Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by AditiShining, Sep 8, 2021.
Yes, I avoided the massage thing. But not many other things. Finally, I learnt my lesson now, should establish boundaries from beginning. No use trying to "win their heart".
Yes, she told clearly, in the first week of marriage. She had many such expectations, like handing over salary, dowry .But due to my husband's support , I avoided these things. In some other things, husband couldn't support so they just treated me like door mat.
My husband was trying to transfer to his parents' hometown in the first year of marriage and we were supposed to live in joint family. But inlaws harassed a lot so we have not transferred till now, nor in near future.
Yes, you have understood my MIL well in a few sentences. My husband's grandparents suffered a lot in their last stages. They were better off living alone.My FIL got them at their end stage and neglected them severely in terms of food and medical care.
Sorry to have digressed from OP's post.
That's too much. If you don't mind me asking, are you from North India?
OP....So glad you have a nice mil and you both get along so well.Good mils deserve good dils.
As for the ' leg massaging' ....do whatever you want to do in the privacy of your home.
Don't talk about it to others because it puts unnecessary social pressure on other dils to do the same...from their families.
I am sure word gets around your family and neighborhood too.Not all families have same understanding mils .I am sure you do not want to be the source of misery for dils in an already patriarchal society.
A lot of women have worked very hard to get the ' leg massaging' off their daily dil chores.There are still many who have to do everything at home and then massage mil's feet when their own bodies are hurting in pain.
You and your husband could also do your fair share of the work at home so that mil does not have to do so much work that she needs her legs massaged at the end if the day.
Also...get your husband to massage his mom's legs and earn some blessings too.
Actually bigger vessels take more effort to wash...especialy vessels used to cook rice, milk and curd vessels, tea vessels etc. smaller cups, bowl, spoons etc are easy to wash. Even when I was unwell, the dishes would just pile up in sink and I would have been so grateful if my MIL or FIL had washed a few and reduced my burden but no, they will comfortably sit and make comments on me.
No my MIL has never asked me to massage her feet...I frankly wouldn't mind doing this help if she was good to me..but too much negativity is there in our relationship that these days I want to do bare minimum only.
My friend also said if her MIL knows I do that, she will slap me. Hahaha.
I appreciate your advice but my MIL is conservative when it comes to men doing chores. She doesn't let her son do that.
I massage MIL's legs by applying oil on them so I roll up her saree up to knees to give a proper leg massage. Husband won't be comfortable to massage her mother's legs like this
Hilarious !! Good one !
Your post is like sighting an oasis in a vast desert.touchwood. God Vinayak today tomorrow & day after and the days to come would cherish your act and continue to Bless amity around your home.
I am very happy that your action is psychological BEST. Any benevolent act done with pure love would come back double or even triple and more if not immediately but later. Good deeds done voluntarily will yield rich dividends.
Luckily you are guided by lovely friends and sisters like FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE.
IT IS TIME THAT YOU BEGIN RE-EVALUATE your FRIENDS and distance yourself from toxic ones.
Can someone enlighten me why all MILs need leg massage? If she has discomfort, there is a reason for it, may be some underlying health issue. Why can't she consult a doctor. Taking vitamins, especially potassium, or using compression socks, or using sandals(especially over tiled floors), heating pads, raising legs while sleeping,etc or combinations of the above can help. I guess everyone know that.
So OP, find the root cause and help her. Its OK to massage if she is suffering. Good that you are helping her. She can also try it by herself using oils or ointments. But its not a good idea to create expectations and spoil her. Let it remain as an option, not a routine.