IL friends know that I cut off contact with my relatives coz they were toxic. They not only degrade me,put me down but also took advantage of my helping nature and then when confronted twisted things and called me sensitive, psychological problem etc utter case of gaslighting. My reality was distorted and it took years to accept they were wrong. Now am more confident and have a sense of relief but everyday I do have on and off pangs off pain even though I try to move on. Usually I remain positive but sharp ache on and off is but tough to handle. I will never get my closure from them coz fact is they will never admit they are wrong and will still blame me. I understand outsiders but people in your own family who saw you grow up have u so much mental abuse and tough for me to accept the fact that my family can be wrong.. yeah I had few good moments with them but that also happened when they were happy which I realized. For them it is not like they wish me I’ll but they have this unexpected jealousy that am doing more well in life that they expected.They never thought I will do well and will always be a failure.It is sad your own relatives do not wish you well. I was in DENIAL for so many years and even now I cannot digest they were toxic. only solace is no matter what happened I can proudly say I am quite a good person and was always helpful and nice to them.Plus they could not stop me from growing and doing what I wanted to in life. They did not expect me to come to the US or have a good spouse and life.They hate it when I buy good stuff and go in good vacations.Their words are so nasty at times and when I speak up they shut me up saying I am sensitive and need to grow up!! My mind is still in DENIAl that they are toxic but the fact is they are.Extremely tough to handle on and off coz I don’t have anyone else in the name of relatives. Life seems very new and different..especially coming from a joint family it is even harder.. Why were they so nasty to me?show could they? My heart keeps asking this question. Anyways..a small pang of pain hit me and wanted to jot this down. It is even harder when they gang up and call me wrong.I know I am right but very hard to stand single and in my truth against so many people. I am sure I will feel better..but hope I heal soon.. Thanks for reading..