How many of MIL stayed in joint family...

sheel · Dec 14, 2011

hi..suddenly a thought came in my mind..Whenever i see around...there are very few people who stay in joint family..

Let me start with mine.

My MIL always wants us to stay with them..and so do my husband..Currently we are far due to job..but my husband keeps on trying after every 6 months so that we would stay together(though i dont want to stay due to diff issues)..Now my MIL has never stayed herself in joint family or with her in-laws..and neither she has any interaction or good terms with them..she just has hi-bye relation..but is very close to her sisters..

so problem comes because she herself has never adjusted in her life so cant now also..and its indeed me who has to do..

I feel if MIL never stayed with in-laws why should i?

I hope many of MIL's would have never stayed with their in-laws..

bhavatarini · Dec 14, 2011

My mil never did .. but expects me to live with her.. my in-laws take care of A-Z in the house everything is under their possession.. but that was not the case when they were married ... they lived happily with each other and their kids...
Those days people used to have many sons and parents would live with everyone for a while in a round robin fashion.. but these days they have only one son so they would like the son and dil to live with them .. they are kind of insecure becasue of the same reason ..so try to possess and dominate so that nothing goes out of control ..whatever is the case , the younger generation is expected to adjust !

sweetestshweta · Dec 14, 2011

My MIL wants that she and my SIL(who is a widow with 2 kids) should stay with us.DH and I are in a different city because of our jobs and they want to shift with us.Only my denial has stopped them till now else they would do it in a minute..
On their part,MIL doesnt keep her MIL with herself nor she stays or ever stayed in a joint family.Although she always says she did a lot for her inlaws(which God knows how she did!!)..SIL has severed all ties from her inlaws and is totally dependent on us and wants me to only keep in touch with them and not visit my parents..
What a hypocrisy!!
I am sure many of you would be having such gems in your families too!!

sheel · Dec 15, 2011

@shweta:

You are very true...My in-laws lived happily independent..they themselves say they could save more..Its not about saving but its about adjustment..She has adopted her style for her family..Now she wants me to adopt that..She herself is following her parents culture and style..She is so dominant..that if she does not put tomato is a dish..she doesnt want me also to put..she wants me to cook exact her style..I feel everybody has their own style..and I want my family to adopt mine.where as my SIL is staying away from her in-laws though her husband is single son only..When my MIL gives example of others that husband comes in wives confidence..and leave their parents..I wish to say..see your daugther first..

Madhumidha · Dec 15, 2011

Same in case of my MIL also.
She never stayed with her MIL, she got share from all the properties that my FIL parents had and started living in separate familt when my DH was so small.
Even now, she wont talk with her MIL's family.
But now she wants me to adjust and adopt so many things happened in that family.
She alone wants her all sons to be united forever.
Many MIL's dont think that they are also a DIL for a family

swaran · Dec 15, 2011

Hi...
I stay with my ILs,its going to be 5 years now...there are really nice people...my BIL will be getting married ina year or two so after that they might keep shuttling....

My MIL couldnt stay with her ILs as they died before she got married...she was the youngest DIL in the family but she is the most liked person in my FIL's family for the way she behaves and treats everyone...my FIL has 8 siblings...6 sisters and 2 bros,all elders....imagine a life with 6 SIL...oh my god...though she dint stay under the same roof,it would be like every alternate days,a bunch of people would visit the house and she ll always be busy making things for them..they all stayed in different houses but very very close by,in a particular area...to make a special mention,the same had never happened(i mean the visits by relatives and the care) for the other 2 DILS(co-sis of my MIL) because of their behaviour....so this is something nice about my MIL.....all of the SILs and co-sis would always peep in to know wht my MIL was doing and has caused a lot of hurt....i am happy that alteast now she is staying away in a different city with us...

but then why i came to this thread??!!...i really wanted to mention something about my elder MIL(my MIL's co-sis)...she is one ,i really cant say how her DIL(my cousin co-sis) is managing to stay with her....

my elder MIL stayed with her MIL for close to 1.5 years(according to her)...in that time her MIL caused so much hurt it seems(i have not got any comments about that granny till now in the family)...she says that 1.5 years was more than enough for her whole life....

she ll keep saying this to her DIL so that she knows how much her MIL had suffered(really dont know if its her own story just to show her DIL that she is better than that MIL(granny))..my elder MIL feels its better that her MIL dint stay for a long time...but she usually gives tons and tons of bhashan/advices that "a DIL must adjust and treat her ILs as her own...should stay with her ILs only"....

but the most funny part is,this elder MIL got her daughter married to her SIL's son...(within the family) but you know what she has told her daughter "you just have to live with your ILs for sometime ...after that they ll die....dont worry"(wow hats off for this thinking) and after few days of marriage that daughter has asked "what ma,you said they ll die in sometime but that dint happen"..haahahhaa....also MIL's daughter at present is not staying with her ILs...she would have stayed for a max 2 years with her ILs....infact those people are sick(MIL is in very bad condition) but this DIL pays a visit (only a visit) once in 15-30 days(they stay just 3-4 streets away)....and this lady(my elder MIL) is taking no action to make her daughter stay with her ILs...what a mom?!!!!

According to her and many MILs....
All DILs should/must stay with her ILs no matter how bad they are,they must treat them well because they(ILs) are god's own products....(some crap:rant)
All daughters need not stay(its not compulsary) with her ILs even if they raise their voice once against their DIL...i mean even if they cause no harm,its not necessary for the girl to keep her ILs as they daughter want privacy and those ILs could cause harm to her in the future too and most important point,she has not got married to work like a nurse/cook/maid....

what a policy what a policyrotfl

SUBHAARCHIE · Dec 15, 2011

Hello everybody....

My MIL's was a love marriage...so he had not stayed with my FIL's parents not even a single day....till now...She is not even in talking terms to her MIL...she is very old now...even she has a lot of grudges on her...When i asked that me and my Dh should get blessings from Grand Mil ...she is not ready to accept...and kept a long face...so even my husband refused to get blessings....Also added to it...my Mil's MIL was not even invited to our marriage...i felt really bad...When i asked my husband about it..he told me that if his grandmother is coming to the wedding then his mother will not attend it seems...i am clueless.......
Added to all this...even my FIL is not in talking terms with his own mother....nor to his entire family... :hide:
But she always keeps me insisting to me in a big joint family...which i am already in....
Cannot change her...the whole family says that her decision is final in everything....she is having a lot of temper...which she says DIL should not at all get angry..even if she is beaten... :drowning

sheel · Dec 15, 2011

@swaran: It nice to read about your MIL.

blessed · Dec 15, 2011

I was with my MIL till her death but believe me she didn't even go to her MIL even on her death bed.... so bad was their relationship.
My FIL had 6 siblings and he was the eldest, in laws moved to city immediately after their marriage and from then on she had no good relationship with her in laws, but I heard stories from her as if she was tortured by her MIL, that poor lady hardly stayed with my MIL, even her short visits to their house would end up with huge fights and my MIL would end up literally chasing her MIL away ( all this was told by my DH's aunts when we visited them) not only her PIL's she didn't have any good connection with her SIL's or BIL's though my FIL's family was huge one hardly any one attended our wedding may be his brother or one or two sisters... she made even my FIL to cut all ties with his family.

Finally after nearly 6 years after my marriage, my FIL was informed that his 90 year old mom was in her death bed and as an eldest son he was needed their and also his old mom wanted to see him, there was not even a pinch of sadness in her, she didn't go to see her MIL even in her last stage, even her children don't know their paternal grandma or uncles/aunts.. this was how she maintained her relationship with her inlaws but when coming to her she preaches how a DIL should behave when she herself gave third degree treatment to her husbands side family.

RJMK · Dec 15, 2011

My MIl has never stayed in a joint family except for the brginning few years as from what I know.
But coming to her sons she wants both her sons and DILS to stay with her together.But I have many doubts.As of now we stay in a driiferent city to my job.
Given a chance my MIL would have not stayed with any of her sons.But since my FIL never built a house or has any property,she is totally dependent on her son and stays with us shuttling to both the cities.

I have heard her saying this that she is totally dependent on us but inside she never likes this setup.She once even asked her sons if they could build a house for her in her native.She is desperate to go back but now I dont think this will happen..So now she is stuck with her sons much to her dismay and for ever cursing my FIL.