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How Many Dils Massage Their Mil's Legs?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by AditiShining, Sep 8, 2021.

  1. AditiShining

    AditiShining Senior IL'ite

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    Okay, so my MIL came to stay with me and and my husband recently. We had moved to a different city for our work. I didn't get to spend much time with my MIL until now. Now my work is part time so I can give more time to my home. MIL helps me in chores. She does most of cooking and sometimes washes utensils too. She is nice to me, not extremely sweet but nice. She started complaining about her aching legs. I went to her on one afternoon and said, "mummy ji, aapke pair daba deti hun" (I will massage your legs) She was so pleasantly surprised to hear that from me. I then massaged her legs for 15-20 minutes with oil. From that day I started massaging her legs every alternate afternoon.

    When I told my friend about it, she was furious, she said I'm spoiling my MIL's habit and no DIL would do that nowadays. But I don't see any harm in doing it. My MIL stays in a great mood because of that and I can reduce frequency of massage when I will work full time.

    So ladies, what do you think? Do you massage your MIL's legs?
     
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  2. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    No harm doing it and you are having good intention.

    However..by doing it everyday,you are setting uneccessary expectations.

    Tomorrow,you start to work full time and she gets leg ache,immediately her mind will expect your massage automatically.When her needs are not met,it could lead to frustration and snide remarks.

    Your Mil might be amazing and we don’t know her.If you still feel it is fine,go ahead.

    Any relationship no matter how sweet they are will be good with some boundaries.


    Do one thing.As a trial,next two days give some reason and do not do it.See how she reacts and then decide.
     
  3. AppuMom

    AppuMom Gold IL'ite

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    Wont you do the same if your mom needs a leg massage ? You are nice and kind to your mil and most probably she also will be the same to you.Spending 5-10 mins for her everyday will actually bring harmony in your home.Do not over think.I had seen great DIL-MIL combos in my family where I had seen out of world love and care towards each other.My mom and dad's mom was one such pair :)
     
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  4. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Would depend on both of you..if she is a really nice person and good with you there is nothing wrong...and if you don’t mind massaging her feet everyday. If it helps her to be supportive and helpful with daily chores it’s an advantage a small you’re a working woman..
    She cooks and washes utensils..nice..
    In my case, When we don’t have a maid, especially during lockdown days, i only have to wash utensils and do all cleaning work.
    If my MIL cooks even one meal she will complain of pain in all her body parts ..even if a big pile of utensils are lying in sink especially when there’s is festival or some special dish made..still I only have to wash. And hear taunts from my MIL as to how I’m too lazy to cook etc. even when I was working I’ve received taunts for not giving more time for domestic responsibilities at home.
    Your MIL seems to be a nicer person compared to mine.
    If your MILis 60plus, cooks and also washes vessels and is maintaining good relations , you can take it easy and give her a few minutes of massage..
    You can slowly reduce the frequency when you start full time work and see how she reacts.
    If she has aching legs you can rather invest in leg massagers which are better operated, and a few Ayurvedic oils which she can use herself in your absence when you work.
     
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  5. Janakinarne

    Janakinarne Silver IL'ite

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    I don't think there is any wrong in doing it because she was sharing your chores and so you are doing your job freely with out any burden of extra person,after all the works she was feeling leg cramps due to strain so by spending 10-15mins one in 2days not a matter,she was not expecting you to do daily nor twice in a day ,when ever you are free you offer her massage so that she can feel relax and helps you more in kitchen works,
    If not if she suffers alot with the pain and once she stopped to do all works then you have to take care of her and house works and your job,
    There is nothing like u can do to mil or not it's totally depends on there behaviour of they are gud you can do anything for them if they are demanding and treating you as granted you can think of it..don't spoil your relationship with her with all these ,go ahed and enjoy her company too
     
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  6. abc00

    abc00 Gold IL'ite

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    No Aditi, most of us don't do this and will never ever. You go ahead if you feel like as it depends on your equation with her. Your service to her should not be stopped based on the answers you get here. JMO.
     
  7. AditiShining

    AditiShining Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks for advice. Actually my MIL washes only bigger vessels not dishes, bowls and spoons when I complete my part time work from home. I wash the remaining utensils afterwards. Still she's nice.

    Has your MIL asked you to massage her?
     
  8. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    Every relationship is different. No outsider can dictate what is right and wrong. Your MILis so good to you, and takes care of everything.Massaging her aching legs is the least you can do. You both have a ood mutually helpful nice relationship.Don't spoil it due to tohers'judgements.
    Your friend might have a typical MIL, so she is right in her case probably to set high boundaries.

    When I was newly married, my MIL wanted me to touch her feet every morning and then massage her legs everyday. I found it concerning because she doesn't have any health issues, and it was part of her overall attitude, talking **** about me and my parents, disrespecting me and harassing for dowry . Also, since my husband wanted us to live in joint family from the first year of marriage, it would have become a lifelong daily affair for me. I just ended up avoiding the leg massage part somehow.I did not establish such boundaries for other things though and ended up suffering a lot, eventually culminating in extreme harassment.

    When I shared with my friend initially , she said it is normal and she would gladly do it for her MIL. But this friend of mine doesn't have to deal with her MIL on a regular basis like I do , her MIL lives with her husband's brother in hometown. Infact my friend tried desperately and left India at the very first oppurtunity, and they don't even visit each other to save cost So, take others' advice with a pinch of salt.Do what is right for you.There is no framework for MIL-DIL relationship/
     
  9. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    We all advice as part of our experiences in life.
    I Used to be super nice to my Mil but was taken advantage of and hence am careful.

    It is not about washing the vessels but if your mil is nice,then as others mentioned no harm as she is like a mother to you.

    Maybe this could even create a better bonding between you two.

    U also seem nice.Go ahead and follow your heart.

    Whatever happens good or not ,it is always a learning.
     
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  10. AditiShining

    AditiShining Senior IL'ite

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    Haha thanks. You're right.
     

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