mother) and I let very few people to be close to me. If someone does something negative to me , I cannot let go - I close the door shut on them - pretty much forever.
So I was very very cautious with in laws , still am. But my darling DH is the darling Son in law to not just my parents but he is loved by my extended family as well.
I hope I can start loving them some day soon

 

I try not to share my blessings in real life - because I feel like 'nazar'/'drishti' affects me. Esp when relatives are involved. But I feel I can share here :

Engagement ( first time I saw my MIL) - My blouse neck was a little tooo deep for our folks ( my family and DH's side) . My cousin overheard a relative(DH's side) commenting about the same to my MIL. MILs response - oh the tailors mess up all the time. What can we do. She hadnt even spoken to me yet! Just seen me a few minutes ago

First India trip : I wake up late , take a shower and go to the kitchen at 10 AM . All of them are done with Breakfast. She is cooking lunch now. I walk in , she serves me break fast with a smile (at me?? ) . I eat , feel guilty and ask how I can help. She smiles and says " go watch TV .. oh but you dont care about TV much , do you ?" ( She is concerned that I am bored since DH went out with FIL )

Second India trip : Me working from India ( well , checking emails atleast). walking around with Laptop in hand. I decide I want to eat an apple and tell her 'let's eat apples' and start to go towards them. She picks one up and washes it and gives it to me.

Shopping for Bro's wedding : Both PILs spend one whole day in the hot summer sun going from shop to shop looking for jewellery for me ( I had something very particular in mind) and stlll not pissed when I decide I dont buy anything end of the day. MIL nudges hubby to ask me to buy the WAY over the budget piece that I liked.

After Bro's wedding : I had to quickly change into something else for the next event while also packing up to leave the Mantap. She stands next to me, helps me undress/dress , picks up and packs the clothes and jewellery I changed out of , while her sister stands there and watches me fondly

As I type this, I cant help but say I love MIL and both her sisters. they have always treated me like my aunts do. ( I wont say my mother - because that's an ENTIRE daily serial on its own)

My MIL does not have daughters. She misses one. But I dont think all Mom's who miss a daughter treat their DIL like one.

Also, my MIL was controlled by her MIL for atleast a good 30 years.